VALENTINE’S is over, but Love Month is not.

For all the couples who filled the streets with vibrant flowers and cute teddy bears, we hope you had a great time with your “the one.” We wish the same for the singles who spent their Valentine’s Day with their family, friends, or solo. 

For those consistent with their years-long “no-valentine-date” streak, believe that God is preparing someone who will fit perfectly into your life. 

What if that person is someone you bumped into at a coffee shop? A friend of a friend? A long-time friend who has been harboring feelings for you? A player whom you teamed up with in a certain online game? Or someone you “swiped right” on and matched with on a dating app?

But what are the chances one can find true love online?

It’s a match!

Michael Endaya went to Tinder to look for a date he could bring to “Paskuhan,” the highly anticipated Christmas celebration at the University of Santo Tomas (UST) where different local artists perform live for Thomasians. 

On the other side of UST was Red Ronas who just got over from a breakup. Bored at the time, she installed the dating app and tried to look for someone to talk to.

Michael and Red were two different students in the same school and had varying reasons for using Tinder, but destiny pulled them closer to each other with just one swipe right of their thumbs.

In a sitdown interview with republicasia, the couple recounted the day they matched on Tinder in 2019, with Red making the first move by sending a message to Michael.

“I messaged him dahil I saw na from UST din siya. So, naghahanap lang ako ng kausap that time, tapos ayon, we became friends nung una,” Red, now a 24-year-old cake business owner, shared.

“After some time, ‘di kami nakapag-usap. Tapos nung nag-usap kami ulit, nag-decide kami mag-meet. Tapos doon na nag-start, nagkikita kami lagi sa school,” she continued.

Red recounted how they took turns visiting each other’s departments during their breaks at school, even if it was only for a few minutes.

“Kasi nag-o-overlap talaga ‘yung schedule namin. So kahit 15 minutes lang ‘yung overlap, magkikita talaga kami that time,” she said.

The tiring attempts for a good match

It took one swipe for Red and Michael to match and one click to start talking to each other on the dating app. Sounds simple, right? Believe it or not, it took them multiple attempts before finding a good match. 

Red even fell victim to catfishing, a term used when a person steals another person’s image and information and makes a fake identity for themselves. In short, people who pretend to be someone else they are not.

She recalled meeting that person at a shopping mall only to find out he was not the person she was talking to online. Fortunately, nothing bad happened to her and she chose to go back home at the time.

“Iba ‘yung impact, iba ‘yung connection kase ‘pag na-meet mo siya in person. Kasi online, pwede tayong gumawa ng persona na hindi naman talaga tayo. I think, ‘yun ‘yung isang barrier na kailangan i-overcome ng mga tao kung gusto nila makahanap ng someone online,” stressed Red.

“Feeling ko ‘yung sa amin [ni Michael], tsamba lang [kasi] hindi siya ganun kadali. Nag-meet kami online [pero] saglit lang kami nag-usap, tapos nakita na kami in person. So, doon na kami nakapag-build ng relationship talaga,” she added.

Michael, on the other hand, admitted that he felt emotionally and mentally drained using dating apps at some point in his life.

“Na-feel ko siya at that time since parang paulit-ulit na lang siya. Let’s say you’ll match [with] someone, kakausapin mo. Then, hindi nag-work out [kasi] either you ghosted her or she ghosted you. Something like that,” the 25-year-old software engineer said.

Luckily, Michael did not easily give up on dating apps, where he eventually met the love of his life.

So, how did Red ensure that the catfishing incident would not happen again? She said they both agreed to video call each other via messaging service Telegram.

“[Nung] nakausap ko siya ‘di naman siya mukhang scammer,” she jested. “Tapos nakipag-meet naman ako sa loob na ng school. Sa school na, ‘di ba, para kung creepy man siya tsaka kung ‘di man siya from the university, hindi siya makakapasok.”

Their video calls were also a way for Michael to verify Red’s identity, he said.

‘Ghoster’ and ‘ghosted’

However, not everyone who uses dating apps is as fortunate as Red and Michael. 

Take for example Limwel Saludes, a college student from Marinduque who tried to find a good match on Litmatch thrice but to no avail.

Limwel shared with republicasia that he first used Litmatch in 2022, where he met another student from Bulacan whom he talked to for almost six months. As students, Limwel and the person he met on Litmatch did not have much means to travel far to meet each other in person. 

This left them with no other option but to communicate online. However, their communication was not constant.

“Ang problem doon is that nursing student siya, so super busy, and then ‘yung constant connection ba parang nawala kasi sobrang busy [niya nga] daw,” Limwel recalled.

“Nung pa-seven months na, ‘yun, hindi na kami nag-usap. Ayun, parang nag-ghosting na. ‘Yun din ‘yung kinalabasan,” he added.

He tried using the dating app again in 2023, leading him to meet someone from Batangas. 

But their conversation lasted only for almost three months, with Limwel being the “ghoster” this time. Ghoster is the term used to refer to someone who cuts off contact with someone without any warning or explanation.

“Mas bata sa akin so parang immature pa siya. Puro [kami] away ganon, then ako na ‘yung bumitaw kahit talking stage pa lang kasi ang toxic nung connection,” the student shared.

“Ang ending, ghinost ko siya kasi ang toxic na talaga nung talking stage na ‘yun,” he added.

Limwel said he met another nursing student from Cavite through the dating app. Like his first two matches, Limwel’s communication with the nursing student did not last.

“Ang ending hindi din naman nag-work kasi sobrang busy po talaga,” he shared, revealing that he ghosted the guy.

“Kasi ayoko nung ganong connection. Gusto ko ‘yung consistent and then kung busy naman, pwede namang magpaalam kaso hindi nila ginagawa ‘yun. ‘Kaya ang ending gino-ghost ko sila,” Limwel went on.

Is there really true love online?

With all these unfortunate experiences on dating apps, adding the negative stereotypes associated with them, can a person truly find real love on the internet?

That depends on what they believe about love, said Ree Bringuelo, also known as Coach Ree.

Coach Ree—a life coach specializing in self-awareness, self-love, and self-care—told republicasia that if one believes they would find love on dating apps, they would find ways to turn it into reality.

“If you believe that you can find love in your social media, even if ang daming nagsasabi sa’yo na hindi, your mind will create that focus for you. Lahat ng bagay hahanapin niyan to really make it for you,” Coach Ree said.

“So, whether social media or organic virtual applications, if you think that this is love, this is the signs that I’m in love, these are the reality for me, it will create that reality because you believe in it,” she continued.

For Coach Ree, these dating apps give individuals more opportunities to date and cross paths with the right person. While modern technology helps people connect easily, some still find it difficult to date in this generation.

It is not entirely the dating app’s fault. Perhaps, dating is difficult for the user because they have not figured out yet what they truly want, said the life coach.

“Asan tayo in the stage of our lives? Ano ba ‘yung hanap natin? It’s really important to get in touch with ourselves kasi nandoon din naman ang lahat ng sagot,” Coach Ree emphasized.

“If we find love very difficult at first because na-reject tayo at first, it will difficult for us to go out. Meron namang dahil na-reject, mas lalong lalabas. So, asan ka in your point of life ngayon? Because that wll determine saan ding direction gusto mong pumunta,” she further explained.

The online dating stigma

One of the stories we grew up listening to was how our grandfathers and fathers had to go through the eye of a needle just to get our grandmother and mother’s sweet “yes,” as well as the approval of their families. In the ancient Philippines, men were required to do physical labor like cutting wood as part of their courting.

But in the future, we might just hear today’s generation telling their kids and grandchildren that they met their significant other by just swiping right on each other.

While other users successfully found a perfect match, like Red and Michael, some do not admit they met their partners on dating apps because they are afraid of being judged. Dating apps are still stigmatized because others believe they open more windows for cheating and hookups.

While they did not experience being judged because they met on a dating app, Red and Michael said they understand why some couples hide that they met online, especially from their parents who are not exposed to dating apps.

Coach Ree pointed out that people “always judge,” whether the couple met online or not.

“Ang importante is ikaw ba, do you find it na hindi ka comfortable sa ganong set up na nakahanap kang love sa social media? Are you willing na panindigan itong desisyon mo na you find love sa social media? To what extent are you willing to adjust or ano ba ‘yung mindset mo in terms of that?” she asked.

Coach Ree said people will always have comments, especially if it is something that they aspire to have but cannot get for themselves. But she pointed out that none of these will matter in someone else’s romantic relationship because it is just between them and their partner, not the public.

When to try online dating?

Considering their personal experiences, including their struggles, would Red, Michael, and Limwel recommend dating apps to others?

The Gen Z couple said yes, with Michael highlighting their “convenience” and pointing out that everyone’s experience with dating apps is different. 

Red echoed this but reminded users to “manage their expectations.”

“Kung gusto mo lang maka-meet ng mga tao, okay siya. Pero kung gusto mo ng mas serious, baka ma-hurt ka kasi may mga friend akong na-hurt sila online kasi hindi naman serious ‘yung mga nakakausap nila,” she said.

This is why it is also important for users to be mentally and emotionally prepared before getting into online dating, according to Coach Ree.

“You’re investing time, you’re investing yourself, you’re investing effort dito. And of course, you putting yourself out there means, somehow, you’re looking for significance, you’re looking for love and connection,” she said.

When one opens up with another person, the life coach said they somehow allow them to see parts of them they did not know were vulnerable.

“Maybe you’re exposing yourself through your stories through letting him know ano ‘yong mga bagay na importante sa’yo, and what if hindi siya ganon ka-importante doon sa person?” Coach Ree stressed.

“It’s like you’re opening your own Pandora box to different people,” she added.

There is no exact time for when a person would be mentally and emotionally prepared for online dating. Coach Ree said they are the only ones who can tell when they are ready and what they are willing to invest in dating.

“In order for you to find a good relationship, you have to be good as well,” she noted.

“If you’re finding love from a bad position, meaning, you’re finding love because may trauma na nangyari sa’yo [at] gusto mong tapalan ‘yon, then you will get what you’re looking for. You will find a match that could also be toxic, could also be draining, could also be more exhausting,” she added.

Of course, challenges, including rejections, have always been part of one’s dating journey. However, the life coach reminds them to be kind to themselves and learn from the failures they may experience along the way.

If dating gets draining, Coach Ree said it is okay to take a break so that their physical and mental state will recover.

Dating apps as a ‘training ground’

Podcaster Dani Buenvenida, also known as Dani B of “Landian with Dani,” shared pieces of advice with republicasia on what a person, especially first-time users, should expect from dating apps.

Her first advice? Do not expect a lot of things or outcomes from online dating as this could lead to more online dating fatigue.

What should they expect then? Dani B said they should see online dating platforms as “a training ground” for dating, which would help them determine their preferences and non-negotiable when it comes to dating.

“Online dating platforms are a good start for a connection, but eventually you’d have to go out of it if you want to build an actual romantic connection,” the podcaster said.

So, when is the best time to bring the conversation out of the screen? 

“If alam mo talagang click kayo, three months, initiate [ka] na ng meeting in real life,” Dani B advised.

It does not matter whether it is the girl or the guy who initiated the meetup. What is important is that one of them makes the move. 

“Kasi if you miss the chance, you miss the possibility of building that connection with the person,” Dani B highlighted, reminding everyone that they are no longer getting younger.

“Whether you’re 18, 21, 32, 42, if you’re still single, put yourself out there kasi alangan namang hihintayin mo na five years tapos may what if ka pa rin? So, instead of having that what if, take the chance, be confident, make a move,” she further stressed.

Making mistakes when dating online is normal. As Dani B said, these could serve as lessons that would help them know their next move when the right person shows up.

If they think the person they are talking to has been missing in action (MIA) or no longer pays them attention, then, there is no need for them to waste their time and effort. Dani B said that is a sign to back off and distance themselves from that person.

“If you go on online dating apps, just have fun, explore, take risks at the end of the day, masasabi mo na, ‘Ah na-try ko naman ‘to. It’s not for me,’ or ‘Na-try ko ‘to and it is for me,’” said Dani B.

“Just go out here. Be confident. And if you make mistakes, find lessons or find things na pwede mong matutunan [from] those mistakes,” she added.

3 things to remember

Dating apps are pretty simple to use. With a few clicks and swipes, you can easily connect with the person you are interested in. But if we are touching on the mental and emotional aspects, there are several things users should be mindful of when using these platforms.

If you are attempting to use dating apps, here are the three key points you should consider first before meeting people online, according to Coach Ree:

• Find your why — Know your intentions for using dating apps. Ask yourself,  do you want a real relationship? Do you want companionship? Are you looking for the one?

• Establish rapport — You won’t get the outcome you want from online dating if you do not have mutual trust and understanding with the other person.

• Have a safety net — Of course, you need to ensure your safety by allowing your trusted people to know your whereabouts and the things you do, especially if you are planning to meet someone you talked with online personally.

After pondering on all these things, would you say you are ready to take the risks in online dating? Would you swipe right for love?