COUPLES who gossip together, stay together. A new study from the University of California (UC) suggests that spending time sharing some juicy “tea” might actually help build a stronger romantic relationship.
Picture this: you walk into the office, and a co-worker rushes over to spill some piping hot “chismis”—and instantly, you think of your partner. Turns out, being a little bit of a “Marites” could have a perk in your love life.
Published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, the study found that gossiping between couples was “positively associated” with greater happiness and better relationship quality.
Chismis as Love Language
The study observed 76 same- and different-gender couples from Southern California using portable recorders that captured snippets of their daily routines and conversations in various settings.
The findings revealed that across a typical 16-hour day, participants engaged in gossip for an average of 38 minutes, with around 29 of those minutes occurring while they were with their romantic partners.
Among the groups, woman-woman (WW) couples were found to gossip approximately 6.72 minutes more than woman-man (WM) couples, who in turn gossiped about 4.80 minutes more than man-woman (MW) pairs—who themselves gossiped 6.72 minutes more than man-man (MM) couples.
“Given that romantic partners are primary sources of conversation and emotional exchanges for many adult gossip may play a particularly important role in strengthening these bonds,” the study said.
WW and MM couples reported similar levels of overall happiness, though the former rated the quality of their relationships highest on average compared to all other groups in the study. WM couples reported the lowest happiness levels among the participants.
At first, it may seem surprising—how could talking about other people, often in their absence, possibly benefit a romantic relationship?
However, a closer look reveals that the value may lie in the deeper social functions of gossip, the dynamics of emotional connection, and the subtle ways partners communicate and bond with each other.
The Upside of Gossip
Though excess can be harmful, exchanging stories about shared social circles or familiar people can foster emotional closeness and promote more open communication between partners.
Engaging in gossip as a joint activity can strengthen the feeling that both partners are united, reinforcing trust, connection, and other key elements of a healthy relationship.
The researchers noted that couples who share negative gossip after leaving a social event might actually feel more connected than those they left behind; meanwhile, those who share positive gossip may be extending the joy of the experience together.
“This alignment may lead to greater happiness, as both partners feel understood and supported,” researchers went on to say in their study.
So the next time you and your partner exchange knowing looks over a friend’s latest drama, pause to recognize what’s really going on: a subtle affirmation of your bond, shared values, and emotional closeness.
Still, healthy couples should balance gossip with empathy, awareness, and discretion—knowing when to speak, when to stay silent, and when a line might be crossed.
