THE taxicab theory raises intriguing questions, supporting the idea that a long term love is neither about compatibility or commitment, but rather about timing.
This theory got popular through the TV show Sex and the City, which shows that a shorter and newer relationship can replace the current long one once the timing is right. It resonates with many today, as it has been validated and proven not only in movies but also in the lives of public figures where most men broke up with their long-term partners and married a new person they just met within a few months.
Long-Term Relationships
Being in a long-term relationship is a different kind of commitment. It’s like having an entire cup to fill with intentional time and effort. The honeymoon stage often fades, and both partners no longer pretend to be perfect. This stage often reveals each other’s flaws that makes the relationship prone to challenges that could lead to a break-up. Although being in a long-term relationship gives you a sense of stability, it does not guarantee that the relationship will remain strong over time. However, some people believe it will work if you keep trying to hold on.
Katherine (22), who is currently in a six-year relationship, truly believes efforts can make a relationship last. She shared that she never let a single problem with her boyfriend remain unresolved, “I realized that when both people are willing to make the relationship work, that’s when it lasts longer,” she added.
Similarly, Jhenny (23), who is in a four-year relationship, believes that commitment can eventually make everything right.
“Love works when both parties intend to be together in a long-term. I mean, kahit anong ingat n’yo sa relationship niyo na ‘wag masira, life will still find a way to test your relationship. But with the decision to work through challenges, tatagal talaga ‘yung relationship. You have to always choose each other lang talaga,” she explained.
But what if love has nothing to do with effort and commitment?
What if love is all about timing?
Ralph (21), argues that he does not consider this as a theory, as for him, this is the reality of the dating scene nowadays.
“Very fast paced and napakadali magpalipat-lipat ng relationship dahil nga go with the flow lang ang karamihan at ‘pag may nakitang ‘di maganda sa partner nila, bounce na agad,” he explained.
This perception can discourage individuals from engaging in serious relationships – assuming that their efforts may be in vain, and they might end up in the same situation.
The Challenge of Baggage
For many, the concept of knowing someone for years means living with their entirety as a person, including both their strengths and their unhealed traumas. Over time, either partner will likely either heal traumas or develop new ones because of the relationship struggles. Although attempting to correct toxic behaviors is admirable, there will be relapses at some point, which will only create a cycle of pain for both partners.
Trixie (22) who had been in a two-year relationship affirms that too much baggage in a long-term relationship can possibly make it harder for either partner to grow.
“I had so many mistakes back then, there would be times when I was consistent on being better. Then of course there would be relapses, tapos my former partner would end up being too critical about it since of course another cycle of mistakes na naman,” she explained.
Trixie emphasized that sometimes when your partner knows you for too long, they may struggle to see the person you are now, often holding on to past mistakes and habits you intend to outgrow.
The Cycle of Criticism
In long-term relationships, it becomes easier to be critical of each other, as partners may feel like they know each other “like the back of their hand.” However, this can lead to overly critical interactions. Realistically, meeting a new person from scratch can be hard, but so is the challenge of becoming a completely new person to be the right one for someone who has known you for years. This is because familiarity can breed criticism where sometimes, it is manageable to correct past mistakes, but at other times, improving and separating your old self from the new one can be a challenge.
“Maybe that’s when they prefer to date or settle down with a new one after a long-term relationship, for a fresh start, for a new chance,” Trixie concluded, believing that most of the time, people spend a long-time dating the wrong person to prepare themselves for the right one. “The theory could be true, the moment you have successfully improved yourself, dadating yung right one, kasi ready ka na and ‘yung panahon, tama na,” she added.
Although the taxi cab theory offers a lens on how to view relationships, it is crucial to remember that it is just one perspective. Ralph cautions against generalizing the experiences directed at men based on this theory, suggesting that experiences vary from time to time.
“…For me gine-generalize niya lahat ng boys like me na sobrang bait at matino,” he defended.
Essentially, the question of whether love is about timing or commitment invites a deeper observation of relationships. While the taxicab theory highlights the importance of timing and it may resonate with many, it is merely one aspect of the broader complexity of love and relationships. It is still essential to recognize that commitment plays an equally huge role.
It could be timing that sets the relationship, but it is commitment that sustains it. Thus, love is not solely defined by one factor but the balance of timing and commitment.
