SENATOR Robin Padilla is currently under fire following some questions he asked during a Senate hearing that many have deemed to be inappropriate.
These questions were directed to lawyer Lorna Kapunan, who’d been invited as a resource person for a hearing discussing sexual harassment within the entertainment industry.
Padilla, who’s a former actor himself, then started asking questions regarding the “sexual rights” of a husband over their wife.
During the hearing, he stated that, in a marriage, you have sexual rights over your spouse, and you cannot choose the times in which you are “in heat.”
“Papano yun, pag ayaw ng asawa mo?” He asked.
“Wala kang ibang paraan talaga, para maano yung lalaki? So paano? Mambabae nalang ba? Eh di kaso nanaman yun. Ano ang pwede mong sabihin sa asawa mo na wala sa batas? Paano naman ako? Wala ka sa mood. Paano ako, nasa mood?”
He also added that men had different urges when it came to sex.
“Papano yun? Andiyan yung asawa mo to serve you, ayaw niya. Anong pwedeng ano para hindi ako mareklamo ng asawa ko?”
To this, Kapunan answered: “Counseling po ang kailangan diyan, o magdasal nalang kayo, [o] manood nalang kayo ng Netflix o ng Koreanovela.”
She added that if your spouse were to refuse sex, you should then respect their decision. She also stated that it is not a wife’s obligation to serve the husband, noting that the Family Code had already been amended in the past to remove a part that said that the wife should obey the husband.
It now says that the husband and wife are obligated to mutually respect one another.
Padilla issues “apology” over statement
“Paano ako makikinig kung hindi ako magtatanong?”
On August 16th, Padilla issued a statement, saying: “Sa mga na-offend o hindi nagustuhan ang aming pagdinig patungkol sa marital rape, mga kababayan, paumanhin po.”
“Wag po tayo maging sensitive sa pagdinig sapagkat yun po ang ibig sabihin ng hearing,” he added.
“Sa aking bawa’t hearing, walang pinakamahalaga kundi ang pagtatanong upang makakuha ng information.”
A day later, he would make a lengthy post on Facebook explaining his questioning.
“Una sa lahat, wala akong sinabi na [okay] na pilitin ang asawang babae sa pagtatalik,” he wrote.
“Pangalawa, ang sabi ko, paano kaming mga lalaki na naniniwala sa sexual rights kapag kami ay in heat. Not drunk, not violent, not under influence of any drugs or liquor. Plain love and lust.”
He added that his use of the words “sexual rights,” was due to him growing up with the teachings of the Bible, wherein he alleged that it is clear that women are under men.
He cited both his beliefs in Catholicism and Islam, as he’d converted to the religion a few years prior, stating that both show that couples must fulfill one another’s sexual desires.
“Hindi rape ang punto ko; ang punto ay kung ano ang [pwedeng] gawin ng asawang lalaki para maging legal ang panghingi ng sex ng isang lalaki at hindi maging rape, wala akong sinabi na [okay] ang pilitin ang babae,” he added.
“Chairman po ako [ng] Committee on Public Information, trabaho ko po ang palaganapin ang batas na umiiral sa bayan,” he explained.
“Maraming salamat na rin po sa pagsuporta sa pagpapalaki ng isyu. Kailangan lamang po ninyo linawin ang posisyon ninyo.”
Your wives are not your sexual playthings
In the past, the Department of Budget and Management released a report that showed that there were over 12, 964 rape cases reported to the Philippine National Police from 2016 to 2021.
Many of these complaints were made against the victim’s husband or spouse, among others.
For years now, women have been conditioned to believe in the idea that they are obligated to have sex with their husbands, even when they don’t want to.
So many cases of rape and sexual harassment that happen within marriages go unreported because of this idea because, for some reason, so many people believe that marriage is essentially a pass to do whatever you want even if it hurts your partner.
There is so much more to marriage than sex. A pillar of it is trust: the ability to know that your partner will be there for you no matter what, as seen in the adage “in sickness and in health.”
More than this, it means being able to trust your partner enough to know that they love and respect you no matter what, and that includes when you’re not in the mood to have sex.
Sex is incredibly intimate for both parties, and I don’t believe in the idea that men can’t control their urges when it comes to this matter.
And even if that were true, then they should learn to control it. That isn’t the woman’s problem. Learn to deal with it.
If you have to beg your partner over and over to have sex, or if you have to coerce or guilt-trip them into consenting, then that isn’t consent. It just means that they know that giving you what you want is the only way to get you to stop asking.
There’s nothing wrong with asking questions or with being curious when it comes to this subject, but these are questions to ask your partner directly. Discuss boundaries with them, and always ask them if they’re in the mood or not.
If they say no, accept it and move on.
As per Kapunan’s statements, there are many things you can do when your partner isn’t in the mood. Direct your energy elsewhere, or find different ways to express your love for them.
In any relationship, there will always be a need to ask for consent. While it is true that some couples assume that consent is a given in their relationship, this is still something that can be revoked at any given time.
