IT’S the end. This is what I thought to myself four years ago.
When the pandemic kicked in, the university life that I’ve always dreamt of, new friends, food trips, and a fresh environment was shattered. What’s left is a series of activities I can’t understand, the weak internet, and the module that I’ve been waiting for a long time but didn’t arrive. I was frustrated and disappointed. Who can imagine that a pandemic will happen?
I tried to push myself to self-study so I won’t be left behind. Even as far as going to the rooftop and extending my hand to get a signal. But life doesn’t always happen as we expect it to. The continuous stress affects my mind. I have become mentally unhealthy.
However, I don’t want to stop. I decided to persist. I always thought about what people might think if I stopped. The endless what-ifs, ‘What if my classmates already graduated and I’m not,’ ‘What if I saw them on the streets and they asked me about school?’ These ideas bugged me. That is why I tried to keep a hold of myself even though every day feels exhausting. But the day came when I couldn’t do it anymore. I decided to file for a leave of absence and stopped attending school. I thought I might regret it, but as time went by, I realized it was the best decision. What I thought was the dead end for me–stopping in college is just the beginning of a more meaningful chapter in my life.
Redefining purpose
The first thing I did when I stopped in college was to redefine my purpose in life, ‘Why do I keep doing the thing that I’m doing.’ Do I really love the course that I chose? Is what I’m doing now directing me to the future I dreamed of? Having these thoughts and making room for these questions in my mind aid me in fully discovering and understanding myself, giving me inspiration on what to do next.
Move forward, don’t look back
I get it. It feels like a failure, isn’t it? It will be like that if I constantly think I made the wrong choice. However, trapping myself in the past and thinking of what could have been if I continued going to school would not do me anything better. Instead, I live in the present, enjoy the moment, and stay hopeful about what’s to come.
Forgive oneself
Sometimes people are faced with a choice they don’t want to make. But in the end, they couldn’t do anything but to accept. There are plenty of reasons why individuals stop going to college. But as long as life continues, so are the chances to attain one’s dream to finish a degree. Accept the situation and from there do something good for the future.
Learn new skills
When I stopped in college. I didn’t make myself idle. I try to learn new skills, something different and unique, that will help me move out of my comfort zone and encourage me to do my best. During that time, I tried to study crypto and various online applications.
Live healthily
From 60 plus kilos down to 40 plus is a huge feat. I can’t believe that I’m able to achieve that. I’ve been able to transform myself through continuous exercise and diet. Stopping gives me time to focus on myself and understand what truly matters.
Throughout my journey, I realized not attending school is not the end; rather, it’s an opportunity to improve and be the best version of myself. The time to heal and to try new things different from what I am used to. So when people ask me if I regret my choice, I would say that I don’t. Stopping in school helped me grow into the person I am now. It helps me to meet amazing people in my life and make my faith deeper in God.
Truly, everything has its timing. Sometimes what you see as denial or rejection might lead you to somewhere you belong, so it’s important to keep going.
I can connect this with someone I know, a person I am close to. He shared his story. When the pandemic happened, he told me that didn’t understand the lessons in school, and it was hard for him to adjust to the new system of education.
His father died, and he became the breadwinner of their family. Instead of continuing school, he started to work so he could help with their expenses. His friends are often talking about him not attending a university. He usually kept quiet about it, but deep inside, he wanted to. However, not all people are privileged. There is no one to support him which is why he can’t afford to go to a university. But throughout it all, he learned a lot of lessons and remain optimistic, knowing that one day he will bring home a degree.
Remember, the story doesn’t end until you choose to. All things are temporary, and better days are ahead.
