THE concept of asexuality dates back to the 1890s. According to the website Feeld, the term “anesthesia sexual” referred to people without sexual desire. 

Many people have, though, for centuries, been asexual, perhaps without even realizing it. Like its original definition, asexuality is defined by having little or no sexual attraction to other people. A person can also be aromantic, which is when you experience little or no romantic attraction to other people.

There are many things in life that some people like, and others do not, like pineapple on pizza versus without it, Coke versus Pepsi, the list goes on and on. The same can be applied to sex and romance: it just doesn’t do anything for asexual or aromantic people.

And while this is something that is different – something people are not used to, particularly with how society and media have conditioned everyone to think that being in a relationship makes you whole – that does not make it a bad thing. 

Being asexual

25-year-old Patricia Arabelle Arellano first discovered he was asexual when he was only 12 years old. He noticed people his age becoming more and more interested in sex, but he only felt indifference toward it. 

He has since realized that he does not experience sexual attraction toward other people, but notes that his feelings do not reflect what other asexual people may feel. 

“There’s no right way to be asexual since we all fall into a spectrum of varying degrees and attitudes towards sex,” he shared.

Contrary to what others may think, being asexual or aromantic doesn’t mean that you have to abstain from intercourse, or from dating as a whole. 

When you’re asexual, for example, Stephanie Booth of WebMD explains that you may still feel romantic or aesthetic attraction toward other people without also feeling sexual desire toward them.

“Being asexual doesn’t mean that you have an aversion to sex,” Booth notes.

“It simply means that you don’t feel sexual attraction.”

As per Arellano, asexuality is a spectrum. There are those who identify as asexual and can still fall in love, feel sexual arousal, masturbate, have sex, or enter into committed relationships. He notes that no, asexuality isn’t just another way of saying you’re abstaining from sex. 

““​​I wish people would understand that just because someone is asexual doesn’t mean that they are incapable of showing love or intimacy in different ways,” he stated. 

“Those in the asexuality umbrella simply show affection in different ways that do not equate to being sexual.”

Sex doesn’t make you whole

In the second season of the popular Netflix show “Sex Education”, a teenager named Florence struggles to come to terms with being asexual. 

Seeking for advice, she goes to a fellow student named Otis who tells her she just isn’t ready, and that she just needs to find the right person, making it feel as if there is something wrong with not wanting to have sex. 

Later on, when she talks to a sex therapist named Jean, she tells the latter: “I don’t want to have sex ever. At all. With anyone. I think I might be broken.”

She explains that when she thinks about having sex, she feels nothing, and that she has no connection to it. 

Jean then explains to her the concept of asexuality and aromanticism: how others still want to fall in love, but don’t want to have sex, and others don’t want either. 

She then tells Florence: “Sex doesn’t make us whole, and so… how could you ever be broken?”

Asexual people exist, and there is nothing wrong with them. There is a need for more representation for this community, whether that be in films or in television or in society at large, because it is high time for the world to stop making them feel as if there is something wrong with them.

To those who feel that they may identify as asexual or aromantic, Arellano urges you to take your time in figuring out what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Don’t give into the pressure of having sex with someone just so you can show them you love them in a “conventional” way. 

Aside from this, Arellano also reassures that it’s okay if you realize over time that the label no longer fits you.

“Sexuality is fluid; sometimes we just need to wear different labels or “hats” until we figure out what is right for us, or what we feel the most affinity towards,” he shared.

Your sexuality is decided by you and no one else. Don’t rush yourself in figuring out what works best for you. You have all the time in the world.