BEING in a long-distance relationship (LDR), is like sailing against enormous waves in a vast, deep, and dreadful ocean.
Whether you are prepared or not, the voyage must go on. They say, only the ones with the bravest hearts can surpass this obstacle. Where hearts are separated by distance accompanied by time, and hanging tight in the thread of love does not only seem remarkably challenging but also requires mastery to pull through.
Taming the inner demons during a long-distance relationship requires the courage to trust and forgive.
It reminds people to learn to embrace the personal and emotional separation, and endure communication full of barriers. To persevere along with late-night video calls and scheduled exchange of messages to at least suffice often moments of bereavement.
In fiction stories, childhood movies, and podcasts, lovers in long-distance relationships sound difficult and in consistent quarrels. But what about in real life? How challenging can it be for certain couples, especially for those who are just starting out and for those who began their relationships in this manner?
Real-life stories of a long-distance relationship.
There are various reasons behind this situation. For some people, it is due to work, education, choices, or that’s really how their love stories began.
Jorez Carcueva (22) and Maria Tesalonica Malicsi (22) shared with republicasia that they are in an almost one-year-and-four-month relationship, but in LDR for just three weeks.
“Actually, it’s the first time namin ang ganito since nag-start kami as a couple, or nung nanliligaw pa lang ako ay more on interaction kami,” they said.
The two have to be separated due to academics, Jorez is currently having his internship in Manila, while his girlfriend—Tessa was left in Marinduque where she also works as an intern.
Meanwhile, Donna Parino and Amelito Apostol Jr., both 25-years old, are in a five-year-and-10-month long-distance relationship. As they have been in this arrangement for a long time already, the two seem to be more experienced in this approach.
Likewise, John Eduard Prado, (22), with his almost five-year relationship shared that they have always been in an LDR arrangement. “LDR kami since first year of college until now.”
Handling and balancing the relationship.
In this kind of relationship, surely one of the goals is to be able to handle and assure both parties meet halfway. It is definitely a challenge, but love conquers all, right?
How do these couples find ways to achieve the balance they need?
“To be honest, challenging. Akala ko madali, although we both know kung bakit kami magka-separate. I think we handle and we balance through making time for one another. Nagbibigay kami ng efforts through video call, updates na hindi dapat nawawala kasi it means a lot. Pinakamadaling sabihin ay ‘yung making time for her,” Jorez explained on how they balance their relationship despite different working schedules.
“Understanding, deep understanding sa isa’t isa. Kailangan intindihin mo ang situation niya, lalo na at iba ‘yong working hour niya,” Tessa shared.
In the case of Donna and Amelito,“Since both naman kaming laging busy, nakasanayan na namin na kaunting update lang sa umaga then sa gabi, dun kami naglalaan ng oras para makapag-usap.”
“In terms of schedule naman, intidihan na lang din. Kailangan kasi talaga ng malawak na pang-unawa eh, lalo na kapag busy sa acads,” John Eduard advised.
The struggles and challenges.
From recognizing the efforts to give, it is the struggles and d
According to Jorez, adjusting to each other is the biggest challenge they face.
“Siguro dun sa hindi kami ganon ka-comfortable sa ganitong situation, ‘yong struggle namin ay hindi talaga naga-meet ang schedule namin. Ako pauwi pa lang, siya patulog na. Naghihintay siya, ako nasa byahe pa. Sobrang different ng situation namin before, ganun pa man, nasosolve namin siya sa paraan ng understanding,” he said.
John Eduard echoes the same sentiments. “As of now, since pareho kaming graduating students, medyo hassle talaga. Especially may thesis at internship kaya nawalan kami ng time na mag-meet up. Umabot ng taon ulit and until now hindi pa rin.”
Meanwhile, Donna described her main struggles when it comes to their relationship which is her constant “what ifs.”
Nowadays, this attitude is seen as a normal thing, mostly known for women in relationships, who are prone to overanalyze things.
“Ang naging struggle ko ay laging pag-ooverthink na baka may kapag may nakita siyang ibang babae ay magustuhan nya tapos iwan ako.”
According to an article published by Counseling Center Groups, individuals who tend to overthink in their relationships frequently face increased anxiety and tension. This anxiety can arise from scrutinizing their partner’s behavior, speech, and even moments of silence. Such worries can have a harmful effect on a relationship.
LDR lovers, what does it mean now?
For Jorez, he revealed the irony of their situation. “It is something that unites us. Something that gives us power to love more, to understand more, to make more time sa amin. Nagkaroon rin kami ng time to grow in separate ways,’yung opportunities namin, sa mga goals namin.”
Meanwhile, from Tessa’s perspective, trust plays a big part in their LDR. “I think mahirap siya mga taong mahilig mag-overthink. Pero dahil may tiwala naman kami sa isa’t isa, hindi siya ganun kahirap para sa amin. Kasi sapat na sa akin makausap ko siya kahit minuto lang sa isang araw.”
As per Donna, “Ito ‘yong pagmamahalan na tiwala at mahabang pang-unawa ang puhunan para maging matatag pa ang relasyon kahit magkalayo.”
Meanwhile, based on the experiences of John Eduard, long distance relationships are the real deal. “LDR lovers prove that love isn’t about being together all the time. There might sometimes na nanlalamig but that’s definitely normal.”
Is trust and love enough foundation to brave the dangers of it?
“Siguro hindi lang siya about love and trust, it is about faith. And let God be the center of your relationship. Oo may trust and love kami, pero ‘yung faith kasi talaga ang foundation. Assurance as well. May peace of mind kami. Dapat loyal lang. Dapat hindi natin inaturing na rare ang loyal couple, dapat nagsisimula ito sa atin.”
For Donna, it is enough for her. She explained, “Yes, enough na sa akin ‘yon. Na pareho namin mahal ang isa’t-isa at ‘yong tiwala namin ay nandiyan palagi.”
“Yeah. Trust is enough. Co’z if you cannot build a trust, then you’ll never survive that relationship. Additionally, dito talaga ‘yong sinasabing “take the risk” eh. Para kang nangangapa sa dilim, but then, if you really love someone, susuungin mo talaga ‘yung balakid. Actually staying is a choice, so I stayed.”
LDR in a nutshell
There is a great comparison between couples distanced for a short period of time and to those who are separated by years. New ones in this setup show excitement to their endeavours, praying to surpass the challenges stored for them. But both sides of the coin rely on modern platforms to continue the communication and survive the risk of their relationship.
Indeed, an enormous gamble in the name of love, huh?
LDR, is a box in a room that’s labeled, “Please handle with care. FRAGILE.” It is almost comparable to a nightmare you are desperate to wake up from; for fear isn’t going anywhere, insecurities are bottled up, and tears to shed, there seems no room for naivety. While mistakes are inevitable, they remain as nothing but an unwelcome guest.
Sometimes it takes one, single misunderstanding or mistake to ruin a relationship. That’s why it takes two to tango, it takes two driven hearts to fight for what’s theirs.
To the one who reads this, is long-distance in the modern era, bearable?
