HISTORICALLY speaking, a romantic relationship was a sublime gradual process. A meticulous journey seeking the kind of love capable of calming the waves beyond rage; of an old soul that mirrors a timeless art; of an unperfect love but a proud and faithful one. That despite the abundant choices in the sea of people, the spirit of traditional love remains distinct and gold.
Filipino dating culture back in the day is comparable to the beautiful fields where letters were written passionately and delicately, and every word was determined to grow butterflies. Poems were showered with tender affection, music danced with emotions from those eyes that tell a love story, and flowers held so much adoration that even their thorns didn’t matter.
An era where romance is so alive and pure.
Where that four-letter word has never been solitary.
Back then, women illuminated classical modesty and were more reserved. Men, on the other hand, embody chivalry and resoluteness in their support for those they care about.
The process of courtship plays a crucial role in a man’s efforts to win the heart of the woman he adores. Every endeavor and various gestures are offered to demonstrate that his intentions are heartfelt. In its simplicity, individuals do not quickly commit unless they feel sufficiently assured.
To win over both the parents and the woman, Filipino wooing might entail chopping wood, in the native tongue—pagsisibak ng kahoy, serenading or panghaharana, and pag-iigib. Furthermore, limited physical contact is valued, formal introduction to families to seek their permission is necessary, writing letters to keep in touch and other strategies to gain deeper affection for the woman.
The old-fashioned way of asking a woman’s sweet ‘yes’ is a process. Never been done overnight.
In contrast to this generation’s dating culture, dating has become more than just an emotional journey, particularly for Gen Zs. This generation shows eagerness in the pursuit of finding the person of their standards, which this act, comes with debatable choices, and the characteristics of their potential future lovers. Nowadays, finding a romantic relationship is a process of knowing someone accompanied by checklists.
With the quantity of relationship content online, people are more aware of what to look for in a partner. But is this awareness making relationships healthier, or are we too focused on finding perfect partners? Are we setting fair standards for them or dismissing potential partners too quickly?
Gen Zs Concept of Dating Standards and Their Influences on the Dating Culture
Were you ever asked a question that goes like this:
“Bakit ka single? A. Choice mo lang. B. Siguro may hinihintay? C. O baka naman masyado lang mataas ang standards mo? Try mo rin babaan minsan.”
Probably, you slowly raised your eyebrows after hearing those remarks out of curiosity, as they kind of hit a nerve. Hence, later on, you contemplated and scrutinized yourself with a whirlwind of thoughts. Bakit nga ba? Is it your choice? Perhaps you are waiting for someone to come back or simply waiting for the one to come. Or maybe it is because of your standards.
Certainly, there are numerous reasons you came up with. You are single because after because. Your reasons are almost validated by no one but you. Upon having your dilemma, there is a sudden light that strikes you from the reckoning.
Yup, the most important thing you are significantly concerned with…drum roll please…is your standard—that checklist of yours—written in your notes, or the back of your high school notebook you wrote one afternoon due to severe boredom in your history class. There, the characteristics you seek in choosing your life partner were written.
Whether we are looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend, we seek those who reflect our ideals. Of course, the traits we seek in a man or woman will not be overlooked. It often begins with an outward appearance.
As an avid fan of Korean drama series, Kyla Mae Nacawili, 21, actively shared her standards for her future partner.
“Yung medyo matangkad sakin, ‘yung fair skin, and matured at gentleman syempre,” she narrated. Kyla, she’s not specifically looking for a good-looking man, but a man that will balance her character as a simple and a bit reserved type of woman. “And gusto ko rin ‘yung masipag at madiskarte sa buhay,” she added.
But what if the so-called standard sounds a bit demanding at some point? Are you willing to accept them if they don’t mark complete your checklist?
“I have standards when it comes to finding my future partner not because I’m demanding, but because I believe in finding a love that’s as special and unique as the person I am. It’s not about a checklist, but more about discovering a connection that feels perfectly right,” Rheylan Monsanto, 22, shared his thoughts about having standards for his future partner.
He further shared that he is looking for someone who will be by his side in the future and whose heart beats in harmony with him. “Someone who shares my dreams and values and someone who will cherish me as much as I cherish them. It’s about finding that special someone who makes my heart sing and makes me feel safe, loved, and completely at home.”
A coin features two sides. One shows the face, while the other side represents the bird. Despite having two different sides, the coin is still considered as one. Much like gambling in love; we could win and double the amount we bet initially, or sometimes lose.
For Kyla, “Mabuti na rin yung may standards kang tinitingnan kasi as a woman we need to be meticulous and careful in choosing our future partner dahil nakikita naman natin ngayon na marami ng naghihiwalay kasi di nila ganun nakikilala ‘yung tao. Nagustuhan lang nila out of their curiosity.”
Similarly, according to Rheylan, having standards helps you find the perfect partner.
“It’s like having a map to guide you toward a truly special love. It helps you focus on what truly matters to you, making the search more intentional and less overwhelming.”
However, for him, it is important to keep in mind that being too strict can sometimes make you miss out on amazing people who might not perfectly fit your initial image. “When you do find that perfect partner, though it’s like all the stars aligned, and you’ll know it was worth every bit of the careful searching! And also kapag ang nakasama mo sa future ay ‘yong taong sa una lang pala magaling, sa una ka lang pala mamahalin, at the end of the day ikaw rin ang magsa-suffer, ikaw rin ang luluha mag-isa sa huli. Kaya I set standards when it comes to searching for someone.”
Setting standards is not wrong. They only reflect our preferences and how we want to be romantically treated. But diligently seeking those standards will only lead to two things: either we find them or we miss them in the process.
Is Setting High Standards Fair?
For all the standards we have established for ourselves to find, is it still fair for us and to the people we meet? Does reality give us greater avenues to pursue our future partners? What if setting high qualifications means slowly making our mindsets way unrealistic at some point? Maybe, we should just let each other bump into one another and see if there is that spark or wait for the moment where everything and everyone is in slow motion while we stand there and locked into each other’s eyes?
“Oo fair pa rin naman kasi lahat naman tayo ay may kanya-kanyang preference when it comes in choosing our partners. Depende na lang talaga kung gusto nila ituloy ‘yung pagkagusto nila sayo para ma-meet yung standards na hinahanap mo,” Kyla emphasized.
Kyla shared that it is still fair, as everyone has their standards. The only thing that differs from the game is the decision to continue their feelings if you don’t meet their standards or when you are lucky enough to have fate on your side.
In the same manner, for Rheylan, “Effective ang mga standards. It is just like a goal that you want to attain in the future and sometimes dahil sa mga standards ko, hindi ko na tinutuloy ‘yung date kung feeling ko, hindi siya ‘yung taong hinahanap ng puso ko. Masakit man minsan, pero mas masakit ‘yung mag-aaksaya ka ng panahon at damdamin sa isang tao na hindi naman para sa’yo. Para mo na ring sinasayang ang chance na mahanap mo ‘yung taong para talaga sa’yo,” he said.
Furthermore, according to him, having a checklist for potential partners can feel attainable when we’re young and in the phase of enjoying the moments of exploring things. We are still in the process of growing and figuring out what we want.
“However, kapag nagkaka-edad na tayo, our priorities may shift, and we might become more flexible with our standards. While it’s sweet to dream of finding someone who checks all the boxes, the most fulfilling connections often come from unexpected places. Ultimately, it’s about finding happiness and a special bond, even if it means being a bit more relaxed about our lists as time goes on—“Hala, pwede na yan!” kind of situation,” he laughed.
Social Media in Setting Standards
With the advent of various social media platforms in our deposit to utilize, how do they support and influence our opinions about dating?
According to a study about ‘The Role of Social Media in Dating Trends Among Gen Z College Students’ authored by Meghan Isaf in 2020, many expressed that social media enables individuals to stay more connected, maintain communication, and engage with people they might never encounter otherwise.
In contrary, from Rheylan’s perspective, “Sa tingin ko when it comes from social media hindi sya masyadong recommended dahil mas okay pa rin talaga ‘yung nakakasama natin or nakaka-salamuha natin in person,” he disagreed. In the end of the day, we still seek for the company, the mere presence we enjoy.
Meanwhile, Kyla highlighted the influence of watching films and dramas online that significantly affects her views when it comes to dating. “Lalo na sa ngayon na parang hook na tayo sa mga K-drama and Kpop and international artists. Parang kapag nakakanood ka ng about romance na ang gentleman nung guy o full of love lang, parang dun ka nagkakaroon ng idea na mag-set ng standards when it comes to choosing partners,” she said.
Some say it doesn’t matter who we end up with. Either we put the work in fate or destiny. But is that enough?
Now that you have revealed your standards and the reasons behind them. One question in the checklist remains rooted in its place. “Why are you single?”
Play me classical music. Let’s dance under the moon, and permit its peacefulness to calm our bodies and souls weary of finding true love. While the vinyl delivers its melody, let’s rest our hearts seeking the one who will complete us. Maybe we are still too young to understand these standards, but we can be a little older to know what we want. To look for who we wanted to be with. To settle for the love that won’t take us for granted.
And for you, you can have your standards as high as you please, for the right person surely possesses all of those. But this last sentence is here to remind you that as you look, make sure to be realistic and see if you also fit into their checklist. Be ‘that person’ first. Be the standard.
