BEING true to one’s self is a privilege taken for granted by many. 

A lot of people don’t have to wake up every morning worrying about the possibility of being exposed. For them, being their authentic selves is the easiest possible chore in the world. 

But the case is not the same for everyone, particularly for some members of the LGBTQIA+ community. When society frames gender  to rigid binary norms, stepping outside that expectation can feel like a menace. For others, this means facing a world where being different often comes with judgment and fear. 

Yet the freedom to express self-authenticity plays an important role in an individual’s happiness. It allows people not only to appreciate themselves but also to have a better grasp on their needs, aspirations, and desires. 

But how do we do it? 

In a world scarred by ignorance, prejudice, and discrimination—especially toward those who challenge norms around sexuality—finding the courage to embrace your true self is no small feat. How do you summon the strength to live authentically in the face of societal judgment? What role does coming out play in personal growth and self-empowerment? How does standing up for one’s self inspire others to do the same? 

For this article, republicasia interviewed two Gen Zs from the LGBTQIA+ community to share their personal experiences and point of views in the matter of self-authenticity. 

The Coming Out

Noel Francis Largo, 23, recalled his ‘coming out’ to his family.

“‘Yung coming out ko is really really random and unlike sa others wala talaga akong parang set out plan mag-come out,” he said. 

He added that it was an ordinary morning. Only, his dad’s temper was on a flare. Noel often managed to keep his composure but that morning he couldn’t hold back. He snapped back at his father, unable to control the outburst. 

He then went into his room to try to calm himself, but felt really irritated about the way things were. It was the moment when he felt that he already had nothing to lose. 

“Since nailabas ko nanaman na galit ko bakit ‘di ko pa sabihin na gay ako?” shared Noel. 

He proceeded to admit everything in their family’s group message. 

“Sa family group chat ako nag-come out. Wala naman ako ‘yung super big worry na parang palalayasin ako ganun, walang dad talk na naganap. ‘Di na uli na-bring up ‘yun.” 

His dad’s lack of reaction, on the other hand, was contrasted by his mother’s and sister’s show of support. 

“Kay mama no worries naman na ako doon. Chinat niya lang ako na tanggap niya ko either way and may kutob na siya dati pa.”

“Bale merienda ng araw na ‘yun binilhan ako ni ate ng colorful sweets haha, ally,” Noel said proudly of his sister. 

Arvie Joy Recto, 24, also said that she didn’t find it hard to come out. 

“Nothing special about my coming out kasi I’ve been casual about it like I openly tell people around me that I find other girls pretty to the extent of me having a crush on them,” she said. 

Her sexuality also posed no problem for her family, who already had an idea about it prior. 

“As for my family, I think they already knew that I’m not into guys since I never introduced someone as “boyfriend” before. Sobrang casual din ng pagpapakilala ko sa kanila sa gf (girlfriend) ko. Dinala ko lang nang ilang beses sa bahay as a friend then umamin na din eventually.”

Arvie never felt the need to hide her sexuality, especially not with her family, who she knew would accept her for who she truly was. However, she postponed her coming out, knowing that her girlfriend wasn’t quite ready to take that step yet.

“Para sa’kin hindi ko naman kailangang itago yung sexuality ko, although may times na need itago dahil di pa handa yung partner ko na mag come out. And I respect that.”

Struggles and Challenges

Although Noel and Arvie felt that their circles are a safe place to come out, they still weren’t able to avoid the challenges that came before it. For them, the biggest challenge was internal— admitting to themselves who they truly are. 

When Noel came out to his friends, they weren’t surprised with the revelation. 

“Gotta be honest ‘di ko lang masyadong nagustuhan ‘yung alam namin na response,” he admitted. 

“‘Di naman siya offensive totally. Baka ano lang talaga suppressed homophobia din. ‘Ay halata pala ako,’ ganun.”

Noel believes that even members of LGBTQIA+ are prone to internalizing the homophobia expressed by their societies. 

“More on sa part ko rin ‘yun kita mo may sort of internal homophobia pa rin. Naniniwala ako, hindi matik excluded sa homophobia at misogyny ang mga gays.” 

He added that this internalized homophobia was the reason he felt ashamed of coming out. 

“Siguro ito na rin reason kung bakit ‘di ko rin feel mag-come out. Parang wired lang talaga na being straight ‘yung normal.”

Noel admitted that sometimes, his reluctance was also a cause of religious reasons. 

“Although lumaki ako Catholic, wala naman akong parang naging thought na masama ang mga gays, pero may shame that comes with it,” he said. 

Noel felt the need to compensate for his perceived “flaw”. 

“‘Yung mga gay guilty ‘yan na they have to be extra para mas accepted sila. Papakasipag sa school para may ‘at least’ something.” 

Arvie also had to deal with the same internal struggle. At first, she couldn’t accept that what she felt was different for most girls her age. 

“Syempre dumaan din ako noon sa in-denial stage. Litong-lito ako nun kung tama ba yung naramdaman ko nung unang beses akong nagkagusto sa babae. I tried to redeem myself by flirting with different guys pero di naman tumalab,” she said. 

Importance of Coming Out

Noel and Arvie might not have been imprisoned by fear, but with society’s view of what is the default and ‘normal’, they were certainly held captive by shame and the need to conform to the dominant beliefs. 

But both still believe in having the courage to stand up against it and embrace their coming out. 

For Noel, coming out allowed him to come into terms with his authentic self. 

“Siguro good thing din kapag nag-come out, mas on terms ka na rin sa sarili mo,” he said. 

When further asked to expound on his answer, Noel’s response was heartbreaking. He said that coming into terms with himself means that he was able to express who he really is through mundane little things. 

“Since out na pwede na ako mag-yap sa mga kabadingan,” he said jokingly. “Having a crush on a guy, ganun.” 

For straight or heteronormative individuals, talking openly about who they like to their friends is a common occurrence. But this simple and seemingly inconsequential action is often a privilege denied to people like Noel, who grapple to come into terms with their identity. 

On the other hand, coming out helped Arvie gain more confidence. She said that she didn’t have to force herself anymore to conform to what society deems as natural. Being true to herself and to others also made falling in love much easier. 

“Long before I accepted my sexuality, I felt that I was a flawed person because my values and insights were not aligned with other girls my age. It’s like they were crushing on the men basketball players while I was admiring the cheerleaders kind of vibe. It’s hard to explain but it’s like that. I never felt a true spark with guys before, but I was electrocuted with girls,” she shared. 

She added that it allowed her to reach new heights of personal growth and acceptance. 

“Admitting my sexuality to friends and other people gave me a sense of relief since I don’t want the burden of hiding behind the closet haunts me at night. Through coming out, I managed to accept myself as who I really am and become a better version of myself.”

What it means for others

Noel and Arvie’s stories exemplify the challenges and support needed by people from LGBTQIA+. We learn that it was not only the external factors that proposed a challenge to them. The deeply ingrained culture of a society can also affect the way they view themselves. 

But we also see how a supportive circle, especially one that comes from the family, could alleviate their fear and shame of accepting who they really are. 

Noel and Arvie’s stories aren’t just meant to educate those who live within a heteronormative world about what it’s like to be ‘different’ in a society where default sexualities prevail. They also offer a source of inspiration for others in similar situations to stand up for themselves and live authentically. 

Stories like theirs spark ripples of change in a world that desperately needs it.