IN A RELATIONSHIP, it’s common to have a love language that’s different from that of your partner.
If you don’t yet know your love language, there are thousands of tests you can take online to find out. In total, according to the website Mind Body Green, there are five to choose from:
- Words of Affirmation: People who value written and verbal encouragement and acknowledgments of affection, compliments, words of appreciation, and frequent digital communication.
- Quality Time: People who actively like spending time with their partner, whether it be online or in real life. They particularly value receiving their partner’s undivided attention, having meaningful conversations, and doing activities with one another.
- Receiving Gifts: People who enjoy being given gifts, though these don’t have to be expensive for them to make them happy. These “visual symbols of love” especially stand out when the objects given are meaningful and reflect the relationship or values of the receiver.
- Acts of Service: People who enjoy when their partner does things for them to make their lives easier. Making them breakfast, taking care of them when they’re sick, or fixing things in their home that are broken, are some examples of this.
- Physical Touch: People who like to receive physical signs of affection such as kissing, holding hands, cuddling, or intercourse. Here, intimacy is given priority.
More often than not, people have one main love language, and in relationships, the love your partner gives you is often the kind that they also expect to get in return.
If you have a partner, for example, who likes to give you gifts and constantly hints at things they’d like you to get them, then perhaps they’d feel more connected toward you if you were to give them something next meet-up.
If your partner is constantly asking for reassurance or asking if you can talk to them more then perhaps their love language is words of affirmation, and they’re looking to feel a little closer to you through these actions.
There are relationships wherein your love language might not match your partner’s, and at times, that may cause a strain on the relationship.
One example is if your love language is Quality Time and your partner is someone who often likes to be alone and spend time by themselves.
If you have a partner who isn’t very communicative or doesn’t say a lot when you message each other, and your love language is Words of Affirmation, then you may feel as if they’re acting distant toward you when in reality they just aren’t a person of many words.
It’s perfectly normal to have a love language that’s different from that of your partner.
What is unfair, however, is shutting them down whenever they voice out their concerns about this matter toward you and you just shut them down by saying: “Anong magagawa ko? Iba tayo ng love language.”
Learn to love your partner the way they understand it
Many liken the language in which we love to that which we speak. If you’re talking in Spanish to someone who can only understand English, then of course they won’t understand what you’re telling them.
The same can be said of love languages. If for example your partner’s love language is Physical Touch and yours is Quality Time, you can show them as many acts of love as you want, but it won’t translate to them because they’re speaking an entirely different language.
That isn’t to say that you need to change or adjust your love language to satiate the needs of your partner. You should, however, learn to speak the language that they’re speaking, just as they should learn yours.
On the website Quora, one person asked: “How do you deal with your partner having a different love language than you?”
To this, a user answered: “Having someone who either shares your same love language or at least understands your love language and consistently and intentionally speaks it is the key to a fulfilling, lasting relationship.”
There are many situations in which relationships fail because neither parties try to learn the love language of their partner, or only one person is trying to adjust to the other, which thus leads to a buildup of resentment toward the other.
If you know that your partner’s love language is Physical Touch and yours isn’t, find ways to fulfill their needs. What would be even better is to talk to your partner. Ask your partner if you’re meeting their needs, and if they say that you aren’t, find out how you can meet them.
And of course, this is a two-way street. Your partner should also be learning about your love language, as well.
We, of course, want only the best for our partners, and we want to show them how much we love them. Yes, there is a need for both parties to adjust according to each other’s love language, as there are some things about yourself that you just can’t change to appease another person.
But there are things we can do, or learn, even if it may be a little difficult at first, all for the sake of making our partner feel loved. A small sacrifice to make, I’d say.
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