LOSS is something that’s never easy to deal with, especially if it’s someone that you hold near and dear to your heart.
When I lost my grandfather – who is the only person I’ve ever seen as a father figure in my life – I was devastated. I held onto that hurt for years. Though he died when I was in high school, I would randomly burst into tears in the years that would follow after his death, all because I missed him so much.
Truth be told, I don’t think you can ever fully move on from someone’s death, especially that of a parent. While you’ve only known them for a fraction of their life, you’ve known them for all of yours. How the hell are you supposed to just keep on living now that you’re gone?
The answer to that is that you do it slowly. Allow yourself to take in that pain, and then eventually, little by little, you’ll be able to heal from it. Perhaps you won’t be able to move on completely, but that feeling – like the world’s gonna end, like you can’t go on without them to guide you – will fade in time.
If you’re struggling with moving on after your parent’s death, here are some tips that might help, even if it’s just for a little bit.
- Keep their memory alive.
While it may seem easier to just forget about your parent’s death completely as a means of coping with their death, it’ll just make things harder for you in the long run.
A great way to keep yourself feeling connected to your parent despite them no longer being with you is to find ways to keep their memory alive. You can make an In Memoriam page for them on social media, for example, wherein everyone can share fond memories and stories they have of them.
This way, you’ll be able to not only relive these memories but to discover the ones that they’d never shared with you. Even in their death, you’ll be able to learn a completely different side of them.
Aside from this, there are many businesses that offer services that can preserve certain memories of your parents, such as placing their remains in a necklace or preserving something they’ve given you in resin to maintain its condition. The possibilities are endless.
Another idea is to compile all the photos you, their friends, or your family may have of them, which you can view any time you start to miss them. You can also invest your time in doing or learning about things that you know they loved so that you’ll still feel connected to them in some way.
- Don’t bottle up your feelings.
Again, this is something that’s going to hurt you in the long run.
Grief is a long, messy process. There are days when you’ll feel sad that they’re gone, and others when you’ll be angry at them for leaving you, and then guilty because you know that it wasn’t their choice to do so.
No matter the emotions that you’re feeling, know that it’s okay and that all of it is valid.
Instead of bottling up your emotions, try to find healthy outlets for them. Talk to your friends and family about how you’re feeling, or go online to search for support groups so that you’ll be around people who understand what you’re going through.
If you’re not a fan of telling others how you’re feeling, try to start writing down everything you’re feeling in a journal.
Whether it be to write down memories the two of you shared, or even to just angrily scribble in whenever whatever you’re feeling has gotten too intense, it’s still a good form of release instead of keeping everything pent up inside.
- Keep talking to them even though they’re gone.
In the times that I missed my grandfather, I would sit alone in my room and start talking as if he were there with me. I’d tell him about my day, about the troubles I was facing, as well as the ways I knew he’d help me if he were still with me.
No matter how crazy I looked, talking to him helped tremendously in getting me through those difficult times. Even now, from time to time, I still find myself talking to him, though it’s more to keep him updated on the blessings I’ve gotten thus far.
I tell him I miss him. I ask him if he’s proud of me, and I take his silence as a yes.
Whether it be to yell at them or tell them how you wish they were still with you, don’t stop talking to your parents. Just because they aren’t responding doesn’t mean they aren’t listening.
