A NIGHT OUT often means letting loose, escaping your stressors, and having fun without a care in the world.
Unfortunately for women, it often entails getting harassed by misbehaving drunk men.
The dream of many women is to be able to live their lives without the fear of getting groped or catcalled, whether it’s at the club or just outside.
As someone who has been grabbed inappropriately in broad daylight, and whistled at even when I was covered up from head to toe, a safe space for women is something I’ve always dreamed of seeing.
It was on Friday, July 5th, when I was able to turn that dream into a reality.
This haven that we’ve been waiting for? It’s been in Makati all along – an all-female social club called Ámame.
Labor of love
Co-owned by Jec Sarabia and La Diaz, Ámame is a social club that allows only women inside. Their name translates to “Love me” in Spanish because, in their generation, many had to hide the fact that they were queer.
Sarabia, who is in her mid-30s, explained: “Now, queer females are out, proud and loud. [Back then,] it was the opposite. That’s why we came up with Ámame: I am me, love me, self-love.”
The idea for Ámame was born in 2019. After a night out partying, the pair noticed that there were plenty of gay bars in the Philippines but there were rarely spaces for queer women.
As soon as they got home, they started working on turning what they’d talked about into a reality: they began making posters and pub mats then promoted the idea of Ámame on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble – until they got banned.
“Bawal yata yun, yung mga marketing ads; it was just for experimentation,” Sarabia said.
Diaz said the ad was of a glass of alcohol; on it was a statement that read: “Swipe right to access the hottest lesbian club in town.”
Surprisingly, several likes started coming in. From there, Sarabia and Diaz started looking for a place. This, however, would prove to be one of the hardest parts of their journey.
They first found a location in Makati but some issues with the landlord started to come up. Then another. Then another.
Sarabia shared: “[Kapag] male yung landlord, parang nagtataka sila [na] “Why do we need an all-female space?””
“Hindi nila matanggap; nung una, natutuwa sila sa idea, parang “Wow, all female; pwede kaming pumasok diyan?,” added Diaz.
“Sabi ko, “Yes po, [kapag] closed, [kapag] walang guest, you can check it out. After that, they would make [or] create a lame excuse. I say, “When can we pay? When can we sign the contract?” But then they ghost [and] ignore us.”
Usually, the landlords would reply by saying that they’d changed their minds about allowing them to rent the space or say that they could operate only until a certain time, even though the buildings themselves were meant to be open 24/7.
There was even a time wherein they were told there would be changes to the terms on the day they were supposed to sign the contract.
In total, Diaz – who is also an architect – produced 10 different floorplans for the places they visited before they finally settled on their current location, which they do not disclose online for privacy and safety reasons.
Aside from having to deal with the odd behavior of some landlords, they were also one of the businesses affected by COVID-19.
They’d planned to open in 2020 but the lockdown soon started; at that point, everything was ready, with reservation fees and deposits fully paid.
Due to the pandemic, their opening was pushed to 2024. Before that, they would stick to doing pop-up events.
Despite these setbacks, Ámame has been operating smoothly ever since it opened.
“Now, we do not have to fight for a seat on the table,” they said.
“We build our own table and welcome fellow women to sit with us.”
Risk worth taking
From the careful choosing of their guests to ensuring that their staff are all women, Ámame’s team goes above and beyond to be a safe space for women.
“We’re an exclusive-inclusive club – exclusive meaning all-female, inclusive within the female community,” said Sarabia.
“We want to also be trans-inclusive. We don’t exclude them as long as they’re comfortable and they identify as female.”
Sarabia and Diaz are aware of the risks of having a limited demographic. To them, however, making sure that women in the Philippines have a safe space to love and express themselves makes it all a risk worth taking.
While they did consider that men may have more spending power, they wanted to take the opportunity to create a space built by women for women, who are able to stand on their own without asking for help from men.
“[From] a business perspective, we finally have skin in the game,” they said.
“Women – specifically sapphic women – finally have something to be proud of, because we built something for us, designed by us. We stand strong and self-sufficient and, through the creation of this space for us, more opportunities in love and life will potentially [be unlocked] in this unserved community.
In running their business, the pair do their best to maintain the values of excellence and hospitality.
Diaz added: “We’re big on hospitality; I think all of the members, the feedback we’ve been getting is that they can come here alone kasi they know it’s very warm, and it’s contagious, [that] warmth.”
Ámame is open on weekdays and weekends. On weekdays, they’re open until midnight, and on weekends, until 2 a.m.
At present, they have two membership tiers to choose from. The first is the guest membership, which is PHP 900 for three months and is paid quarterly.
The second is the VIP Pink Circle, which is PHP 4,500 PHP for three months. Here, members no longer need to pay door fees on weekdays.
There’s also the Ámame VISA which is PHP 300 and is good for a month. It’s best for those who are traveling and come from far locations.
Many of their events are also open to non-members.
Place for all women
Although it was my first time visiting Ámame, and I’m not good at making friends, I found myself immediately conversing with the other girls about whatever topic came to mind.
By the end of the night, one of them was asking me to stay longer, talking to me as if we were long-time friends.
In a world filled with toxic masculinity, a place like this was a breath of fresh air.
One of the people I spoke to was River, 34, who was also visiting Ámame for the first time. What interested her about the club was its vibe. As someone who tends to shy away from big crowds and clubbing scenes, the laidback, loungy feel of Ámame was right up her alley.
She talked about a gay bar in Malate that she would frequent with her college friends. It was a place where she felt safe, where she didn’t have to worry about her friends because she knew that no guys would be bugging them throughout the night.
It quickly became one of her favorite spots, and she is reminded of that bar through Ámame.
She shared: “I feel comfortable; I was quiet the entire time, [pero] I was comfortable. I was enjoying myself. I was just in one corner, but I was listening to people talk about the same interests.”
Another person we’d met was Hayan, 22, who enjoyed the welcoming atmosphere at Ámame.
“You don’t feel like an outcast here, especially as a sapphic person myself,” she said, smiling.
“It’s such a wonderful feeling to be able to share a space with like-minded women like me, where you just feel safe, and you don’t feel like you have to fit in ‘cause you’re surrounded by women that are just trying to enjoy a night out without being bothered or disturbed by men, or about discrimination. [It’s] such a wonderful feeling.”
We also chatted with 30-year-old Zy, who’s been a supporter of Ámame since the early stages. She was one of the people who discovered Ámame through a dating app and helped the club by taking surveys to conceptualize its look and feel.
“I was looking forward to a space where people like me who are lesbian, bisexual, [or] just women in particular, [to] be in a space full of other women comfortable in our own skin,” she said.
Zy became an official member of the club and would find herself coming back any time she wanted to just go out and have a drink at a place where she felt comfortable, relaxed and wholeheartedly accepted.
She said: “It’s just a space full of comfort and fun – like having a small family in a community where you feel like you belong. That’s why I choose Ámame in all my future hangouts, ‘cause it’s a chill, safe space.”
If you’re looking for a place to hang out with your girlfriends (or girlfriend), where you need not worry about anything else and you can just drink and talk to your heart’s content, Ámame might just be your answer.
