RECEIVING presents on Valentines, resting your head on someone’s shoulder when watching a movie, going on romantic dates when celebrating anniversaries— these are only the exclusive privileges of being in love. But what about those who have never or yet to experience this kind romance? Either a divine purpose, out of luck, or a personal choice, some are in a position where love appears evasive.
NBSB: Who are They?
No Boyfriend Since Birth— hence the acronym. It is a popular slang used to brand women who have never been in a romantic relationship throughout their lives. It emphasises the lack of experience associated with romantic relationships depicting a naive romantic persona among women. Sometimes people throw this term to mock or tease women under this criteria. As if achieving a relationship status is a trophy of greatness.
Never been touched intimately and never been loved officially— how does an NBSB feel against the social expectations and conditions of a romantic society?
Status NBSB
Kyla Mae Nacawili, 21, shared how her personal standards in love makes it difficult for her to reach a certain status. “Siguro ano… Uhm dahil may standard akong hinahanap. And lahat ng gusto ko ayaw sakin tapos yung may gusto sa’kin ayaw ko naman sa kanila.” She laughed at the seemingly playful fate in her romantic life.
But on the other side, being an NBSB is a privilege of independence and to appreciate herself clearly. “Nagagawa mo lahat ng gusto mo. Walang tumututol kumbaga. And mas napa priority mo yung sarili mo. Self love lang ganun,” she said.
More than the lack of commitment, the status gave her the opportunity to explore her capabilities as a woman. “[Being] NBSB can help you to be whatever you want as a woman,” she added.
But it wasn’t always the case, when asked if she feels lonely being an NBSB, she replied, “Oo. Kasi parang may hinahanap kang kulang sayo.”
The feeling of incompleteness to a boyfriend occurs sometimes in her curiosity. But she has mixed feelings when confronted with a romance currently missing in her life “Minsan oo. Minsan hindi,” she said, implying bitterness when witnessing couples. “Kasi napapaisip ka kung kelan ka magkakajowa ng ganun sa iba. Tapos minsan ‘di naman ako naiinggit, naiirita lang,” she chuckled.
For a woman, she has faith in the idea of patience and divine timing. That there is a specific time in the future where romance will fit perfectly in her palms. “Wala namang pressure dahil iniisip ko na lang na baka hindi pa lang ngayon ang tamang panahon para magka jowa. Darating din naman yun. And kapag mas lalo mong hinahanap hindi darating kaya hintay lang,” she noted.
For alias Bea, 21, it was simple as not being emotionally conditioned to the prospect of a romantic relationship. “Di ko pa feel,” she uttered.
She currently enjoys the freedom of being single and the satisfaction from things she owns. “Being NBSB makes me more independent on my own, specifically in my own feelings. Hindi ko dinedepende yung kasiyahan ko sa iba. ‘Di ako nag seseek ng validation sa iba.”
In addition to that, she herself is admittedly unfit to the strict demands of being in a relationship. She understands that having a boyfriend is a responsibility and commitment to fulfil. She refused to be stripped away of her longtime independence.
“Walang nagbabawal na iba maliban kina mama. ‘Di katulad nung ibang mga in relationship ngayon konting ligaw, sila na agad. Tapos magbibuild na sila ng mga rules na ang bababaw. Kailangan alam nung isa yung galaw mo, pagbabawalan ka sa mga bagay na gusto mo ganon. Parang di ka free to make your own decision,” she noted.
Loneliness came amiss to her status when her happiness and contentment is directed to other scenes like friends and families. “Kasi being single is not sad for me. I’m surrounded by cheerful people na hindi ginawang boring yung life ko— my friends and my family.”
But she is not excused from the subtle pressure of her peers. “Kase hindi ko nga magets kapag sinasabi nung iba sa ibang tao na, ‘Hoy ikaw, bat wala ka pang jowa.’ ‘Ikaw na lang single sa inyo.’”
But along with these remarks is her firm stance on the matter. “Like? Ano bang mawawala sa tao na ‘yan kapag wala syang jowa. Mamamatay ba sya sa katapusan ng buwan kapag wala pa syang jowa? Hindi!” she asserted.
Her fears of love from witnessing failed relationships and its toll was then revealed as one of her reasons to avoid the scene. She looks at love as a wheel of heartbreak.
“Tsaka pati mostly sa mga kakilala ko puro lungkot ang natatamo sa relationship nila. Masaya sa una tapos biglang lungkot at regrets. Tapos panibagong relationship para maging masaya uli. Tapos ganon na naman. Yung ganong cycle na mostly napapansin ko sa mga in relationship ngayon is very pathetic. Kasi parang yung kasiyahan nila is laging naka depende sa ibang tao. Na at the end sasaktan din naman sila. Parang hindi nila kayang maging masaya na within themselves lang ganon,” she said.
Another NBSB, alias Che-che, 22, she herself is confused as to why dating in the appropriate age neither appeals to her sense and priority. “Pwede bang sabihing wala lang or ayoko lang? Hindi ko kasi mahanap yung tamang dahilan. Hindi sa walang nagkakagusto or takot ako sa commitment but it feels like hindi ko lang sya priority,” she said.
Being an NBSB has its own perks that she experiences primarily in the way she dresses and decides for herself which does not require the approval of a partner. “For me is ang daming advantages ng pagiging NBSB. Isa na dun yung freedom kasi malaya kang gawin kung anong gusto mo nang walang nagbabawal or pumipigil. Hindi na kailangan magpaalam sa bawat lakad, sa klase ng susuotin, at hindi na din need mag update sa bawat galaw kasi your free.”
Aside from that, the status finds her strength as a woman to accomplish things on her own. “Nakakatulong sya by doing whatever I want. Nagiging independent ako na hindi ko kailangan ng ‘someone’ to rely on. Kasi nga gusto ko mag focus sa sarili ko,” she highlighted.
However, a trace of loneliness comes to her occasionally especially when ideal romance across social media reminds her of something she is missing. “For me is minsan lang sya nakakalungkot kasi nandyan naman yung mga friends and family ko na pwede ko kausapin at maka bonding anytime… Nakakaramdam [ako ng inggit] kaso minsan nga lang especially kapag may napapanood akong clip sa Facebook and Tiktok ng sweet moment and gentleman yung lalaki. Mapapasabi ka na lang talaga ng ‘Sana all’.”
Luckily, she has friends, especially her family to make up for what she is lacking. She feels welcome to her status as an NBSB but there is a tiny warning and misconception for people who grew old without partners. “When it comes to my family, hindi naman nila ako pini-pressure na magkaroon ng boyfriend. Hinahayaan nila ako mag decide kung kelan ko gusto. Pero ayaw naman nila na maging matandang dalaga ako kasi mahirap daw yun kapag tumanda na,” she added.
Is the Term NBSB Degrading to Women?
Living for more than two decades without a single relationship— there will always be whispers of how unlucky or picky or difficult they are.
For Kyla, being in a relationship does not define her quality of life. “Wala namang mali kung NBSB ka eh. ‘Di ko rin naman ikamamatay kung wala akong jowa.” She laughed
“Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko pa yun kailangan ngayon,” Bea said. “Masyado pa akong focus sa sarili ko, kung paano ako mag-g-grow. Parang ngayon, sagabal pa sa’kin maging in relationship, kaya di ako naoofend.”
“Kasi totoo naman na NBSB talaga ako at hindi ko kinakahiya yun or ikinaoofend yun,” Che-che assured.
In modern society, women are not defined by the statuses they have. Calling a woman NBSB brands them with an identity that portrays women without romantic experience or knowledge which somehow carries a negative overtone.
However, for these women, they embraced NBSB as a personal identity, living up to their decisions and expectations in romance. The contentment they have within themselves has transformed the term less degrading but a realistic stamp to their statuses. They look from a perspective where romance is not seen neither as a race nor an achievement but a carefully planned and timed decision. The term itself although attached with ill-intent diminishes of value when self-acceptance and confidence becomes a central role.
NBSB: Lonely or Empowering?
Innately, humans long for the love and connection from another. This exists in some parts of the narrative above where there is a noticeable bitterness from witnessing ideal relationships either from their peers or in social media where romance is an undying trend. Having someone to treat you the way you imagined love is a yearn of many women’s hearts. But it can put a question to their self-esteem and worth as a woman when the standard is left unattained.
Being NBSB may sound like a traditionalized concept of the old ways where women were reserved for the appropriate time before engaging in romantic affairs, however, on the other front, it is empowering.
Having oneself solely to focus on empowers them in a way that it overshadows what they are missing and highlights their individual strengths as women. It heightens their confidence in their own qualities where they can achieve everything they put their passion into. Rather than focusing on the missing romance in their lives, they found genuine happiness in people like friends and family and things that are within their grasp.
It is empowering in a sense that women refused to be caged in the demands and responsibilities of being in a relationship. This does not demonstrate a woman-hating-men situation but highlights their desire for individuality and freedom to follow their own rules without appealing to validation.
Being an NBSB for these women is contentment and self-awareness. It sees relationships not as a necessity, not something to pursue but something to earn and trust in process. The status gave them the opportunity to explore and learn more about themselves before a careless attempt at a relationship. Age based from the women above does not define the emotional readiness and maturity to handle a relationship but it helps them understand its complexity and difficulty.
In a society that is yet to shed its misogynistic ideals entirely, the NBSBs are a testament that women could stand independently without needing the validation of a partner to shine or function.
