(part 1 of 2)
SHEENA, 28, had a longtime friend she’s known since college. It was love at first sight the night she met him. Since then, she knew he would never be just a friend, but she was never in a rush to be romantic with him. She was, for the most part, good with just being friends.
And then years after came one unassuming Valentine’s night. They chatted, had a few laughs until the talks started to get a little too steamy.
After a few minces, he dropped the bomb, “Gusto mo?” She perfectly knew what he meant.
And so her ten-year wait was put to an end. They became friends with benefits. For her, “Finally, na-open na ‘yung channel sa aming dalawa. It might have started differently, pero ang mahalaga lang sa’kin that time, nag-umpisa na.”
However, their set-up was governed by one cardinal rule, “Bawal ma-fall ah, sex lang.”
But if it’s any consolation, the guy told Sheena that he would not think of it if he did not feel a certain degree of attraction. So yes, he too was “attracted” to her.
Just as expected, she got deep with each sexcapade and he had no idea about it. But perhaps to make sure she wouldn’t fall because after all, they’re friends, he reminded her everytime, “bawal ma-fall ah.”
She resounded the exact words in her head but her heart wasn’t exactly taking it.
And so she started to look for him, got jealous of girls around him and cared for him way more than she should but kept it all to herself, “Hindi ko ‘yun pinakita sa kanya, secret ko lang ‘yon. Sinasabayan ko kasi siya na parang, kung sa’yo, laro lang ‘to, sa’kin din, para kunwari level kami.”
Sheena described him as the type who could get any girl he wants, when he wants which added to her worry.
And just like most people in this situation, she had a lingering fear in her head.
“Nakwento niya kasi sa’kin na dun sa dating ka FuBu niya, nag-end kasi na-fall ‘yung girl. Ayokong mag-end kami. Ayoko rin mawala ‘yung friendship namin. Kaya hindi ko alam ang gagawin.”
FUBU: Friends with “benefits”
GenZ’s call Sheena and friend as “fubu” – shortened for “f**k buddies.”
“Some people do FuBu or “fuck buddies” na tinatawag or friends with benefits out of need. They don’t want any commitment pero they want to satisfy ‘yung kanilang sexual needs,” clinical psychologist Riyan Portuguez told republicasia.
A no-love-just-sex set-up such as theirs could be a win-win situation for both parties who don’t like or who fear commitments.
No love means no heartbreak.
They also get to mingle with others because they are not committed while still enjoying regular exclusive privileges with their non-romantic sexual buddies.
But this set-up, sooner or later, gets complicated. Why is that?
Women biologically inclined to fall in love during sex
Sex therapist and clinical psychiatrist Dr. Margie Holmes said women are biologically inclined to fall in love with their partner after contact.
This is because women emit more oxytocin during sex than men. Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter which many refer to as “love hormone.”
That’s why in a fubu set up, no matter how both parties swore not to fall, feelings eventually set in either both for each other. Unfortunately, but typically, just the girl for the other.
Fubu trysts’ filling a void
“Sad lang kasi may mga ibang tao, they agreed to do FuBu kasi sa idea na, baka naman, itong tao na makakasex ko mabigyan niya din ako ng atensyon or dito ko din makukuha ‘yung love na hinahanap ko,” Portuguez said.
In her years of practice, she too noticed that millennials and Gen Zs are in fact unaware that they engage in a no-love set-up primarily because of their self-issues.
Usually they are those who lack genuine connection or relationships with family, friends, a partner or even themselves.
“It’s a way din to compensate or to find someone na mafeefeel nila na needed sila so parang kahit papano ‘yung ganitong FuBu alam nila na hindi ganun kalalim ‘yung type of relationship na meron sila pero at least merong someone na naghahanap sa kanila, merong someone na nangangailangan sa kanila,” she said.
