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Can people queerbait IRL?

by Gabrielle Agbulos

HAVE you ever heard of the term “queerbaiting?” 

If you aren’t yet familiar, queerbaiting is done when certain characters or relationships in film or television are implied to be non-heterosexual, though nothing happens to prove that they are, in fact, non-heterosexual.

This is often done in media as a means of attracting an audience from the LGBTQ+ community; people shipping these characters together, getting them to stay tuned to each episode as they wait for these characters to end up together… only to find out by the end that they never do. Perhaps some of the most popular examples of this are the ships of “JohnLock” on “Sherlock,” and “DeStiel” on “Supernatural.”

The problem here is that, given it is never proven that these characters are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, it comes off as a way for companies to capitalize on their LGBTQ+ audience without actually giving them the representation that they hope to see on-screen. 

As times have changed, however, and as the world has taken more steps toward LGBTQ+ representation both in and outside of media, the idea of queerbaiting is something people have started to apply toward people in real life, as well. 

The question that stands now is this: can real people queerbait?

The Kit Connor situation

In 2022, when the show “Heartstopper” was released on Netflix, it immediately became beloved by many. 

The show focuses on the relationship between two boys named Nick Nelson and Charlie Spring, who fall in love with one another, all while they both try to navigate their sexuality as teenagers. 

Despite the rave reviews the show received, people on the internet started to turn on Kit Connor, who plays Nick on the show. Soon enough, he was being accused of “queerbaiting” after photos of him holding hands with a female actress started making rounds on the internet.

Following this, he then released a statement on his social media dismissing these rumors.

Photo from Kit Connor on X

Many have also accused singer and actor Harry Styles of queerbaiting, given that he often dresses in ways that are considered by others to be on the more feminine side. 

He has even been said to “co-opt” or exploit queer aesthetics despite never vocalizing whether or not he is part of the community.

Concerning this, Harry said: “Sometimes people say “You’ve only publicly been with women,” and I don’t think I’ve publicly been with anyone. If someone takes a picture of you with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re choosing to have a public relationship or something.”

When asked about his sexuality in 2017, he stated that he never felt the need to label his sexuality. He also doesn’t feel like it’s something he’s ever felt that he has to explain about himself – which is how many other people in the queer community feel, too. 

Singer Billie Eilish was also accused of queerbaiting, following her release of the music video for her song “Lost Cause,” wherein she was singing and dancing around with a group of girls during a slumber party.

She was quick to clap back, saying in an interview with Elle Magazine that it wasn’t anyone’s business, as well as saying later on that she’s been in love with girls basically her entire life.

On whether or not you can queerbait IRL

Queerbaiting, originally, was meant as a way of calling out representations of queerness in media considered to be inauthentic or exploitative of the queer gaze. 

When using the term on celebrities – or on real people in general – it becomes more a question of is something people need to know, or is just an invasion of one’s privacy.

For 24-year-old Zelle*, it isn’t possible to queerbait in real life, since using the term for a real person assumes their sexual identity, whether it be that of someone who is queer or isn’t. 

“I think calling out real people for queerbaiting is harmful since it demands ‘proof’ of someone’s sexuality,” he explained. 

“Celebrities are humans too. Even though they live most of their lives in the spotlight, they do not – and will never – owe us proof of their own sexual identities.”

Zelle added that accusing someone of queerbaiting is a very heavy act, as doing so may force them to come out when they’re not ready just to satisfy the curiosity of their audiences, leading to a great deal of distress and discomfort moving forward. 

He added: “I don’t think celebrities have a responsibility to share their sexuality with others unless they are comfortable enough to.”

Understandably, many both in and out of the community call people out for queerbaiting because they are afraid of simply being used as an aesthetic, or as a way of selling more records. 

It’s a terrible feeling, after all, to have a part of your identity exploited by someone who has no idea of the struggles you’ve gone through your whole life.

One such example of this is when JK Rowling, the author of the “Harry Potter” series, posted on social media that one of the characters in the series was actually gay. 28-year-old Anya, who identifies as pansexual, notes that there was no canon confirmation of this fact following JK Rowling’s statement.

“It felt like a move to make more sales rather than actually representing the community,” she said.

The fact of the matter, however, is that we don’t know whether these people are straight or queer, because their sexuality isn’t our business in the first place. Unless someone were to outright come out as queer, we have no right to assume or dictate that part of their identity for them. 

More so, this is never something that’s asked of people who are straight, or at least appear to be. Why is it suddenly a different conversation when there’s a possibility that that person might be queer?

As per Zelle, celebrities are just like us, and just like us, they are trying to navigate and figure out their sexuality. The big difference, however, is that we can do so in our own time, while they have millions of people watching their every move. 

“In our online culture, there is an obsessive need to know everything about everyone, especially celebrities,” writer Hadley Balser explains

“Forcing people to come out and creating this idea of “real life queerbaiting” comes with an inherent idea or example of what it means to be queer, or what is acceptable from queer celebrities in society. This leads to all sorts of problems, like defining what makes a person “queer enough.””

It is perfectly fine to demand more representation for the LGBTQ+ community, especially when it comes to roles made to represent this community in the media, but forcing someone to out themselves is not it. 

Anya adds: “If we’re going to be vigilant about LGBTQ+ representation, I think we also have to hold accountable managers, show writers, and companies that use queerness to boost their sales.”

* For privacy reasons, Zelle has chosen not to disclose his real name. 

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