IF YOU’VE recently been on TikTok, you may have come across a few posts with the hashtag, “Women in male fields.”
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In this trend, women describe toxic behavior shown by men in relationships. Some examples of this are when your boyfriend gets mad at you when you ask why they’re following so many girls, saying “I don’t know what you want me to say” after expressing your feelings to them, or getting mad when you wear revealing clothing.
Here, however, women twist the narrative by making it seem as if they are doing it instead as a way of bringing light to these toxic situations, a reflection of the ideal of not doing to others what you don’t want to be done to you.
Many women have since found solace and community in these posts, with users on TikTok even asking if they’ve all been dating the same men given how many of them have had to deal with similar behaviors in their past relationships.
There is also a sense of comfort in knowing that you are not alone in the things that you have had to go through.
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TikToker Jessica Wetz, in a video explaining her thoughts on the trend, reassures the women who have had to go through these things: “This is not your fault, babe.”
She sheds light on how TikTok has helped women over the last few years by teaching them things like “weaponized incompetence”, and now, with this new trend, recognizing and calling out toxic behavior in relationships.
She offers words of comfort to the women who, when dealing with toxic behaviors in relationships, have been conditioned to think that what they have gone through is their fault.
“You’re just looking for mutual respect,” she reassured.
“You’re just looking for what you give them. That’s not too much to ask for, clearly, because you’re already doing it.”
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Why #MenInFemaleFields doesn’t have the same impact
As a manner of retaliation for this trend, men have started posting videos under the hashtag “Men in female fields,” this time describing women’s behavior in dating that they view to be toxic.
Many women have also found the concept of this new hashtag funny, pointing out that men often do these things in relationships anyway.
There are those, however, who have come to the defense of the men participating in this new trend, saying that they were only responding to the trend. Others have also reasoned that both trends in general are wrong as neither women nor men should be generalized in such a way.
The reason why the “Women in male fields” trend resonated with so many women was that it helped provide clarity for their past relationships, reassuring them that they weren’t “just being crazy,” and that these behaviors were actually toxic.
The creation of this counter-trend, however, was seemingly only done to further make a mockery of women. As users have pointed out, is hilarious to see men reacting in a way completely expected of them.
Yes, it is easy to say that this counter-trend is just a harmless joke, and you may even question how this trend is any different from those doing the “Women in male fields” one. The answer lies in the intent.
Nowadays, it is shocking to know just how many women have been gaslighted, manipulated, abused, or cheated on in their past relationships. The original trend was made to call this out, while the other was made to once again make women feel bad about themselves.
Women have, for centuries, been taught not to take up space. They are told what to be and how to act, and finally, they are tired of it. They are saying no to being treated badly, and they are calling men out when they do questionable things. They have decided that enough is enough.
This is not to belittle men who have been in toxic relationships, as many have also faced similar experiences of manipulation or gaslighting.
These two facts, however, can co-exist with one another; you do not have to downplay what women have gone through just to prove that men have gone through negative experiences as well.
Instead of turning it into a competition, maybe try to understand where these women are coming from. May the men who feel attacked by these posts understand the pain and frustrations of these women and maybe, hopefully, do better.
