IN THE SHADOWS of our lives lurk “energy vampires”— individuals who drain our emotional and mental reserves just as mythical vampires drain blood from their victims.

These modern-day vampires leave us feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and often questioning our self-worth. Recognizing and protecting oneself from these draining relationships is vital for maintaining well-being and peace of mind.

Lure of vampires

Much like the beguiling charm of a vampire, energy vampires often lure us in with seemingly harmless or even appealing behaviors.

Andrei’s story begins in senior high school, within a close-knit group of six friends bonded by their love for K-pop and K-drama. Despite their common interests, Andrei soon realized that the group’s dynamic was far from healthy.

“I realized that things were quite worse than they looked when they started to be more rude and needy within the friendship,” he recalled.

Energy vampires, like their mythical counterparts, thrive on the life force of others. Andrei noticed this when his friends constantly demanded his attention and care, sulking and making him feel guilty if he didn’t cater to their needs.

“They always wanted me to cater to their needs. If I ever didn’t, they would make me feel bad about it and sulk unless I did something to appease them,” he said.

This incessant neediness is a hallmark of energy vampires, leaving their victims emotionally drained and powerless.

Vampire bite

Just as a vampire’s bite leaves a mark, maintaining a relationship with energy vampires can leave deep emotional scars. Andrei said he felt constantly drained, caught in a cycle of guilt and shame, fearing that without the friendship, he would be alone.

“It’s actually draining and it’s also a cycle of guilt and shame since I feel like I have to maintain the friendship or else I will be alone,” he said.

This continuous emotional drain can lead to severe impacts on mental health, much like the debilitating effects of a vampire’s bite.

According to an article from Verywell Mind, energy vampires can take different shapes and forms, such as:

• The victim: Some individuals relish playing the victim and constantly have a new tale of woe about how they’ve been wronged. They present themselves as innocent while feeling the world is perpetually against them, frequently and vocally complaining about their issues.
• The criticizer: Certain people dedicate a lot of time and effort to finding fault with others, circumstances, and situations. They believe nothing ever meets their standards and can identify flaws in almost anything.
• The dramatizer: Some individuals are magnets for drama, always during a significant crisis and often seeking your assistance and support.
• The manipulator: There are people who can twist almost any scenario to benefit themselves. They seldom express their true intentions and usually operate with a hidden motive.
• The negative thinker: Some individuals perpetually view the world pessimistically, always seeing the glass as half empty. They focus on pointing out potential downsides and risks, leaving no room for optimism or enthusiasm.
• The blamer: Some people are quick to assign blame to others. They never accept responsibility but are always ready to dish out shame and guilt.

Breaking the spell

For Andrei, the turning point came unexpectedly, like a moment of clarity breaking a vampire’s spell.

One night, he received a message from one of his drunken ex-friends, revealing a separate group chat that excluded him. This moment of realization prompted him to step away from the toxic relationship.

“I realized that I need to step out of the relationship I made with them,” he said.

This epiphany was his first step toward reclaiming his emotional well-being, much like breaking free from a vampire’s thrall.

The decision to distance oneself from energy vampires is fraught with challenges, much like battling a powerful vampire. Andrei, who describes himself as anxious, found it difficult to stand up for himself. However, the need for self-respect outweighed his fears.

“I would rather choose solitude than being disrespected by people who I once treated as friends,” he said.

This sentiment underscores the importance of valuing one’s peace over toxic companionship, much like a vampire hunter’s resolve to protect their own life despite the dangers.

Healing the wounds

After distancing himself from his toxic friends, Andrei experienced guilt and doubts, much like the lingering effects of a vampire’s bite. However, the relief and newfound freedom far outweighed these feelings.

“I no longer have to feel as if I am walking on eggshells with those people,” he said.
Distancing oneself from energy vampires can lead to significant improvements in mental health and overall happiness. Andrei said that he has been happier since cutting ties with his toxic friends.

“I managed to make new connections with better people,” he said, illustrating the potential for growth and positive change.

Just as sunlight destroys vampires, the act of distancing oneself from energy vampires can illuminate one’s life with new, healthier relationships.

Embracing the light

For those struggling with toxic relationships, Andrei advised setting boundaries and being upfront about feelings.

“The moment you feel something that irks you, you have to immediately communicate it and set boundaries as much as possible. Let’s no longer be people pleasers,” he suggested.

Society often labels those who distance themselves from toxic relationships as selfish. Andrei believes this perception stems from the ego of those left behind.

“Their ego cannot accept that someone decided to distance themselves from them. They feel more inferior because there’s no longer someone that tends to their attention,” he said.

To change this perception, Andrei said that individuals should stop being people pleasers and that society should refrain from demonizing those who walk away from toxic relationships.

Just as myths about vampires have evolved, so, too, must our understanding of self-care and boundary-setting.

With reports from Kyla Marie Cuba