IS it ok to go Dutch on a first date?
The idea of asking a date to split the bill is foreign to most Filipinos as it is usually customary for the guy to pay for everything. When asking somebody out, it is understood you are showing interest. Therefore, the bare minimum is to spend for that person.
Some also think it’s off putting for a man to actually ask the woman he invited if it’s ok to pay for her own meal. They think the guy will be the topic of endless chatter between girlfriends. And that will end whatever chance that guy might have with the woman even before it began.
But nowadays, some women think it’s okay to split the bill.
Stine, 36, said: “I actually don’t mind. I mean, women work to earn their own money, so I don’t see any problem with paying for my own food on our first date.”
Lana, 26, also has a similar view.
“I usually pay for my own, If they insist, then I’ll pay for ice cream or whatever we do next,” she said.
Advantage for women
There are things women may consider that could make paying her own way a positive experience.
While others might generally feel that going Dutch takes away from the romance and chivalry of traditional dating customs, it can be also considered a sign of equality and mutual respect.
It also can demonstrate that both parties are financially independent and equal in the relationship. It can likewise help to prevent any awkwardness or tension over who will pay for the expenses.
This can be especially important for those who are just getting to know each other and may not yet be comfortable with the idea of one person paying for everything.
Additionally, going Dutch can also reflect a modern and progressive approach to dating.
In many cultures, traditional gender roles dictate that the man should pay for the expenses, but as society becomes more gender-equal, these customs are becoming less relevant.
The negative
For many people, the act of one person paying for the expenses can be seen as a symbol of their affection and interest in the other person. By going Dutch, the focus shifts from the romantic aspect of the date to the financial aspect, which can detract from the overall experience.
Moreover, going Dutch on a first date can also be seen as a sign of lack of effort or interest. If someone is willing to put in the effort to pay for a date, it can be interpreted as a sign that they are serious about the relationship and are willing to invest in it.
On the other hand, going Dutch can signal that one or both parties are not yet fully committed or invested in the relationship.
Yan Koh wrote in an article on thoughtcatalog.com: “Going Dutch implies a platonic involvement, usually a sign that neither party is interested in pursuing a romantic connection,”.
“But when a man picks up the tab, it also lets a woman know that he values her company and is willing to invest in their date. It shows a strong, dependable commitment from the man. Just because feminism is alive doesn’t mean that chivalry is dead, people.” she added.
Survey says
A survey of 17,000 straight, unmarried participants between the ages of 18 to 65 conducted by NBCNews.com in 2013 had these findings:
- 84 percent of men and 58 percent of women report that men pay for most expenses after dating for a while
- 57 percent of women offer to pay but 39 percent of women want their men to reject the offer
- 44 percent of women were bothered when asked to pay
- 64 percent of men say that the women should contribute financially to a relationship
- 76 percent of men feel guilty when a woman pays
- 44 percent of men would end a relationship if a women did not contribute financially
- 75 percent of men and 83 percent of women share some dating expenses by the six-month mark
You’ll figure it out
Whether or not it’s okay to go Dutch on a first date ultimately depends on individual preferences and circumstances. Some people may view it as a sign of equality and mutual respect, while others may see it as detracting from the romance and excitement of traditional dating customs.
It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your date about your expectations and preferences, and to respect their decision, whether they agree to go Dutch or not.
Ultimately, the most important thing is to have a good time and to focus on building a connection and getting to know each other.
Whether you go Dutch or not, the most important thing is to treat each other with kindness and respect, and to enjoy the time spent together.
