PEOPLE often assume that there is ‘something’ in friendships between opposite genders; they are in a ‘secret relationship.’ This assumption causes discomfort for people who just want to make real connections, making them wonder if it is even possible. But in reality, friendship is more than gender. It is not defined by who you are but by the shared memories and trust.
“I have guy friends from childhood, elementary, junior high school, and senior high school. So there are really a lot of them, more than 10.” Mm told RepublicAsia.
For her, platonic friendship with the opposite gender exists; it gives her a different perspective and peace, and it is less complicated. “They are more genuine because my friends are straightforward, no drama.”
However, friendship with men when you’re a woman has a lot of judgments and obstacles.“There are rumors that I have various boyfriends because my friends are all male.”
Even the girlfriends of her friends are jealous of her, but Mm knows her boundaries, distance, and limitations. “Decency and respect should be upheld, especially if you are someone who is in a relationship as well.”
The thing she did to deal with the stigma and judgment was just ignoring it and continuing on with her life. “Just ignore it. As long as the important people in our lives know what the truth is.”
She said that if you let other people affect you, you and your friends will be the ones to suffer. “As long as you are all happy, and no one is being stepped on or hurt, just go for it.”
“It’s up to you whether you give malice to everything or learn to control your mind, feelings, and actions,” she said, insisting that platonic friendships are a real thing.
Aside from Mm, there is Ernest, who also has a friend from the opposite gender.
“It’s okay for me. It doesn’t matter if your friend is of the opposite or same sex.” He told RepublicAsia.
The only things that matter to him are the trust and closeness that individuals have with each other to share things that shouldn’t be broadcast to anyone.
Nevertheless, he shared that there are moments when he gets annoyed because people dictate their friendship. “Mostly, it’s when I got shipped with my friends, even though we are just friends for life.”
Ernest knows himself better; friends are just friends. So when they keep pairing him, he just lets them be. ”Just let it be because even if you explain to them for the nth time that she’s just a friend, there are still people who will ship you together.”
The reason why Ernest gets ships often with any girl he hangs out with is because he has been single for a long time. It annoys him at first, but later, he gets used to it.
The message he will leave for Gen Z about friendships is to socialize more to understand the complexity of relationships with other people.
”There are instances where, even if you are of opposite genders and very close and comfortable with each other, you are just ”friends”—the kind where you can’t imagine having a romantic relationship.”
He added to not let the stigma stick that boys and girls can’t be friends because they will fall in love with each other. “It’s better to experience it yourself, socializing to learn and understand the people outside your comfort zone.”
The last person who will be featured in this story is Raven, a transwoman. For her, “Real friends won’t judge you based on your gender identity; otherwise, that’s not a friend.”
She recalled that while she has a lot of friends from different genders, she has one straight male friend for almost three years whom she has no problem with because of mutual respect. “I think that’s the key not just to those friends of the opposite gender—it even applies to everyone.”
In her experience being friends with the guy, she has not received any negative remarks because they are both mature enough to think that there’s nothing wrong with their friendship.
“My personality is very extroverted; I have friends from different gender spectrums, so those people around me may think that it’s not new that I have a “straight guy” friend.”
Raven’s intention for friendship is always pure: “If there’s a growing issue, I can leave the table anytime—if not amendable.”
Finally, Raven conveys a message to LGBTQ+ people regarding friendships: “You don’t need to listen to somebody’s unwanted opinion. Let’s break stereotypes that there are wrong if you’re an LGBTQ+ member and friends with the cisgender pips.”
She emphasized being sincere and authentic in relationships. “There’s no rule that you can only be in the circle with your same feathers. Humans have social constructs, and gender is fluid.”
Mm, Ernest, and Raven all prove that friendship is more than gender and feelings. It is about respect and acceptance of each other no matter their race, background, and color. The respect and maturity shared in the friendships make it last amidst disappointments, stigma, and judgments.
So what are you waiting for? Tap your friends, say thank you, and celebrate your milestones together.
