IN 2017, YouGov revealed that half of Filipinos have tried dating apps, which is no surprise considering the growing popularity of Bumble, Tinder, and the like. Of these dating apps, the most popular ones are Tinder, Bumble, Tantan, Grindr, and OKCupid. 

With online dating becoming normalized in the Philippines, and with more people downloading these apps, it’s important to remember that dating someone online is still dating someone. 

There are still rules that you need to follow, and having a screen between the two of you doesn’t mean you can misbehave. 

If you’ve recently downloaded a dating app, or are considering downloading one shortly, here are some things you should remember before you make that first swipe. 

1. Don’t contact them outside of the app

One of the creepiest things you can do is to follow someone you saw on a dating app on their Instagram, X, or whatever else, without first asking them if you can do so. 

It’s especially creepy if you do this to someone you didn’t even match with, in the first place. 

When you see someone you might find attractive or interesting, of course, there’s the urge to get to know more about them. But just because you found them on a dating app doesn’t mean you should forget the basic concepts surrounding one’s privacy. 

If you want to know if you can follow someone you found on a dating app on social platforms outside the said dating app, here’s the answer: If you didn’t match, no. 

If you matched and plan to follow them without asking them first, don’t. 

If you matched and they gave you consent to follow them, then go right ahead.

2. Sexual messages are an instant turn-off

Again, unless explicitly stated on one’s profile that they’re looking to hook up, or are only on the app for sex, it’s important to keep in mind the comfort of and respect for the person you’re talking to. 

More often than not, as soon as you start talking unprompted about sexual topics on a dating app, the person you’re talking to will immediately lose interest. Why? 

This shows them that sex is all you’re interested in – which could be fine, but that may not be what they’re looking for, which is also fine.

When engaging in a conversation with someone you match with, try to start with light topics, and show interest in getting to know them. Ask them what they like to do for fun, or compliment the photos on their profile. 

There are certain apps geared toward casual fun if that’s what you’re looking for, and there are also dating apps where you can choose whether you’re looking for something serious or casual. 

There’s nothing wrong with just wanting to hook up with someone, but remember that that’s not what everyone is there for. 

So to open up with a sexual joke or with a dirty pickup line, or to (God forbid) send a nude photo of yourself without warning, can be considered extremely inappropriate if the person you’re talking to isn’t interested in that kind of thing. 

Again, the key word to remember here is consent. That’s something you simply can’t forget.

3. Don’t forget about stranger danger

Given how casual online dating can feel, there may be times when you start to feel comfortable with the person you’re talking to. 

Remember, though, that this is someone you know virtually nothing about. They could easily be faking their persona, so keep in mind that you shouldn’t reveal too many personal details about yourself, especially your location.

Keep this in mind as well when meeting with someone. If you’re meeting with them for the first time, do so in a public place with a lot of people. 

You should also tell a relative or close friend that you plan on meeting with the person you met on an app, so that you’ll have someone who knows where you are.

This may seem like an overreaction, but there have been many cases of people getting harmed by people they met online – others even killed. 

In 2021, for example, a Chinese man in the Philippines was kidnapped by nine people via a dating app after they catfished him into thinking they were a woman interested in going on a date with him.

No matter how OA it may seem, it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

4. Remember: you’re talking to human beings. 

A survey from Forbes Health revealed that 79% of Gen Zs are experiencing dating app burnout and fatigue – a number that isn’t surprising considering the respondents of their survey would spend almost an hour each day on said apps. 

As you spend more and more time on these apps, swiping left and right on profile after profile, it all starts to feel rather mechanical. 

You may even start looking at it as a game instead of a way to meet new people, or simply as a means of boosting your ego. 

In experiencing burnout, you may start to see the people you talk to as replaceable, because in a way, they are. Why put effort into a conversation when you can start a new one with just a few swipes, after all? 

Dating apps are a convenient way for you to meet new people – perhaps even the love of your life. And that isn’t going to happen if you just half-ass your conversations or view the people you talk to as replaceable. 

In using dating apps, it’s extremely important to regulate your use. 

If all you do on the app is swipe and swipe without actually trying to get to know who you’re talking to, and are at the same time hoping you’ll get a serious relationship out of what you’re doing, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

Take breaks from time to time. Focus on getting to know a person instead of adopting a “collect-and-select” mindset. Remember that these are human beings, too, and they should be treated as such.

5. Don’t get your hopes up but don’t get discouraged either.

There are mixed reviews on if relationships born from dating apps truly last; there are some that get married to people they matched with, for example.

However, there are others who argue that relationships that begin online are more unstable compared to if you have first met in person.

If you’re using a dating app in the hopes of finding a serious relationship, remember that you’re not going to find the love of your life right away. Building a relationship, and finding someone you want to spend your life with, all of that takes time. 

Like any relationship, you need to invest patience. At the same time, though, it’s important not to get too invested. 

Be wary of things like love bombing, and don’t fall for the first person who shows you even the smallest semblance of interest.

In your dating app journey, hold on to your principles and standards. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve, and above all, don’t rush things. 

The best thing you can do is go with the flow; whatever happens will happen, and what (or who) you deserve will come to you in time. 

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