AS THE WORLD grows to become a more accepting place, more and more people are learning about the importance of respecting one’s pronouns.
Gender identity is a fluid spectrum, and it is important to always respect and remember that. While to others, the pronouns they are called don’t matter, for others, it holds much more meaning.
A person’s pronouns show not only what they identify as, but also hold within it a journey of hardship to realize their identity. As per the website neaToday, using the wrong pronouns for a person can feel disrespectful, harmful, and even threatening.
They further note that misgendering – especially when done deliberately – can result in marginalization, making it feel as if you do not recognize the identity of the person you’re talking to.
A practice in empathy
For 23-year-old Iris Linco, who identifies as transgender and uses “he/him” pronouns, not having your pronouns respected can be exhausting and invalidating, especially when he’s already communicated them to someone.
He explains that it isn’t just about words, but rather, about acknowledging his identity and humanity.
“When someone consistently gets it wrong, it can feel like they’re dismissing a part of who I am, intentionally or not,” he explained.
He shared one experience wherein a colleague would repeatedly use the wrong pronouns for him despite Iris gently correcting him time and time again.
“In my line of work, I have to meet so many people, so I wanted to make sure I was addressed properly,” he explained.
“At first, I tried to address it one-on-one, thinking it might just be a mistake. However, after the behavior continued, I had to escalate the conversation.”
While the situation was challenging for him, Iris turned it into a lesson in the importance of setting boundaries, as well as advocating for himself in both professional and personal spaces.
He added: “This situation made me realize how vital education and empathy are in creating inclusive environments.”
No harm in asking
As children, you are taught proper etiquette when talking to people, such as the things that are polite to say versus the things that are not.
This learning does not stop after adolescence. Life is a constant lesson, after all.
When meeting someone for the first time, make it a habit to be respectful by asking them about their pronouns.
For those not used to doing so, you are bound to make mistakes from time to time. Do not let this hinder you; simply apologize and move on, or if needed, ask again for clarification for the pronouns the person you’re talking to uses.
Asking for a person’s pronouns does not have to be some big thing, nor does it have to be a big debate. It can be as simple as asking someone what their name is, or how old they are, and then you move on.
In the words of Iris: “Respecting someone’s pronouns is about basic human dignity. It shows that you’re acknowledging their identity and valuing them as a person.”
You may not understand the need to ask for someone’s preferred pronouns, but something to ask is this: What is the harm in it? What is wrong with addressing someone the way they want to be addressed? Who does it hurt?
If this simple act can make someone happy, why would one be so adamantly against it?
Using someone’s preferred pronouns is a sign of respect. While it is okay not to be educated on these things at first, there is also a responsibility to find ways to educate yourself moving forward.
