ABANDONMENT is a state characterized by feeling left behind, helpless, and confused.

It often stems from past experiences where you may have felt discarded or neglected. This negative feeling can manifest as either a physical absence or a sense of being with someone who is not mentally or emotionally present.

Understanding abandonment involves recognizing the issues that accompany it and how they affect your daily life. Abandonment can occur in any type of relationship, whether with friends, family, or in a professional setting.

Erren Izabella Tan, a 20-year-old BS Information Technology student, shared her personal experiences with abandonment.

“I’ve been abandoned by my significant other and friends I once trusted,” she shared.

“When you’re naive, you might not notice the signs that they’re planning to leave.”

She continued on to say that being abandoned hurt her deeply because she would include people in her life plans, care about them, and want nothing but happiness for them, only for them to end up getting rid of her.

“It doesn’t matter if you have nothing but good intentions; if they don’t value you and see you as unworthy, they’ll let you go, [and] it’s something I have to accept,” Tan added, reflecting on her desire for a different outcome.

The painful reality of dealing with abandonment is that acceptance is often the only option.

Acknowledging this reality and its impact on your well-being is the first step toward coping.

Effects on well-being

A deep understanding of your feelings about abandonment can help navigate the coping process. For some Gen Zs like Tan, abandonment feels heavy and disappointing, and the worst part is the helplessness that accompanies it.

“You find yourself questioning your self-worth and wondering why it had to end; people may say it’s their loss, but it feels like yours,” Tan explained.

She added that when her friends whom she cherished deeply abandoned her for the first time, she felt so depressed that she just turned numb.

At this time, she withdrew from everyone around her and forgot how to maintain her relationships. She lost her appetite and would cry herself to sleep, hurting because she knew that there was nothing she could do to change things.

All she could do was accept what had happened.

“You find yourself lying in bed, and for a while, you stop doing the things you used to love because they remind you of them,” she explained.

Tan described many significant signs of abandonment, including the development of a habitual pattern of self-questioning. This period often involves realizing that life, which once revolved around another person, has dramatically shifted, leaving a void where that presence once was.

The transition from feeling central to someone’s world to recognizing that their absence has fundamentally altered your sense of purpose and routine can be profoundly disorienting.

Tan believes it is cruel to ruin someone else’s life by abandoning them simply because your own life is already difficult. She also feels that cutting ties and avoiding your problems only provides momentary relief, especially when there are people around you who genuinely care about you and want to help you.

For her, the best approach is to confront your problems head-on, communicate honestly, and seek support from those who truly care. Although fleeing might seem easier, it does not foster true recovery.

Tan’s greatest advice is to move on at your own pace and not rush the process: “I haven’t deleted our photos from my social media or blocked him yet. We’re still connected on Life360. His photos are just hidden for now. I’ll take care of these things when I’m truly ready.”

Many people might perceive moving on as easy, but in reality, it often involves a more nuanced and personal journey that cannot be rushed or forced.

That’s why you have to heal at your own proper pace.

With reports from Alexis Fei Caceres