AS A KID, I noticed that boys and girls were treated differently. Boys were free to move around, do whatever they want.
At times, they even fight each other when annoyed, as girls were expected to stay seated, quiet and reserved.
I saw a TikTok video where the father shows how he plays with his kids in their living room: playing with his daughter vs. playing with his son. The father is flipping his son and daughter one by one. When it is the daughter’s turn, he gently lands her on the bean bag pillow. But with his son, it is different. But both kids seem to enjoy the playtime.
People tend to be more gentle with girls as they are the princesses in the family. However, as the girls grow up, they quickly realize that the world is not as easy as it seemed.
From princess dreams to reality
Gowns, dresses, make-ups, shoes, and ribbons. We all have a phase of watching Disney movies. It’s the same old story line where the female lead ends up with a prince. They fell in love with each other and the woman became dependent on the male lead of the story.
The Disney movies portray princesses as individuals that always need protection from a man. They need a man to experience happily ever after. As the youngest in a big family, I felt that same care and protection, living in a fantasy where everything seemed easy.
But as I grew up, I realized that the world isn’t as simple as it seems. The reality is much harder than the fantasy I once believed in.
Facing the reality
What if the prince charming becomes a villain?
One of my guy classmates in elementary scratched my face, probably because he found me annoying for calling him out. That day, our teacher left us for a while because they had a meeting. This classmate began to roam around the room, talking with anyone at their seats.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to socialize, but he was loud and he influenced my other classmates. I went up to him and asked him to stop, but we ended up physically fighting.
After the incident, I tried to act as normal as I could. I didn’t want to have any special treatment just because I was a girl. I also accepted the idea that maybe- it was my fault too. I could’ve sat and done nothing but I chose to stand up that day. That day made me realize one thing: I am not living in a fairy tale. Not everyone will treat me the way my father and brothers treat me.
The reality is guys could possibly hurt girls if they want to. It made me realize I need to stand up for myself because situations like that could happen again. I don’t want others, especially the boys, to think that I am easy to deal with.
Learning how to comfort myself
When I was younger, I believed that there would always be someone there for me, someone to lean on whenever I faced a problem. Back then, I thought someone would come to comfort me when I cried, just like the Prince Charming in the fairy tales.
I can’t count the number of times I cried growing up. During those moments, I’d go to my room, grab my notebook, sit in the corner, and cry while writing about everything that upsets me. My notebook has been my only friend. I always hoped someone would knock in and ask how I was feeling, but no one ever did.
No one ever asks me how I feel. They let me cry in my room, only asking about it once I was done. Over time, those moments taught me how to comfort myself. And before I knew it, I no longer needed comfort from other people anymore.
Learning to stand alone
I can handle things on my own. Growing up, I didn’t want to rely on others, especially men. Even when they offered genuine help, I found it hard to accept. If they insisted, I would thank them, but I preferred not to need it again.
As much as possible, I don’t want to receive any acts of service from a guy like carrying heavy stuff for me. Letting them do it just because it’s something they could do easily.
Since women are viewed as someone weaker than men, I’m always trying to prove myself that I can manage without help. I may not be as strong as they are, but I believe that I can handle it on my own.
It’s like preparing for a future where I’ll have to live alone. Doing simple things like this today is nothing. It’s like a practice, so that I don’t become dependent on other people.
Becoming self-reliant
Men are generally taller than women, so whenever I need something from a high place, I would usually ask for their help. But lately, I’ve been figuring out how to do it myself. It’s not that hard to be a girl; it just requires being resourceful. In this kind of situation, I look for a solution where I don’t need anyone. Even if it’s a little embarrassing, I’ll grab a chair, stand on it, and reach for what I need on my own.
That thing I’m trying to reach is like my dream. I don’t want to keep relying on others just because I couldn’t reach it by myself. Maybe there’s a way for me to get it. I just need to try harder and think of possible solutions.
Born to be a disney princess, forced to be a strong independent woman.
Growing up as a girl means living from princess-like fantasies to facing harsh realities of independence and self-reliance. The dream of being saved by someone fades as we realize that no one will be there to help us, and we must learn to make life on our own.
Although society often perceives women as weak, we find our own strength and ability to thrive without relying on others. Instead of waiting for someone to offer help, we learn to reach our goals ourselves, even if it means struggling alone.
Through this journey, we learned about independence and understand that it all starts in trusting ourselves facing whatever comes our way.
With reports from Lani Jagong
Also read: #EmpowerHer: 10 Vital Things a Woman Should Do Alone At Least Once in Her Life
