ALL around the world, people celebrated Mother’s Day last May 14th. Flowers were given, cakes baked, and cards created – but in these times, we need to remember that Mother’s Day isn’t the best for everyone. 

Let’s take a moment of silence for all the eldest daughters that grew up having to take care of their younger siblings, or all the kids who were resented by their mothers growing up for all that they’d taken away from them. Or all the young teens who’ve had to sacrifice their happiness just to put a smile on their mothers’ faces, even if it meant not being true to who they are.

In short, a moment of silence for all those with mommy issues out there. We know just how hard a day like Mother’s Day is for people like you, who resent someone you’re told your entire life you’re supposed to love unconditionally.

During these times, it’s easy to feel alone, especially in a place like the Philippines, where people are expected to be closer to their mothers compared to other countries given our culture. 

Compared to countries like the U.S. or Australia for example, it was found that Filipinos were more connected to their mothers; it feels even more isolating, then, when your relationship with your mom isn’t like what everyone expects it to be. 

But you aren’t alone in your feelings. Relationships are complicated, especially that which you share with your mother. 

If you’re having trouble navigating your feelings post-Mother’s Day, or just in general, here are a few films that you can relate to.

1. Anak (2000)

Anak looks at the story of an OFW named Josie, who left for Hong Kong to help support her children, Carla, Daday, and Michael. Years later, she returns to the Philippines only to realize that her children are living lives that she knows little about. While she eventually manages to grow closer to her other two children, her eldest child, Carla, resents her heavily for leaving their family.

Carla acts out upon her mother’s return, shutting the woman out every which way that she can. We as the audience are left to wonder if Josie can do anything to mend their relationship, or if it is doomed altogether.

As a mother, it’s normal to want to give your children the world. We understand why Josie chooses to leave for Hong Kong, seeing as her salary there would be higher as compared to if she worked in the Philippines.

But at the same time, we also understand why Carla holds so much anger toward her: she feels abandoned. She sees her mother as a stranger, and she doesn’t see why she has to change up her routine or follow rules from someone who hasn’t been there for such a large portion of her life. 

This film is an excellent watch for kids who may have felt like they were cast aside by their parents growing up because of work; while you understand that they’re just trying to do the best they can to provide for your future, you can’t help but feel hurt. 

They want to give you the world, but at the end of the night when you’re curled up in bed, you think of how all you wanted was your mom to tuck you in and say goodnight.

2. Mommy (2014)

Xavier Dolan’s film Mommy puts audience into a fictional world where parents are allowed to place problematic children in hospitals, which is what the main character in this film – Steve – experiences. Steve was placed in an institution by his mother, Die, when he was younger, and even as he returns home, she still sees him as a troubled young child.

Angered that he may never break free from this box that he’s been placed into by his mother, Steve starts violently acting out not only to her but to everyone around him, as well. The film then revolves around Die trying her best to deal with Steve simply wanting to be free. 

This film points out two ideas: first, boys are victims of mommy issues, too. Constantly men in society are told that they should uphold a certain image of apathy, where they’re made to feel embarrassed if ever they show any semblance of emotion. 

This is what was seen in a survey done back in 2019 by Ipsos MORI, wherein when 4, 000 men were surveyed, it was discovered that while men knew it was good to talk about their emotions, they still avoided doing so because they were expected not to show weakness or to look “unmanly.”

Second, it shows just how dangerous it can be when you don’t allow room for growth for your child. They start to think, what’s the point of trying to change my behavior – of being better – if regardless of this change, everyone is still going to see me the same? 

Perhaps if Steve had been given the benefit of the doubt by his mother, and by those around him, his future wouldn’t have been one filled with blood, resentment, and anger.

3. I, Tonya (2017)

This Academy Award-winning film is a biographical film based on the real-life story of figure skater Tonya Harding, most famously known for allegedly having her opponent’s leg broken, Nancy Kerrigan, broken before a big competition. 

Here, we see Tonya as a young girl, forced by her mother LaVona to become a figure skater as early as four years old. She then grows up focused on nothing but figure skating, wanting nothing more than to prove her worth not just to her mother, but to the world, as they continue to doubt her talents given her upbringing as “white trash.”

In her life, LaVona wanted only one thing: for her daughter to succeed. And if this meant having her piss on the ice to avoid going to the bathroom, or hitting her with a brush, or even throwing a steak knife her way, then for her all of it was valid.

In this film, Tonya’s mother LaVona is the kind that many have had to deal with growing up: one who saw their sons and daughters not as children to be cared for, but as trophies to be polished and flexed to the world. 

For the kids that have stayed up for hours studying for a test because they knew failure meant a slap on the wrist, or for those that have had been shaken awake by their mothers to join a sport they weren’t even interested in, this film may be just the thing for you. 

It perfectly encapsulates the feeling of hating your mother for putting you through so much just for you to be “great,” but still doing all that you can to make her proud anyway.

4. Lady Bird (2017)

Lady Bird is about the life of a young girl named Christine McPherson – or, as she prefers to be called, “Lady Bird.”

Lady Bird comes from a poor family. Despite this, her mother Marion tries to give her the best she can with what little they have, but she struggles to keep up with the expensive dreams that Lady Bird has for herself in the future. 

Lady Bird feels caged by her mother as the woman calls her ungrateful, telling her that she will probably never reach her dreams. She longs for a better life, seeking out richer, more popular friends, having her father drop her off far away from school because of their beaten-up car, and even lying about where she lives so that she doesn’t have to show her real home located on the “wrong side of the tracks.” 

Lady Bird is a film that captures the complexity of the relationship between mother and daughter. I hate you, but you’re my best friend. I want to tell you everything, but I wish you didn’t know anything about me. I wish you’d just see me, but if I could, I’d never speak to you ever again. 

While Lady Bird may find herself constantly angry at her mother, shouting at her and telling her that she hates her, she still finds herself begging to hear her voice when the woman suddenly stops talking to her. 

And while Marion may try as best as she can to bring down her daughter’s expectations of the world, she still tries to find ways to support her, no matter how small they are. As seen in the letter she writes to Lady Bird in the end: “Watching you grow up has been one of the most wonderful adventures of my life.”

She wishes they could be friends. She wants to say that she loves her. And in the end, she throws the letter away. 

For me, Lady Bird can be described by a Tumblr post made by honeytuesday in 2021:

“Mothers and daughters existing as wretched mirrors of each other: I am all you could have been, and you are all I might be.”

5. Ang Tanging Ina (2003)

If you’re looking for something a little lighter, then maybe look toward Ang Tanging Ina instead of the other films on this film. 

Wenn Deramas’s Ang Tanging Ina is a Filipino comedy about a woman named Ina Montecillo, who struggles with caring for her 12 children after she finds out that their family’s about to go into poverty. 

To bring her family happiness, Ina juggles several different jobs all at once just so she can make ends meet. At the same time, her children have all sorts of different things going on in their lives. One child has difficulty in dealing with his sexuality, while another tries desperately to figure out how to get the girl of his dreams to go out with him, and another has to deal with bullying at school. 

In the case of Ina, it’s hard to keep up with the needs of your kid, especially if you have 12 of them. You try your best to support them, but somehow you always come up short. And as a kid, there are things you expect from your mother because obviously, you can’t yet provide for yourself, and when you feel that your needs aren’t being met, of course, you’re going to be upset.

The reality is that being a mother is tiring, there’s no other way around it. But being a son/daughter is tiring, too. It’s always going to be hard, and if both parties don’t try to make communication a two-way street, then there’s bound to be some conflict.