THEY say that high school is the most fun part of your “school life” and many people would agree. But others would consider it their personal hell.
Coming from the iconic film “Mean Girls” (2004) starring Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams, the “Burn Book” culture is the process of bullying someone behind their back, in short—backstabbing them.
In the film, this culture is induced by social group hierarchy and insecurities that high schoolers experience, turning them into bullies to assert dominance. Therefore, high school is the home of bullies—it’s the home of people mocking you, trying to put you in a box, and making you feel insecure.
But high school is also the home of prom, friendships, field trips, and many more experiences that you should not let any bully take away from you.
So, here are five tips to escape being written about in someone’s burn book:
Be friendly but not too friendly
High school is full of different personalities. It’s like taking a stroll in a garden full of different flowers. But not every flower you see is safe for you–one may look beautiful but it could be poisonous enough to kill you.
That’s how people in high school are. There are a variety of characters that you’ll meet each day and it’s important to interact with them, to talk to them on occasion. Build a connection with everyone you meet so people are aware that you don’t mean any harm.
Building a connection doesn’t mean that you’ll pry into their lives and act like you’re entitled to know more. This might make them feel like you’re pushing yourself to them, and it could cause a problem. Make sure that you still keep a certain distance.
It’s also fun to know more about these people: what makes them laugh, what makes them tick. It can help you avoid crossing them in the future.
Keep some privacy
More than not prying into other people’s lives, you should also make sure that they don’t pry into yours—or give them any reason to. It’s nice to share details but then again, not everyone can keep your secrets safe. So, it’s better to keep most parts of your life private.
It also helps to build curiosity or a mysterious façade, when people are curious about you because they don’t know about you. More or less, they will leave you alone. Because what could ever be your real life?
It also takes away the power from them because they don’t know much about you. Nothing can be used against you. Make sure that you control what people know, and even if some know, make sure that you share that information with the right people.
Have acquaintances
Contrary to the popular belief that keeping your circle of friends small in high school can save your life, it is much better to have acquaintances from every friend group there is in your grade (even from other grades if you can!). As we previously said, build connections everywhere.
It doesn’t mean that you need to rotate yourselves and be part of every friend group (that could be dangerous in the long run). It just means that you need to have one person you can count on in every group.
This way, you’re protected from any probable backstabbing that could happen inside their respective friend groups. It can also be a case of: “Don’t talk bad about them, they’re my friend!” and “My friends have been talking bad about you, I’m sorry.”
Either way, it’ll help you to know who to avoid and what you can do so people won’t talk bad about you. Having connections everywhere can save your life. When you know people everywhere, other than not feeling alone, you’ll feel safer.
Just be cautious with who you choose as your acquaintance because they could also be the person you should be avoiding.
Stay true to yourself
There’s nothing that could save you more in high school other than staying true to yourself. Being around too many personalities creates an image of who’s better and who to follow. You must never lose sight of the person that you are regardless of what box they put you in.
It’s possible that you won’t be able to stop the “burn book” culture but at least you’re going to look back on your high school memories knowing that you never tried too hard to fit in and that you ruined yourself in the process.
They could gang up on trying to change you, into making you like them (whatever that is), but what’ll help you win is that you’ll never give in. Enjoy your teenage years being who you want to be instead of just trying to belong.
At the end of the day, belonging won’t make you happy; it’s just going to hold you back. So, find the courage to stay true to yourself, even if no clique exists for you… make one yourself.
Because, according to Alesha Peterson: “Sometimes, being alone is the upgrade.”
Fight back
If all else fails, fight back. Put your fists up and stand your ground. High school can be vicious sometimes, even when you do everything to avoid any altercations—they just won’t leave you alone.
Learn to fight back, learn to stand up for yourself, and let them know that you’re not going to let them step over you. They’ll stop once they know that you’re not just going to stand there while they bully you because bullies prey only on the weak.
If you show them that you’re strong, that you have it in you to fight back—they won’t bother messing with you because it isn’t worth the energy. They only enjoy it if the power remains in their hands.
Plus, it’ll also show people that you’re not one to just be pushed around. You’ll create a message not just for the bullies but for everyone. When people know what you’re capable of, they back off.
High school is hard. That’s it. It might be easier somehow academically depending on how you see it, but it’s always going to be hard emotionally—it’ll build you as a person and for the person you’re about to be when you enter adulthood.
In the end, no one could fully prepare you for high school. You just have to make the most out of it while it lasts.
