CHEATING is often a deal breaker in relationships, typically involving physical disloyalty and a clear betrayal of trust.
But the term micro-cheating has emerged to introduce a clearer understanding of betrayal – one that involves subtle emotional unfaithfulness without necessarily crossing the boundary of physical infidelity.
Although these actions may seem minor, they can weaken the emotional foundation of a committed relationship.
As Dana, a 25-year-old single woman, puts it: “Micro–cheating is a form of cheating where one does not display emotional faithfulness to his or her significant other.”
Unlike the traditional cheating, which involves blatant betrayal, micro-cheating can manifest in a lot of ways, often through seemingly harmless actions that reveal deeper issues when examined closely.
Deleting messages
Remelyn, a 22-year-old in a relationship, further elaborated on specific actions she considers micro-cheating: “For me, reacting hearts to someone’s post, deleting messages, going outside without notifying your partner, being attracted to someone, talking behind your partner’s back or talking secretly, is what I consider micro-cheating.”
In a normal context, deleting something simply implies that it is wrong, no longer needs to be there, or something no one should see anymore.
Deleting messages, whether it’s just one text with the intent of hiding it from your partner, may count as micro-cheating.
The act of deletion itself shows an awareness of wrongdoing, betraying the trust of one’s partner.
While this behavior may seem trivial, it can seriously affect a partner’s feelings, which might create an emotional distance that can be hard to bridge.
Constantly liking someone else’s provocative photos
Reacting to someone’s posts online can mean the same thing as commenting – showing support and interacting. Only difference is, reacting takes less effort than commenting.
But the intent is still there. A single like could mean “I saw this post, I support it, and I want you to know that I do.”
Trixie, a 22-year-old in a relationship, shared her intentions when liking someone’s post, saying, “Kapag babae kasi, hina-hype ko ‘yan sila like ‘yes, queen!’ and my way of doing that is by liking their photos kasi ‘di naman ako ma-comment na tao. Pero kapag may ayaw ako palampasin kasi gusto ko talaga malaman niyang support ko siya, nila-like ko talaga para maisip niya ‘aw, ni-like ni Trixie ‘yung photo ko,’ gano’n.”
However, Trixie emphasized that it’s different for people of the opposite sex.
“Ay nung single kasi ako, madalang pa rin ako mag-like sa photos ng guys so kapag ni-like ko photo mo, it’s my subtle way of saying na ‘hi, I exist, and I saw your post and it was cute,’ gano’n,” she laughed.
This shows that while reacting to someone’s photos may be subtle, it is still intentional.
Doing this may seem harmless, but liking someone’s provocative photos while in a relationship can imply more than just support – it may suggest a desire to let that person know about your presence.
Continuing to do so after a partner has expressed discomfort can be seen as emotional betrayal, raising the question: why do you need to let that person know?
This resonates with Cedie’s sentiment, a 25-year-old single, who listed “flirtatious behavior” as a critical example of micro-cheating.
She concluded that while these actions may not involve physical intimacy, they can feel like a betrayal, stating, “If these micro-cheating behaviors break trust or make one partner feel disrespected, they will be hurtful just like traditional cheating.”
Even without physical cheating, attempting to express appreciation for someone’s revealing photo may also reveal deeper intentions, and may cause the other partner to feel inadequate and insecure within the relationship.
Stalking someone else online
Stalking can have various reasons, most commonly to learn more about a person without directly reaching out to them.
Often, stalking is done without the knowledge of the person being stalked. People who do this typically want to know more about someone or enjoy viewing their content.
Doing this while in a relationship, especially to view their photos and life updates, is a different matter.
It can be compared to a couple whose partner still watches adult content for self-pleasure without the other’s knowledge – why engage in this behavior when you already have someone?
For Remelyn who considers this as micro-cheating, it affects a partner’s emotional security and self-confidence within the relationship.
While stalking may not equate to committing in a relationship with that person, it can lead to a partner questioning your emotional faithfulness.
Entertaining someone you know who likes you
Interacting with someone you know who likes you while in a relationship, is already questionable.
Engaging with someone who likes you, hoping to receive comfort while in an unstable relationship, is another matter.
While it’s totally valid to find comfort during tough times, how and from whom you seek it is crucial when you’re in a relationship.
What’s said in the room stays in the room; more often than not, when couples attempt to resolve their issues by discussing them with someone else instead of each other, it worsens the problem.
This might appear as an opportunity for someone waiting for your relationship to end, providing comfort during your most vulnerable moments.
It’s also a common reason why shaky relationships fail – being vulnerable with the wrong people instead of your partner.
Cedie, who listed sharing intimate feelings such as having deep conversation with ex, or complaining about one’s partner to others, as micro-cheating stated, “…Panigurado it may indicate a deeper issue in the relationship.”
Having deep conversations is always possible with anyone you’re comfortable with.
However, confiding in another person while your relationship is facing challenges, especially when your partner is the topic, can be perceived as a betrayal – given that you and your partner are a team.
Is micro-cheating still cheating?
Question is, does micro-cheating warrant the same consequences as traditional cheating?
Is it a deal breaker?
The answer varies from person to person. Although some view it as forgivable, others see it as a breach of trust.
Yssa, a 21-year-old in a relationship, believes that micro-cheating requires open communication first.
However, she added, “If I already confronted him about it and then he did it again, then it is considered cheating.”
Although actions that count as micro-cheating may seem intentional, it is important to give the person who committed them the benefit of the doubt.
Some people may not be aware of their partner’s boundaries or what their partner considers unacceptable. Open communication might help prevent such misunderstandings in the future.
But if open communication has already happened and there is no change afterward, the responsibility for the micro-cheating falls solely on the one who committed it.
On the other hand, although Remelyn is against micro-cheating, she believes it is not worth ending a long-term relationship over.
“No, I never let my ego take over throughout our nine years of dating, therefore I never make it a big deal. It’s not worth ending a relationship for; it’s merely a common misunderstanding. I won’t risk our relationship to something that is not worth it for,” she shared.
For some individuals, subtle betrayal can’t outweigh all the hardships a couple has endured together, making micro-cheating unworthy of a break up.
Just like Cedie puts it: “Main goal lang naman diyan eh intindihin mo kung bakit nangyari ‘yung mga bagay na ‘yon, at kung willing ba yung partner mo na respetuhin ‘yung magiging sagot mo at mag move on sa mga nangyari.”
Evaluating the relationship as to why it reached to a point of micro-cheating might also help, looking at the bigger picture and the partner beyond their mistakes.
However, this is not what people like Dana stand for, who believe that micro-cheating can lead to full-blown cheating, especially when it becomes habitual.
“Once a person displays a tendency to microcheat, there is a possibility that they, too, won’t be afraid to cheat,” she asserted.
It’s often the small things that matter. In this context, people like Dana believe that big mistakes often start from subtle ones, and what a person is able to do once, they can do twice.
Chi, a 26-year-old single woman, shared a similar perspective, saying, “Personally, micro-cheating is still a form of cheating and yes, it does still warrant the same accountability, because both stem out of someone’s choice.”
“If I were to experience it, I might pave for forgiveness but will probably not be open to continuing the relationship – not that I generalize all cheaters will always remain a cheater, but rather I refuse to tolerate my partner’s action regardless of the reasons and if they may be remorseful about it or not,” she added.
Decisions on these cheating issues are still divided among partners; some are willing to forgive out of love, while others refuse to tolerate such actions and the possibility of being betrayed again.
Regardless, a minor act of betrayal is still betrayal. It brings pain and it is up to individuals to set their own boundaries – deciding what they deem as “unacceptable.”
Ultimately, the recent separation of traditional cheating from micro-cheating should not be used as an excuse to do the latter, applying the reasoning that it isn’t an actual ‘cheating.’
