AS Pride Month begins, more people are going online and sharing their beautiful coming out stories.

For others, however, this may not be such a happy time: those struggling to come to terms with their sexuality or come from a place where their friends or family may not be as accepting as others may feel a certain pressure to come out, especially because it’s Pride Month.

While you may feel obligated to do so, something you need to remember is this: you don’t have to come out if you don’t want to or if you aren’t ready. It’s something you do for yourself, not for anyone else.

Considering the constant rejection of the SOGIE Bill and same-sex marriage into law, as well as a TikTok user recently facing discrimination while using a ride-hailing app, it’s completely understandable to postpone coming out given today’s cultural climate.

So-called acceptance

The Philippines was previously labeled as one of the most LGBTQ+-friendly countries in Asia, though it seems that many members of this community in the Philippines do not think this to be true.

Queer people continue to face discrimination daily.

24-year-old Joyce Remo, who identifies as a femme-presenting lesbian, has been told “sayang ka” in the past. Others have assumed that when she gets older, she’ll realize she likes men. Some girls started avoiding her, thinking that she would develop feelings for them just because they were female.

Remo’s negative experiences speak to those of many other queer Filipinos who have all had to face abuse, discrimination, and judgment just for their SOGIE.

She feels that Filipinos are more tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community than they are accepting, which is a sentiment shared by others in the community.

She explained: “Wala pa tayo doon sa state na accepting talaga sa community as in walang prejudice, walang stereotypes. Tino-tolerate lang nila na mayroong mga kagaya natin na nag-e-exist, pero prevalent pa rin ang homophobia, whether [it be] inside or outside the community.”

21-year-old Andi De Leon, a queer cisgender woman, wishes that society wasn’t so heteronormative so that there would be no need to come out anymore – so that people didn’t owe others an explanation of their SOGIE.

For Remo, coming out is not a requirement for queer people.

“Mahirap kasi yung proseso ng coming out, so kung ‘di komportable yung isang tao na ipakita sa mundo yung kulay niya, bakit naman natin ipipilit?”

“Come out when you are ready and when you know you have a good support system to stand by you,” she advised.

She emphasizes the importance of taking your time, as there’s no deadline for coming out.

“Kung ‘di mo pa kaya, kung ‘di ka pa confident at komportable, wag mo munang gawin,” she said.

“Andoon yung esensya ng pag-come out: sa pagiging komportable mo sa kung sino at ano ka na kaya mo itong ipakita sa mundo.”

The reality of the situation is this: coming out is difficult, and not everyone is in the right position in life to do so, whether it’s due to external or internal reasons.

When I first came out to my parents, the first question I got asked was: “How do you know you’re gay if you haven’t even had sex with a girl?”

When I asked my grandmother what she would think if I was gay, all she said was: “I’ll pray for you.”

I struggled deeply with my sexuality following this. I tried to hide it from others, and for a long time, I tried to deny that I was bisexual.

Even when I came out, I was faced with criticism from others – people asking if I was straight since I was dating a guy, as well as questioning if I even was gay for this same reason. While I don’t regret coming out, I do admit that dealing with it afterward was a struggle.

A word of advice

Whether you decide to come out this coming Pride Month – or any other day after – make this choice based on whether your heart tells you that it is the right time.

Remember that you are not any less queer if you haven’t yet told others of your identity, because in the first place, it isn’t anyone’s business what your sexuality or gender orientation is.

You are not any less brave because each day that you are alive is a form of defiance to those who judge you simply for being who you are.