PEOPLE are already at the stage where they accept that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. This is true to all aspects of relationships whether family, partners, siblings, or even workplaces. This is because we are all humans and we all make mistakes making it imperfect. Life experiences, personality differences, and different problems are also factors that can make relationships imperfect.
We only have perfect matches. In the aspect of romantic relationships, perfect matches happen when two people click and it feels like everything is falling right into its place. But even perfect matches end due to situations when one of them crosses the boundary. This is the boundary that can be considered as unforgivable.
Myra Bazar, 22, who is in a three-and-a-half-year relationship, agreed that there is no perfect relationship as there is no perfect human.
“Every couple experiences misunderstanding, fighting, and other challenges when in a relationship. Every individual is different and has flaws which often lead to imperfections in a relationship.”
Common Problems
The main cause of an imperfect relationship are the problems faced by the couple. These problems break the harmony of a relationship. Some got stuck by these problems which resulted in break ups, while some stayed and fought for their love. Bearing the bearable and enduring the negotiables.
Myra mentioned the problems that she and her partner faced in a relationship, “For me, I think it would be lack of communication or miscommunication, lack of intimacy, and even having different priorities or goals in life.”
For 22-year old Jade Ribleza, who is in a five-year relationship, miscommunication is a common problem. “Sometimes, ‘di ko masabi ‘yong mga gusto ko. Kapag ganun, hindi na lang ako magsasalita which is hindi pala dapat. What I learned in my 5-year relationship is that it is important to be transparent and vocal. Kasi paano malalaman ng partner ko ‘yong mga ayaw and gusto ko kung hindi ko sasabihin sa kanya, diba?”
These problems might lead to immediate break up depending on how deep the love of couples may have. Just like other aspects, we also have the negotiables and non-negotiables in love. In the context of love, the negotiable is any problem faced in a relationship that can still be discussed and compromised while the non-negotiable is the problem faced in a relationship that is unforgivable.
Negotiable
Myra considered white lies as something that she could bear in a relationship. “For example, my partner lied about going somewhere to avoid hurting my feelings or making me mad. As long as the intention is forgivable, it is something I would bear if there’s an open communication to address the reasons why he lied,” she said.
Jade, on the other hand, considered her partner being bossy as something that she could bear in a relationship. “There are times that he would tell me that I should do this and that, especially, when it comes to updating. Ako kasi, I’m not the type na mag-a-update oras-oras lalo kapag may lakad ako. Gusto ko mag eenjoy lang ako. Eh siya kasi gusto niya mag-aupdate ako from time to time. That’s negotiable for me. I can bear it.”
Non-negotiable
Myra and Jade both answered cheating as the non-negotiable in a relationship.
Jade explained, “If mag-cheat siya, good bye agad. Kapag kasi nag-cheat, mawawala na ang trust, and trust is very essential in a relationship. You guys won’t work without trusting each other.”
But why is white lie negotiable and cheating is non-negotiable when both are under the form of lying? White lies and cheating are both lies done by choice but with different intentions. People tell white lies with the intention to save others from hurting. Cheating, on the other hand, is a serious problem because it is done without thinking whether it can hurt others.
Embracing the imperfections of a relationship is good, but knowing when to quit better. When you’re already questioning your self-worth in a relationship, it might be a sign to let go before losing yourself.
