I grew up with people telling me, “You won’t be able to know what you can do unless you try it.”
However, cowardice seemed to take over instead of courage, as the fear stops someone from taking risks or facing problems.
It is one of the life experiences where no matter how others urge you to do something, you feel like you are incapable of doing so. Experiencing cowardice can be particularly challenging for young people like me.
Being cowardly isn’t necessarily negative. It is a part of life and perfectly normal. Cowardice does not only mean that you’re self-conscious, it can also mean that you are caring for yourself in the worst possibilities that could happen.
But until when are you going to be a coward? Isn’t it time to get through it?
Who are the real cowards?
I’ve learned that real cowardly people are those that hide behind the shadow of others because they don’t want to experience hardships in life. A status quo.
They want things to always go the way they wanted them to be. Instead of building a path for themselves, they would choose to walk on a steady path established by others.
They could be so much more than they already are but they refuse to try new things. They just want to go along to their daily routine. Cowardly individuals often exhibit a limited self-perception, telling themselves phrases like ‘This is who I am,’ ‘This is what I am capable of,’ ‘This is what I can contribute,’ or outright declaring, ‘I can’t do this.’
Getting out of the comfort zone
When you are in the shadow of others for a long time, you will get used to it that you never wanted to go out. Nothing will be too hard and too easy. It felt like everything was just right. Somehow, this feeling will bring you comfort.
However, such comfort could eat you up as the time goes by. It can make you question yourself, until when are you going to stay in that place? A place filled with insecurities and lack of motivation.
Hiding behind the shadow of others isn’t always the answer and it’s not always going to be that way. We are not getting younger and things are getting more serious as we grow old. We can’t always rely on others just because they can. We have to experience different things on our own and learn from them.
What If You Tried?
As we grow old, we often reminisce about the good old days. All of these were just replayed in our minds as cherished memories. This includes the friends we had, the games that we played, the school competitions, camping trips, sports fest, and other activities particularly if we were quite active back then.
I could still remember my elementary and high school experiences. I used to be very active back then. Maybe, it is part of being a child that has a mother who is a teacher. I didn’t know if they truly believed in my capabilities or if they just didn’t have any choice. I tried being a majorette, I played chess, wrote sports news, joined quiz bee, MTAP, camping, student organizations, school clubs, and many more.
Not everyone got to experience joining in school competitions because of different reasons. One of these is due to willful competence. It happens when one is unable to do something because she believes that she can’t do it and refuses to even try.
Years have passed, everything has changed. Out of nowhere, others would randomly ask me why I stopped joining competitions but I couldn’t bring myself to answer the question. One time, my classmate was reading the names of those who will compete for campus journalism. When they realized that I am not on the list, some of my classmates looked at me and asked, “Hindi ka kasali?” she said. “Hindi ako sumali,” I responded. They asked me why but I didn’t answer. Deep inside, I knew the reason. I believe that I couldn’t do it anymore. I am a coward and the little me couldn’t admit that.
At times, we believe that others can do something better than us, that’s the reason why we always let them. Unknowingly, it could be an opportunity for us to try new things where we can learn from.
Growing up, I became insecure with my own capabilities. I’ve met a lot of people which changed me and the way I think of myself. They are all good and it felt like there’s no room for me to try my best because our school already has someone like them. It’s like I distanced myself and always let others take the opportunity because I feel like I am not good enough to represent the school. They are real smart people, very different from me. It felt like whatever I do, it is still not enough.
But looking back now, I realized that I should not feel bad about myself just because I am not like them and I am trying hard. Trying hard is not being pathetic. It is me striving for my own gain and personal development. I should’ve joined that competition. I should’ve thought of myself and the things I could do more than what other people can do.
What If You Put Yourself Out There?
Getting out of your comfort zone is not easy especially if you are insecure and conscious of what other people would say. One time, there will be a first rated chess tournament in our province. Titled players will come and join. But this tournament is scheduled the same day as my major class in college.
I am weighing between the class and something that I really wanted to do even though I am not that good at it. I think that there are many great players in our province. Those players would be good enough to represent our province. Going there would not make any change. Going there would just be a waste of time.
I have no plan on skipping class just for something that I wanted to do. But, it was thanks to one of my coaches who excused me from class just so I could play. I played in the tournament and I got to meet good people who keep in touch up until this day. In the end, I am happy that I joined that tournament. It would be different if I didn’t join and just heard moments from their stories. That is also where I started my dream of going to different places to play chess.
Putting yourself out there is an experience you will never regret. When you step outside your comfort zone, you are giving yourself a chance to meet different people who could possibly help you shape yourself as a better person.
The world is big and the place where you walk every day is just a tiny bit part of it. The little world you’re living in is not all there is to explore, there are still a lot of things that are yet to be discovered. When you put yourself out there, you are giving yourself a chance to explore life and how it works.
Many aspects of this world can only be understood through personal experience. The feelings, realizations, and lessons come only from experiencing them directly. Even if we’re getting older, we remain like a child that needs to try things and how it will work out – much like a kid touching hot water to learn it burns.
What If You Believe in Yourself?
My coach once said, “Kung hindi ka naniniwala na mananalo ka, hindi ka talaga mananalo.” It’s like a manifestation of something to happen. It may sound ridiculous to some but this phrase hit me. I asked myself what have I been doing after all this time. I started to believe in myself to see if it really works. But God really knows about the perfect timing. That time, I achieved so many things that I couldn’t even imagine.
Nothing will happen if I don’t believe in myself. It is the main reason why everything is being held back. It should start with me because no one will believe in me as much as I will. Other people would not care much about the things I do unless it concerned them.
When you have faith in yourself, what seems impossible can become achievable. You just need to face it, even if you feel nervous. It will unfold before you, and all of it will pass. Even the things you once thought were beyond your capability can turn into passions, leading to accomplishments.
Push yourself when no one can. Don’t wait for others to come and encourage you to do something. We often forget something really important, which is taking initiative. Anything is easier and more enjoyable when we choose to do it, ourselves.
All of these what ifs are questions we usually ask ourselves in the present when we are reminiscing about the good old days. But, it is not too late for others, especially for young people to enjoy their life to the fullest.
Cowardice is not a bad thing, it is where I learned that I could do so much more than I think I could. It is a foundation of self-growth. This is where you will realize many things and become brave and believe in yourself.
Cowardice is a feeling where self-versus self happens. This dilemma is quite challenging which always ends up with the person not trying- afraid of ruining the peace they are experiencing at the moment.
But too much comfort could make someone complacent to all things, lack of motivation for personal development, resilience to facing life problems, and missing out opportunities for new experiences and skills development.
If such a situation arises again, address it by taking decisive action, and everything will eventually align as it should. Allow yourself to go with the flow only after you have tried and experienced it. It would be easier for you to say, “I’ve done that and it didn’t work” or “I tried that and I’m glad I did” rather than saying “I can’t do it,” but regret it afterwards.
