I’M turning 23. In total, I’ve been in five official relationships so far.
Even though I’m only in my 20s, I’ve always felt immense pressure for our generation to be coupled as soon as possible.
Relationships, after all, are everywhere you look: out on the street, on social media, in every movie and every show. It’s a topic that’s become inescapable.
The Philippine Statistics Authority’s 2020 Census of Population and Housing revealed that of 86.33 million individuals aged 10 and above in 2020, 14.7% of them were in common-law relationships. The number of married persons within that year was estimated to be at 33.87 million, as well.
Nowadays, you can’t seem to get through the day without a friend asking you, “May boyfriend ka na ba? Kailan ka magkaka-boyfriend?” or without your tita saying “Lalaki kang matandang dalaga niyan!” whenever you’re at a family event. It’s as if being part of the NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) demographic was a crime.
What people often fail to consider, however, is that maybe it’s a good thing that you aren’t yet experiencing these things.
As cliché as it may sound, doesn’t that just make your first relationship even more special when it does happen?
Making your first mistakes
When dating, I’d gotten used to the idea that I needed to make myself feel smaller for people to love me – that I had to hide parts of myself away to make myself palatable, that if anyone were to truly know me for me, they would disappear in a heartbeat.
It took me a long time to find a partner that would disprove that as much as they could. that.
I never thought I was deserving of a love that was calming, so kind, and so pure. I’d made myself believe, for so long, that I was never going to get that given the number of times I’d been burned in the past.
My first relationship was when I was around 12 or 13, and then the next came only a year after that. From the end of the ninth grade up until my first or second year in college, I stayed single.
This is why, during that time, I started to get antsy; I started thinking that maybe there was something wrong with me. I saw all my friends starting to get into relationships, and for some reason, I felt like my time was running out.
I started dating again soon after, and I would tell them I wanted something serious. Eventually, I got into a relationship, but I always felt like something wasn’t right. I didn’t see a future with this person, and the pieces just didn’t seem to fit together the way they were supposed to.
The next relationship was like that, too, only a hundred times worse. For months, I had to endure constant cheating, jealousy, manipulation, and treatment that felt like it was bordering on verbal abuse.
Every day I regret not just waiting for the right person to come instead of forcing myself into something I knew wasn’t going to last anyway. If I’d done that, maybe things would’ve been better.
When I stumbled upon YouTuber Christina Aaliyah’s video on how Gen Zs are un-dateable, however, I felt even more validated with my feelings.
In the video, she says: “You don’t know the chapters of your life that are yet to come. Everything happens exactly as it’s meant to.”
Personal timeline
When you’re single – especially when you get older – the pressure to start dating someone starts to grow more and more with each passing day.
With this are several expectations as to how your partner should be like, how you should be like, and how your relationship should look like, but at the end of the day, only you know deep in your heart what’s right for you.
Whether you decide that now is the right time or if you know deep down that you aren’t yet ready for a relationship, remember that there’s nothing wrong with taking your time. Don’t feel pressured, and especially don’t feel like “the clock is ticking” or that “your time is running out.”
With someone I was dating in the past, I would often feel upset that we couldn’t see each other, or that we didn’t have much time together. To reassure me in those times, they would tell me: “It’s okay; we have forever.”
As do you. You have forever to find the love of your life. Why waste your time on guys who make you cry, on immature people who don’t want to commit to you, when you know that that would be settling for less than what you deserve?
