OFTENTIMES, the grand gestures—bouquets, cinematic confessions speak about the love we know, or several extravagant surprises under the moonlight on a cold night in December, making the world of romance even more ideal.

Snows were paid actors witnessing a milestone, while in the middle were two people not minding their swollen noses, breathing the freezing air, living the same moment. They were probably brought by the warm spirit of love.

There are multiple bases of affection and various efforts of love that we commonly encounter—the love languages. These languages take the form of words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, receiving gifts, and, lastly, quality time. 

In the department of love, these languages play significant roles in a relationship.

But beyond these visible acts lie the quieter, simple everyday labors of love that often go unnoticed. These are the small, unspoken efforts that sustain relationships; remembering how someone takes their coffee—their favorite flavor, their go-to brewing method, or that someone’s preferred time to jog in the morning or afternoon, sending a “drive safe,” “I have prepared your lunch!” text, adjusting to a partner’s habits, or offering a silent presence during difficult moments in the relationship. 

However, the underlying question of why individuals often disregard these gestures, which are essential to love, remains unanswered.

In a relationship, according to Cherry Quimora, a 28-year-old with a turning six-year relationship in May, it is highly significant to be able to recognize and value the invisible labors of love. To notice and also appreciate even the smallest acts of care of your partner. 

“Hindi ‘yun parang wala lang sa akin, palaging appreciated ‘yun. Kapag umuuwi siya, lagi siyang nagluluto. Hindi lang para sa akin, kundi para sa buong pamilya ko,” she explained. 

“Siguro, yung iba sinasabi na  parang wala na lang dahil matagal na sila. Lalo na kapag mag-asawa na or live-in, hindi na pala ganon kauso ang mag-’i love you’ sa asawa. Pansin ko ‘yun sa mga katrabaho ko,” Cherry added.

Oftentimes, there are instances where the “kilig” moments are gradually fading away. During these moments where this factor tends to slip away, the labor of love is seen as responsibility. Unintentionally, it falls to a road where it becomes a chore. In the same manner, Emmanuel Matining, 22, on his perspective:

“Minsan kasi, kapag nakasanayan mo na siya, parang ano na lang siya, normal. Alam mo ‘yon, parang tinitingnan mo na lang siya as a responsibility ninyong dalawa. Lalo na kapag napagdaanan mo na siya sa ibang tao or sa past relationships mo. May kilig pa  rin but ’di ‘yung super kasi naranasan mo na.”

Recognizing small labors of love

Sometimes, people tend to forget and make their partners feel appreciated for their unpaid efforts. From the moment they prepare our breakfast and lunch with notes of love and encouragement, drive you to work, and fetch you in the office when evening comes. Small labors of love—called home.

In an article written by Sarah McVanel on her website called Greatness Magnified about recognizing partners, she said when those who are important to us express their appreciation, it serves as a stabilizing and empowering influence, reminding us that we are liked, loved, and sufficiently supported to be alright because we are deserving.

According to Cherry, simply saying ‘I love you’ as her way of saying “thank you” to her partner is not enough. It is always ‘I love you so much” for them to vocally show how much they appreciate the efforts they do for each other.

Likewise, for Emman, recognizing the labors of love means to reciprocate and giving back the same energy. “Totoo naman na pampatibay siya lalo na kung may mga times na [may] pinagdadaanan kayo. Tapos [may] mga small acts [na] nakakataba ng puso. Naa-appreciate ko naman ‘yung mga actions niya kasi to be honest hindi naman ako materialistic. Ibinabalik ko lang din sa kaniya ‘yung mga ganun kasi for me, give and take ang relationship. Reciprocation ba, para maramdaman niyang hindi lang siya ‘yung nag-eeffort sa relationship.” 

Small gestures to strengthen the foundation of a relationship

They might be simple and small, these gestures play as a constant reminder that there is someone who sees us during our most vulnerable moments, during the loud cheers of triumph, down to the most deafening cries of pain. Reminds us that someone got us, knows us, and is willing to be a crying shoulder at times. 

For Cherry, she believes that even the most straightforward actions play a huge role when it comes to boosting a relationship.

“Naniniwala ako dun. Lalo na kapag simula sa una hanggang ngayon ay ginagawa mo pa rin ‘yung effort na ‘yun. Lalo na kapag babae ka. Ang babae [kasi] maarte, gusto palagi consistent. Example, kapag monthsary, nakalimutan ng partner mo [na] batiin ka, hindi maiiwasan mag-overthink hanggang sa makasanayan mo na,” Cherry emphasized. 

In the same manner, Emman conveys the same opinion as Cherry. Truly, consistency is the main event when it comes to relationships. It mainly supports establishing the connection between the couple, as well as the trust and fosters security.

“Yeah, lalo na kung consistent. Tipong hindi mo na kailangan hingiin or mag-beg kasi gagawin niya ng kusa.”

In quiet ways, these are the minuscule efforts that we make known. The language where hearts acknowledge the simplest form of love. To feel confident in the joy and promises of commitments, to reaffirm the gentleness of the romance. Simple things are the most. 

Yet, are they effective enough? When actions are not sufficient and seem lacking, then what happens next? No matter how grand a gesture is, the invisible labor of love will invariably make its way to make one’s heartbeat go wild. Messages of “I bought this because I remembered you,” will forever be the top tier.

Sometimes there is no need for material things to show your affection, it is enough to make your partner seen, heard, felt, and appreciated. The prime purpose of love is to make the invisible, visible.

The heart says what the lips can’t utter. When the lips are unable to express themselves, actions tend to speak more powerfully in the subtlest way—through actions. They reveal the unspoken words through acts a little louder.

At times, words are unnecessary, as persistent actions are sufficient. In the end, perhaps the deepest “I love you” is not spoken, but shown through quiet, and enduring care. 

With reports from Ivory Jade Q. Guizon