FRIENDSHIPS often provide us with comfort and support.

When you have a friend or a group of friends, you are expected to build a meaningful relationship with them. They can serve as your companions or “ride or die” person, much like family.

However, friendships can also be quite demanding. In this era where people are too busy living, juggling their responsibilities, studies, work, and schedules, maintaining a friendship can be challenging.

Yet, people continually develop new ideas to adapt to this lifestyle. For some, the concept of friendship has evolved to the point that it no longer relies solely on constant communication and frequent gathering.

Understanding low maintenance friendship

Low maintenance friendship is a type of relationship that has limited interaction, yet it remains meaningful and supportive. In this kind of friendship, friends often have their own “ghosting pace,” where they might communicate only once a year or not talk for several months before reuniting.

Though friends may not interact regularly, there are no hard feelings. They understand and respect this phase of their friendship. When they do meet, they still experience the same excitement and joy in their conversations.

Merry Nizza Llanto, 22, describes low maintenance friendships as being built on a foundation of trust and understanding. “For me, ‘yung ganitong klaseng pagkakaibigan ay treasure kung maituturing kasi hindi naman lahat nakakatagpo ng ganitong friendship. Maganda sa ganitong friendship ay ‘yung feeling na validated ka all the time kasi kahit ano mang mangyari, alam mo na at the end of the day mayroong tao na maiintindihan ka, i-a-accept ka, mamahalin ka, at pipiliin ka,” she shared.

April Rivera, 21, adds that this type of friendship is stress-free, as no one feels pressured to communicate every day, especially when both are busy. Additionally, it allows for focusing on personal priorities without the anxiety that comes from worrying about losing friends due to a hectic schedule.

“Mas nagkakaroon ako ng oras na makapag-focus sa mga priorities ko at ma-balance silang lahat nang maayos. Also, it gives me peace of mind since I know my friends will understand if there are times na hindi ako makasama sa kanila due to busy schedules,” she explained.

While friendships typically require regular communication to remain close, low maintenance friendships redefine this concept by emphasizing that the bond between friends can remain strong and valuable, even when time and distance are not on their side.

However, like any relationship, friendships face their own challenges beyond busy schedules and personal priorities.

Let’s talk about us

Since communication is one of the foundations of friendships, low maintenance friendships often encounter challenges in this area, especially when individuals need their friends the most during crucial times.

For instance, Rivera finds herself hesitating to open up during her difficult times. “Gusto ko sanang mag-open up, pero naghe-hesitate ako kasi hindi ko alam if my friends are in the right space or mood to listen. Baka mamaya may pinagdadaanan din pala sila tapos dadagdag pa ko,” she expressed. She also worries about making her friends feel obligated to always be available for her.

Meanwhile, Abegail Cruz, 22, has felt guilty about not making an effort to spend time with her friends. Nonetheless, her friends understand her situation, which helps her appreciate their friendships even more.

She added that this kind of friendship allowed her to reconnect with an elementary school friend. “We were busy—- we couldn’t make an effort for each other, but over time, we made an effort to reunite. Even after years of not talking or seeing each other, we found a way to rebuild our bond through open communication, proving that true friendship can endure despite long periods apart,” she said.

According to Dr. Marisa Franco, PhD, a psychologist and expert in human connection and friendship, in American Psychological Association podcast’s ‘Speaking Psychology,’ maintaining a friendship requires creating ‘continuous unplanned interactions,’ assuming your friend is interested in what you are up to. ‘‘Hey, they’re probably wanting to hear from me and they’re probably wondering about me, too.’ And that being the mindset that can allow you to actually reach out to some people that you want to connect to,” she points out.

This indicates that even in a low maintenance friendship, reaching out to your friend occasionally is crucial for maintaining the relationship.

Dr. Franco further explains that early signs of reciprocity are important in friendships, as it’s essential to have someone who seeks you out and wants the best for you.

Dear friend,

While low maintenance friendships are often associated with “ghosting,” it’s important to recognize that this does not have to mean that you have to completely disappear, especially when your friends need you.

Dr. Marisa reminds us that communicating a misunderstanding during these times are crucial, “The fact that someone didn’t respond to your text message alone does not indicate that they’re trying to ghost you or end the relationship. So I just think it takes us taking a step back and evaluating the landscape of the friendship more broadly to try to figure out what’s going on.”

If you sense that a friend is pulling away due to their busy life, consider taking the initiative to communicate and arrange a get-together to discuss the matter. 

Fostering low maintenance friendships can lead to deeper mutual understanding, respect, and support,  even within the constraints of modern life.

In embracing this approach, we can still maintain a meaningful connection, proving that distance, time, and responsibilities cannot break the ties between friends who truly understand and respect one another.

With reports from Ashly Mae Nabus