Have you experienced being intimate with someone you were never official with? It’s simply everything sans the label.
You dated, you kissed, and made love.
Then, you break up— without goodbye.
You were everything except official.
Time flies. Then, one day, you realize you still have not fully moved on from the heartbreak.
Worse, you’re afraid to tell the world about it because in a society that is hungry for labels, you have nothing to show for.
It happens to most of us. The million dollar question is: Why do some people find it more difficult to move on from “whatever-this-is” affairs than actual break ups?
Reizel Opulencia, a 25-year-old industrial engineer, considers herself a “veteran” in this game of love. And like someone who has been in this battle for quite some time, Opulencia still reels from its impact.
She recalls having a brief dalliance with a guy she met in college. They dated after graduation, and agreed that they could be everything except official.
They exchanged “I love yous” and slept together.
For a fleeting moment, Opulencia believed they had developed feelings for each other.
No commitment was their mutual agreement.
And it was fun— until Opulencia confronted the guy with matters she felt uncomfortable with.
His response was no response.
Instead of explaining himself, he ghosted Opulencia.
“May ‘di ako nagustuhan na ginawa niya so I confronted him complaining bakit siya ganito ganyan. Nakalimutan ko no labels kami so I don’t have any right to do that. After that day; hindi na siya nagparamdam at all,” she said.
“Na-ghost ako! [It was my] Most painful heartbreak kasi naiwan ka sa ere na kala mo you are on the same page, same feelings,” she added.
No clear ending
These murky set ups that Gen Zs often refer to as situationships come with entanglements and a heavy baggage. Being ghosted is one of them.
Psychologist Beverly Ongson of Dear Future Self Consulting PH told republicasia that it is not easy to move on from relationships that have no proper closure.
Such set-up presents a gray area because it leads to questions like “bakit ako mag-mo-move on eh hindi naman naging kami?”
“Kasi walang clear na cut or ending, kasi for us to move on kailangan may clear na okay wala na tayo,” she said in a Zoom interview. “It’s very difficult because it’s very uncertain if you are in that situation.”
This tends to block the process of grieving and acceptance, which are key components that are needed in order to fully heal from a heartache.
Ongson sees two major reasons why some choose no-commitment relationships.
First, they fear commitment. They may have had traumatic past experiences that they never want to repeat.
Second, they are not ready for strings attached so they subconsciously choose partners who offer or want less in a relationship.
To help one move on, Ongson said it is important to give the situationship a clear definition in your head. Regardless of label, an almost relationship is still a relationship.
“You have to accept that, oo kayo wala lang label kasi uncomfortable or hindi pwede pero kayo,” she said.
People who engage in situationships, especially those abandoned by their partners, are often embarrassed by it. It’s as if the lack of labels has stripped away their right to complain or admit that there is pain.
Moving on, however, comes after the acceptance that something has ended. Ongson said the recognition of that “something” should not depend on labels.
While ghosting has become a convenient way to end situationship, Ongsons said not all “almost relationships” end up that way. It’s a choice taken by those who refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
“The sad thing is it already became a culture na normal lang to ghost people,” she said.
