BECOMING a mother at a young age often puts Gen Z in a new world of responsibilities with their lives at pause to accommodate the needs of their newborns. While some may find this challenging, many young moms find ways to adapt and thrive – exploring their new roles while nurturing their own identities.
Figuring Out Motherhood
Remelyn Resurreccion, 22, who had her first daughter at 18, is one of the many young moms who managed to stay stronger than the unfamiliar struggles she has faced. Remelyn confidently shared that being a first time mom did hinder her to pursue her passions. “Being a mom hasn’t stopped me from enjoying the things I loved doing before I had my daughter…I’m still able to pursue some of my passions,” she emphasized, highlighting her determination to maintain her sense of self.
However, having new things to explore in her youth did not stop her from being a hands-on mom either.
“I always make sure to carve out time to spend quality moments with her by showing her my support and love,” Remelyn shared. While she acknowledges that her life has become more limited, her attitude towards the situation showed the importance of adaptation.
“Mahirap pero mas lamang ang oras ko para sa anak ko. Syempre that time pandemic, need namin magpasa ng module. Ang inagawa ko is inagawa ko na lahat ng gawain ko ng pang isang linggo para yung oras ko mailalaan ko na sa anak ko,” she shared.
Remelyn also mentioned that she goes out and shops less for herself. This shows that mothers like her shift their priorities to their children as much as possible. “When it comes to my wants and gala nabawasan na siya unlike before. ‘Yung pag online shopping ko hindi na para sa sarili ko kundi para na sa anak ko,” Remelyn said.
Similarly, Beverly Calinsag, 24, who gave birth to her first ever son in her 20s, faced motherhood with a unique perspective.
“Actually I’m not the happy-go-lucky type of person po. So, most of the time taong bahay lang ako. So nung nagka-baby ako hindi ako nahirapan mag-adjust,” she explained.
Beverly described her relationship with her child as one where their age difference feels minimal almost as if they are siblings.
“Ngayong 3 years old na ‘yung baby ko, parang magkapatid na lang kami and after OJT ‘pag nakauwi na ako, sasalubungin niya lang ako ng salitang “Sa’n bubong ko? (“Saan pasalubong ko?”),” she shared.
This playful bond shows one of the best rewards a young mom gets despite the serious challenges and responsibilities of being a mother. However, she emphasized that she ensures her child knows the boundaries which she does on her own parenting style.
Breaking the Cycle of Traditional Parenting Style
Beverly clarified that breaking free from the traditional parenting style does not mean she is against her parents’ ways of raising her, “I am not who I am today if it’s not because of their patakaran sa ’min, lalo na puro girls kami so understandable ‘yung being strict nila,” she explained.
Although Beverly considers the reason for her parents’ strictness understandable, she is determined to start a new environment for her son.
“Ayoko na maka-feel siya ng fear everytime he sees me and ayoko maging reason ‘yung being strict ko para hindi niya magawa ‘yung mga gusto niyang gawin sa buhay, like makipag-socialize sa iba,” she added, showing her sincerity in wanting her son to grow open and friendly.
Similarly, Remelyn, who claimed to be given parenting techniques by her parents, still decided to go with her own method of raising her child. Remelyn also mentioned that she does not want her daughter to experience all the bad things she went through.
“If there’s one thing I don’t want my daughter to go through, it’s the feeling that she feels alone and having a chaotic, broken family. The reason why my partner and I work hard to provide for our daughter’s need, working really hard to make it possible,” Remelyn said. This desire stems from her understanding of the emotional neglect she faced during her childhood.
Beverly also reflected when she went through the common struggle of children who have multiple siblings that parents have a hard time giving equal attention to.
“Way back in my childhood kasi, I can feel that the attention na binigay ng aking parents is not enough. Maybe because we are nine siblings and not most of the time they focus in each of us. So, hindi ako nakakapag-open up ng feelings ko about school, love life, like “Ma, Pa, wala pa po akong gan’tong project,” ganyan. ‘Yung natatapos na lang ‘yung day ng walang kamusta ganyan,” she shared. This realization pushes her more to be a present and attentive mother.
Gentle Parenting
“So ngayon na may anak ako, I want him to feel na I am always here to listen to him whatever his problems are. So ‘pag umiiyak sya tinatanong ko agad na “Why?” What are the reasons kung bakit siya umiiyak, bakit siya masaya,” she added.
Beverly and Remelyn’s experiences in their childhood greatly influenced how they raise their own children. Both mothers emphasized the importance of the balance of gentle parenting and strict discipline.
“Like, gentle parenting, but disciplining her when she’s done something inappropriate, though she’s only 3 years old. I always taught her not to do bad things, for example maging madamot and maging palaaway,” Remelyn explained.
Beverly also prefers the gentle approach saying, “Ngayon na may anak ako, I want him to feel na I am always here to listen to him whatever his problems are. So ‘pag umiiyak sya tinatanong ko agad na “Why?” what are the reasons kung bakit siya umiiyak, bakit siya masaya…”
The experiences of Remelyn and Beverly shows how parenting styles can influence childhood. Experiencing the traditional parenting styles and consciously breaking free from its cycle, these Gen Z moms adopting a more gentle parenting style does not only provide a better childhood for their children but also heals their own inner child.
Some may view the gentle parenting as a weak approach compared to the traditional ones, each generation deserves a chance to explore what will be the most beneficial to the next. It is important to recognize that these thoughtful considerations are based on their own experiences in harsher parenting styles of prior generations which often left them emotionally wounded.
For Gen Zs like Remelyn and Beverly, the desire to make their children feel seen, heard, and valued paves the way for healthier and more compassionate relationships which is likely to be passed down to their children’s children – giving a chance to a more empathetic society in the future.
