PREVAILING issues of cheating among couples have seemingly become a trend, may it be on social media with prominent personalities or next-door couples.
As a society, we side with cheating victims for their romantic misfortune. Indeed, they suffered betrayal, caught in manipulation, and left wounded by the perpetrators— a typical protagonist-antagonist situation. This form of sympathy although comes empathizing to the victims sometimes strips them of their personal narrative while dismissing the complexity of undergoing the experience of being cheated.
In actuality, there’s more to their stories than what is commonly painted. Beneath the experience of cheating, therein lies the story of vulnerability, desperation, pain, and resilience. We may have an idea of how difficult it is to be cheated on but unless the experience reaches our feet, we can never truly understand how devastating it could get.
The Cheating Game
Alias Maui, 21, shared the disrespect he gained from a desperate attempt to fix a relationship alone. “May gusto siyang iba habang inaayos namin yung problem namin… Tapos nag cuddle pa sila habang ako, nag iisip kung paano maaayos yung problema namin… Alam mo yun! Parang nasa process ako ng pag-ahon ng relationship pero nakabitaw na pala siya. Naging option ako that time kasi ‘di siya pinatulan nung gusto niyang lalaki,” he recounted.
Witnessing this kind of dishonesty was a jab coming to his face without a warning. “Masakit syempre lalo na pag malalaman mo pa ay sa ibang tao. O sariling tuklas mo. Like wala siyang pasabi na niloloko ka na pala niya. Tho, syempre sino ba namang aamin na nagloko sila.”
The experience bombed him physically and emotionally. They were still together but the burden of the truth and betrayal lingered, slowly deteriorating his ability to trust and his faith in the relationship. “Lagi akong puyat sa sobrang daming iniisip, lumala anxiety ko. At syempre lagi ko na pinagdududahan bawat kilos niya like kahit super maliit na bagay. Nawala na kasi trust ko,” he said.
This portrays how victims of cheating undergo a series of emotional torture that could affect their everyday functioning. While the other party satisfies themselves with unwarranted company, the victim lays in bed doubting their worth, feeding on insecurities, and drowning in countless thoughts.
Regardless, being the victim of the situation did not excuse Maui from turning the villain in the whispers from the other side. “Sobrang hirap pero pinakamahirap yung naghiwalay kami pero ako pa naging masama na parang kasalanan ko pa na mabilis akong sumuko… Paanong hindi ko susukuan yung gano’n eh manloloko nga. Ilang beses ko na rin kasi yun pinatawad.” He laughed at the last sentence as if it was one of the stupidest things he committed in his life.
The journey to healing was not an easy road for Maui. But every other option leads to one but the right thing— moving on. He thought that distancing himself would distance him from the reality that he was betrayed. Also, he welcomed the love of his friends when romantic love came amiss. “Natulungan ako ng pag-alis ko sa province. Nilibang ko sarili ko sa Manila and natulungan din ako ng mga kaibigan ko in a way na lagi ko silang nakakausap para hindi ko maramdaman na mag-isa ako,” he added.
But in the most cliche sentiment known to mankind, there is always a lesson even from the most hideous experiences. It took a lot of courage to admit that maybe he was reckless to enter a commitment while blinded with the excitement of love without a deeper knowledge and familiarity of the person’s character. “Kilalanin mo muna kung sino yung magiging karelasyon mo bago pumasok sa gano’ng level ng relationship. Kasi pag ‘di mo kilala nang super ay magsisisi ka sa huli,” he lectured.
The devastation from a cheating experience neither knows age nor status. But does it make it worse if the victim was already in the promise of marriage when the betrayal happened?
The experience of cheating for Gail Buñag, 50, still seems like a memory fresh from yesterday. The reason remains unclear whether it was purely influenced or a personal decision that made him break his oath. “Sa aking palagay kaya niya nagawa yun dala na rin ng impluwensya ng barkada. And may mga bagay kaming hindi rin napapagkasunduan. O siguro, sawa na siya sa buhay na meron kami,” she bitterly recollected.
Trusting her partner wholeheartedly only to break it shamelessly made her think that men are fit for this kind of behaviour. “Nagkaroon ako ng trust issue na tinatawag. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng lalaki ay manloloko, walang magseseryoso,” she noted.
“Sobrang hirap sa umpisa. Lalo na may dalawa kaming anak na children pa no’ng time na yun. Wala akong maayos na trabaho, puro maliit ang sweldo ng napapasukan ko. Kaya sobrang hirap sa akin na maibigay sa mga anak ko ang lahat ng pangangailangan nila… Pinakamahirap sa lahat ng mahirap sa aking pinagdaanan nung panahon na yun ay tuwing may hinihingi ang mga anak ko at hindi ko kayang ibigay especially kung sa school gagamitin. May time na dadaanin ko na lang sa galit kunwari para hindi nila ako kulitin. Pero pag nagawan ko ng paraan, saka ko pa lang naibibigay sa kanila,” she said.
This is where cheating becomes more damaging to a relationship. When it is not the love alone that is entirely destroyed but the future of their children to a complete and proper family. It is a testament that cheating is one of the most selfish and terrible decisions one can commit.
Traditionally in the Philippines, men serve as the provider of their families. But when this foundation starts to form cracks, the wife stands up to replace the job. More than the emotional distress of the situation, the pulling pressure to carry her children alone on her back could be draining physically and spiritually.
But exhaustion is merely an option if she was left broke not just with the vows of an unfaithful but with the responsibility to provide her children a comfortable position in life. This case highlights the strength, selflessness and endurance of a mother to break a wall head-on if it means letting her children pass through it safely.
But luckily for Gail, she herself is surrounded by a loving and supportive family where she takes all her strength from despite the seemingly hopeless situation. The love she receives from her family outweighs the one she lost.
“Malaking factor na may family akong hindi kailanman ako iniwan. Inunawa nila kung ano yung pinagdadaanan ko, emotional at financial support ang binigay nila sa akin. Napakalaking tulong din ng aking tatay, na kahit paralyzed siya ay lumalaban para mabuhay. Siya yung motivation ko… At higit sa lahat malaking tulong na may mga anak akong sobrang babait, kahit mga bata sila parang alam na alam nila yung pinagdadaanan ko. Sila yung nagbigay ng lakas ng loob sa akin para lumaban. Sila ang dahilan kung bakit kinaya ko lahat ng hirap at pagsubok na dumaan,” she said.
Although carrying a haunting past, she reminded that one must never see it as a fire that destroys but a spark filled with passion to continue life regardless. “Ang naging aral nito sa akin ay huwag maging dahilan ang pagkabigo mo sa buhay para sumuko. Bagkus ay ito ang ating gamiting instrumento para lumaban at muling tumayo.”
Can a Once Broken Heart Beat Again?
Despite the experience of betrayal, facing stereotypes, and reoccuring trust issues, the cheating victims continue to put their faith in love to swing into the right direction.
Maui accepted that it was not the love and situation that was wrong but the person whom he chose to lay his love on. “Yes naman. Kasi ‘di naman pare-pareho ang tao. Sadyang napunta ako dati sa manloloko kasi ‘di ko naman alam na may gano’n pala talaga siyang ugali dati pa,” he said.
Gail on the other hand believes that true love for her personifies not in a romantic partner but in her family and most especially, her children. “Oo naman. Naniniwala pa rin ako sa love after ng nangyari sa akin. Kasi, hindi lang naman love para sa asawa ang pagmamahal, ito ay nararamdaman mo para sa lahat. Kung bakit? Dahil sa aking family at sa dalawa kong anak palagi kong nararamdaman ang love mula sa kanila. At gano’n din naman ako sa kanila. Hindi dahilan ang kabiguan sa pag-ibig upang hindi ka patuloy na magmahal,” she emphasized.
One experience of betrayal did not define the overall idea of love for the victims of cheating. No matter how loathsome and hideous the experience was, still, there are a long list of reasons to value love as a beautiful experience.
Relationships and love are as complicated as fixing an entangled knot; it is not exactly the easiest to comprehend. But it will never justify engaging in an unfaithful and dishonest activity, especially when you are committed to someone, especially when there are innocent children at stake. It is absolutely wrong in every given angle legally and morally; whether a relationship is binded in marriage or not.
Cheating is a conscious decision that requires sufficient knowledge to execute. As a kid, we are taught the concept of pinky promises— that every promise a two share as their pinkies tie together is meant to be fulfilled. So what makes an adult with the proper intelligence think that it’s completely okay to leave their vows and promises broken after constructing it with their very words while looking directly at their partners’ eyes? A simple question that offers no simple explanation.
Because in actuality, it is hard to understand the thought process behind a person who rather satisfies fleeting temptations than secure a good position. But if there are things that are certain, it is the sleepless nights, the constant anxiety, the raging insecurities, and the overall trauma that can haunt the victim for a long time. The consequences of cheating will be left for the victim to bear alone as the cheaters roam free in their ventures.
But if it is a consolation, cheating is neither the reflection of the victims’ way of love nor their characters but a mirror of the cheaters’ impure intentions, inability to comprehend morals, and total discontentment.
