CAUGHT between last deadlines and quarter-life crisis, here’s to everyone quietly freaking out in their early 20s.
I’m in my last semester of college, and things are technically going fine. I’m busy with my internship, the last hurdle before graduation. Requirements are slowly being crossed out, and the finish line is right there – I can almost see it. Ever since the countdown to graduation started, I’ve been thinking – okay, overthinking – about what comes after. I thought I’d be excited. And I am, to be honest. But also? Anxious. Instead of relaxing, I find myself spiraling into questions like: What now? What’s next? What if nothing works out? What if I’m not ready? Am I ready?
I’ve always been that person who plans everything. I make lists, organize my folders, and have a mental calendar for the next few months. I’m that girl who asks for an itinerary on a trip. But adulthood? It doesn’t care about your color-coded plans. It hits you with this humbling truth: you can do everything right, work as hard as you can, and still not be guaranteed the outcome you hoped for (cries). You can prepare all you want and still feel like the universe is looking at your plans and going, “That’s cute, but no.”
The quiet panic
It’s not a full-blown meltdown kind of panic – it’s quiet. But it sneaks in during tricycle rides, after internship check-ins, or when I’m zoning out in class. It’s that soft and persistent voice asking, Am I doing enough? What if nothing happens after this? What if I just… float?
I see people posting job offers, passion projects, or life updates that look so put together, and here I am barely keeping my Google Drive from collapsing in chaos. I know it’s not a competition, but it sure feels like one sometimes, especially when the starting gun hasn’t even fired on my end.
Social media spiral
And look, I get that social media is just a glimpse into someone’s life. But even with that awareness, it’s hard not to compare. Someone’s landing their dream role, someone else is off to grad school, and another’s launching a small business “just for fun.” Meanwhile, I’m still trying to survive this last semester and wondering how people have the energy to romanticize their chaos.
There’s so much noise telling us to “maximize your twenties,” “find your passion,” “secure the bag,” “build your brand,” and I’m like – can I finish my remaining units first?
Learning to sit with the mess
What I’m slowly trying to embrace is that this phase – this weird, uncertain, no-one-knows-what-on-earth-we’re-doing phase – is part of the process. I’ve had quiet, comforting talks with friends who are also tired, unsure, and pretending they’re just fine.
We all grew up thinking that life comes with a manual or at least a checklist of milestones. Graduate. Get a job. Be successful. But no one really tells you how scary it is to stand at the edge of the known, staring at the blurry outline of whatever comes next.
So I’ve been trying to take it day by day. Letting go of the need to map it all out. Letting myself feel the uncertainty without letting it consume me. Celebrating the small wins, even if it’s just showing up, submitting that last requirement, or breathing through a rough day.
Maybe that’s enough for now
Maybe we’re not supposed to have it all figured out at 21, 22, or whatever age we graduate. Maybe these years aren’t about being certain, but about learning how to be okay with the not-knowing. About trusting that our effort isn’t wasted, even if the timeline looks different from what we imagined.
The universe might be humbling us, sure. But we’re still here – wrapping up our last semester, dragging ourselves through the final stretch, and quietly building toward something we can’t see yet.
And maybe that’s enough for now.
