LAST MONTH, there was a viral post on X about insensitive dormmates who invite their significant others to sleep in their dorms without asking their dormmates. This prompted several college students to share their experiences of the same situation.
While inviting your partner into your place is a sweet gesture to enjoy some comfy time together, it becomes a problem once it invades another person’s privacy.
It is important to remember that when you’re sharing a room with someone, it’s not only your place as it belongs to both of you. As such, they should always be considered in any decision.
A living space, whether shared or not, should also be your comfort space. A place where you can rest, recollect, and be your “home” that you run to when the outside world feels too suffocating or too overwhelming.
In fact, two students have expressed their sentiments about the matter. Zee, a junior MedTech student, first explained the context of their living situation: she said that they’re only two in the room, and for the first two months of their contract they had separate beds. They eventually replaced it with a bunk bed for more space. Her roommate insisted that she’ll get the lower bunk.
Zee said that she thought she would be fine with that kind of living setup. Since it’s normal to have people visit occasionally, she thought that everyone had the basic human decency to be sensitive with their dormmates—that they would not just invite their partners without their dormmate’s consent.
Ice, another student who bears the same dormmate problems, agreed with this sentiment. She also mentioned that it happened when she was a college freshman and just a week after they moved in.
“Considering na shy and self-conscious person, ako, having someone I wasn’t close to in our dorm made me a bit uncomfortable, especially since nag-aadjust pa rin ako sa new living setup ko.”
“Because of this, hindi ako masyado nakakagalaw-galaw sa dorm, and I tended to stay on my bed whenever my dormmate’s partner was around.”
This was already a red flag for Zee and Ice but they both insisted that it might not be that big of a deal. Of course, their dormmates miss their significant others and they have a place, so it’s not unusual for them to hang out in their place.
However, Ice noticed that it was getting out of hand when her dormmate and her partner would start having arguments in their dorm.
She said that “…the negative atmosphere and mood in our dorm affected my acads, as I couldn’t focus or study well in that kind of environment.”
Zee, on the other hand, mentioned that her experience was problematic: “I was studying that time, when she went back with her partner sa dorm. Yung study table kasi namin is right beside the bunk bed, then nakatalikod ka sa bed kaya hindi mo sila makikita.”
“But that’s the case! I can’t move from my spot kasi they’re cuddling sa bed, hindi ako makalingon. And kahit na obvious na nag-aaral ako, maingay pa rin sila. Ang ending, nagpunta ako sa café to continue yung pag study ko.”
These kinds of experiences made Ice and Zee resent the idea of their dormmates bringing their partners over. Zee said that the feeling of not having her own space in her own dorm room felt too much.
Her dormmate and their partner would use the aircon unprompted (knowing that they’re supposed to use it only at night) and the partner would sleep in the lower bunk, which made Zee feel awkward going to her bunk.
Basically, it was Zee who needed to adjust for them instead of them adjusting for her, considering that she was the one paying for that room and not her dormmate’s significant other. Ice shared these sentiments too but in a more specific way.
Ice said that she hated her lack of privacy. They would make noise at night and would disturb her (she’s a light sleeper). They would even leave their trash in the living room for Ice to clean.
She felt exhausted having to take care of the dorm when it wasn’t her mess in the first place. At one point, it seemed like her dormmate’s partner felt more comfortable in that dorm room than she was.
What was more insulting for Zee was that she already communicated her frustrations to her dormmate. For a time, her dormmate respected her wishes—until they didn’t again.
Ice, however, said that she didn’t have any chance to communicate this issue with her dormmate.
In the end, when both were asked about their message to their dormmates, they expressed their deepest frustrations with just one sentence each:
“Always be considerate. Not all people can tolerate yung ganon.”
“Please respect your dormmates. Remember, you do not own the place.”
Spending time with your significant other is very important, especially if your love language is quality time and physical touch. It is understandable why you would want to invite your significant other to your place.
However, if you live with someone else apart from your partner, boundaries must be respected and valued. Boundaries exist and remain there for the whole time you live together.
It is basic human decency to be sensitive toward the people around you, especially those who live with you.
