BREAKUPS are rough, but they’re even harder to get through when you get cheated on. When you first find out, a million questions start running through your mind: “Was I not enough?” “Why would they do that to me if they said that they loved me?” “How could someone be so cruel?” “Did our relationship mean anything to them?”
The stress, the anxiety, all of it feels like it’s never going to go away.
But, like in any problem in life, this is something that you’re going to be able to heal from in time… no matter how long that time may be.
If you’ve just found out that you’ve gotten cheated on, or are still trying to heal from what has happened, here are some things to remember while you’re on this journey.
- Don’t blame yourself.
“Kulang ba yung pagmamahal na binigay ko sa kanya? Hindi na ba siya masaya sa’kin? Was I just not enough?”
Post-breakup, you may start blaming yourself for what your former partner has done to you. It’s important to remember, though, that it’s not your fault, even if they try to convince you otherwise.
Cheating was an act that your partner chose to do of their own accord; if they were unhappy, or no longer wanted to be in a relationship, then there was always the option to leave or break up instead. They and they alone are the ones responsible for their actions.
Marriage and family therapist Ashley Hudson explains that there are several reasons why someone may cheat, with anger toward one’s partner, low self-esteem, and a low commitment level being just some of them.
You’re never going to move on if you’re constantly dwelling on why they did what they did, and you’re especially not going to be able to move on if you start asking yourself what you could’ve done to avoid them cheating, because again, it wasn’t, isn’t and will never be your fault.
- Look forward to better and brighter things.
When a relationship ends, particularly when you get cheated on, it may sometimes feel as if the world is ending. How are you expected to move on after all the hurt you’ve had to go through?
Don’t forget, though, that the world is vast. It’s a place filled with beauty. Take this time to remember that beauty, and to find it even in the smallest of things. You have a family that loves you and friends who would die for you.
Spend your time making plans with your friends, going on dates with them, or visiting your family. You can also fall in love with being alone once again; make time for your hobbies, or do the things that your ex used to get mad at, or perhaps wouldn’t even allow you to do.
Go to that party, come home at three in the morning, and live life without a care in the world. Know that you made the right decision in leaving because now you can look forward to all the beautiful opportunities that may come your way.
Yes, the hurt may be here now, but the world didn’t end when they left, and it will keep turning even now that they’re gone.
- Don’t close your heart up from loving again.
When a person gets cheated on, they often have great difficulty in trusting others again; this impacts not only their ability to get into a new relationship but also makes it harder for them to meet new people or maintain the relationships they already have.
How, after all, are you supposed to let people in again after what you’ve had to go through? After you’ve gotten your trust betrayed by the one person who was supposed to take care of it the most?
Even though it’s hard, don’t close yourself up to new experiences and to new people just because of one asshole.
There is so much love in this world, and to reject all of that for something that wasn’t even your fault is only going to end up hurting you in the long run.
