PEOPLE say that in order to fully heal a broken heart, one must allow himself/herself to grieve and acknowledge their own emotions. It might be scientifically wrong to say healing a wound means reopening it again, but understanding the root cause of pain may help in its effective treatment.
We need to open the wounds from the past, know where the pain is coming from, and accept it to fully heal ourselves.
Closure is a phase after a relationship has ended where ex couples reach out to one another to talk about the problems they faced and how things turned out to be in their past relationship. The question that’s been popping in someone’s head could be answered only through this phase. Closure could either clear the misunderstanding in their relationship or make things more complicated.
Conversely, ghosting is disappearing or abruptly cutting any type of communication with someone. When things get so complicated in a relationship, someone in that relationship thinks that he/she could not take it anymore which resulted in ghosting. It has become another choice for people who don’t want to deal with emotional distress caused by the relationship.
Do Gen Zs prefer to have a closure or ghost an ex completely?
Closure
Lei Marciano, 21, prefers to have closure with his ex even if they ended on bad terms. “It would be difficult to function if I completely ignore someone whom I’ve loved, especially for a very long time. It brings harmony and peace to both yourself and the person that you had a relationship with. Without closure, our minds remain in an unfinished, and unending story. Just like a book missing the final chapter,” he said.
For Mark, 24, it’s more reasonable and fair to have closure. “Para may formal na breakup at maiwasan din ang mga conflict kapag nagkaroon na ng new relationship ang both parties. Magulo kasi ‘yon kapag walang formal na closure,” he explained.
Likewise, Mykel, 22 said that it is better to have a closure. “For peace of mind n’yo rin dalawa. Baka may umaasa pa e. Kasi kapag may closure or mag-agree sila na hanggang dun na lang, yun na lang talaga yung last nila [na pag-uusap]. End of story,” he added.
Myra, 22, who experienced being ghosted, said that she prefers to have closure. “Kase kapag walang closure, parang habang buhay ko dadalhin yung thought na parang hindi natapos ng maayos yung relationship naming mag-ex. Sobrang hirap talaga maka move on, hindi mo maintindihan kung bakit nag-end yung relationship n’yo ng ganun-ganun na lang. Kaya ako, mas okay talaga na may closure. Kasi kapag may mutual understanding, mas madali talaga maka-move on,” she shared.
But does closure really end a relationship?
Closure doesn’t always officially end a relationship. In some cases, it could be another chance for ex couples to get back together. Sometimes, lack of communication is the main cause of the breakup of two people in a relationship. A closure could help in making everything clear for both parties.
An open question in Quora was posted, asking if anyone settled things or got closure with their ex only to get back with them. This post has garnered 23 replies, most of them are saying yes. Some users even pointed out that breaking up and getting back together is not considered uncommon. Others proudly said that they are already married after many times of breakup.
A user said that he thought it would help him to move on. “But then we had a nice talk, shared a moment together, and I realized, ‘why haven’t I done this before?’. Long story short, I’ve caught a feeling, again. And unfortunately, she felt the same way,” he wrote.
What people should know about closure
Closure isn’t always about seeking or reaching out for the other person. It is not about getting answers to your why’s. Closure doesn’t always need to involve another person. It is possible to have a closure alone.
Just like a user wrote, “Closure is something we all think we gain from talking to this person who rejected us or hurt us. That’s not true. Closure is what you get when you finally can find peace and let it all go. It’s not something you’ll find with the person who hurt you, it’s something you find as you move away from that person and rebuild your self-esteem with people who aren’t hurting you,” he answered.
As a 22-year old Leo said, she needs closure from herself, not from her partner. “I will always want to know why the separation had to happen. Base sa experience ko, pagka fresh pa yung pain, gugustuhin kong malaman yung mga sagot sa mga “whys” ko. Para kasing nakakabaliw sa una pagka ‘di mo alam yung mga sagot sa questions lalo na times na ‘yon. Pakiramdam ko connected pa sa self-worth ko. But at the same time, kahit ano pang isagot nila, hinding-hindi pa rin nasa-satisfy yung mga questions ko. ‘Cause deep down I know na need ko lang intindihin na hindi connected sa worth ko yung kung ano man ang ginawa nila, those will never define my worth or me as a person,” she said.
No matter what the ex partner says, there is still a part where you won’t believe anything that they would say or you simply can’t accept the facts that they are sharing to you. It is also possible that you are still in denial of the reality he/she is trying to tell you.
Ghosting
Ian Mangol, 24, said that he would take a pass from having a closure. Like what was mentioned earlier, closure doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be ending a relationship. Other people stayed in touch after the closure and agreed to be friends with one another.
“Respeto na lang sa mafe-feel ng [naging] partner mo sa current relationship. Kasi kung ako lang and sakin mangyare yung gano’n. Yung close pa rin yung partner ko sa mga ex niya, ‘di ako gakaroon ng peace of mind. Hindi ko gagawin yung ayaw kong gawin sa akin,” he said.
For 22 year-old Matt who has been through a bad break up, said that it depends. Lance also prefers to have a closure but the reality doesn’t go the way he wanted.
“Ang nangyari kasi sa akin nung naligawan ko pa lang [yung babae] ay medyo red flag na, kaso syempre pag gusto mo yung tao minsan bulag bulagan na lang. Nung naging kami ay lalong nahirapan ako kase nakakasakal siya. Nagaselos sa kaklase ko, bawal pa [ako] makitropa kahit sa kaklase din. Ang nangyari ay naging toxic din ako. Ending ay hindi na ako nakipag-ayos. I can’t deal with emotional distress, na-ghost ko siya,” he narrated.
Ghosting happens in some specific situations like what Lance experienced. When the relationship gets toxic, the first action done is distancing themselves from their partner. Even if he wanted to have a closure, it’s hard to follow your own preference when you are already in the situation.
Mark thinks that ghosting can only happen to those who are still at the starting stage of a relationship but he said that any relationship ended should have a closure. “Parehas naman nagmahal kahit maikli o mahabang panahon man ‘yon. Yung ghosting kasi ay parang nakakaloko like pwede ka naman magsalita kung ayawan na,” he stated.
Indeed, when you are the one receiving the action, ghosting might be unfair for you. When other people leave you without saying a word, you will think of the things you previously did. You will think whether you did something wrong so you could change. There will be endless questioning yourself.
The possibility of coming back
Whether ghosting or seeking for a closure, the possibility of coming back may be based on the willingness of both parties.
If the closure turns out to be successful that clears the misunderstanding of both parties, there’s a possibility that the couple might come back together. In terms of closure, there is still the willingness to know and understand the reason behind the pain.
But then again, closure is not only about reaching out to the other person for answers. If the person chooses closure that works alone- accepting the loss, unbothered about unanswered questions in their heads, allowing themselves to feel sad, angry, and cry, and think that it is not their fault. If this is the case, coming back could be impossible.
Ghosting was done with the intention of leaving someone. Coming back is possible but it doesn’t happen often. People come back after ghosting, not because they are already okay or settled from the past problem you both had. It could be that he/she just wants someone to talk to. Ghosting for the second time could still happen and you will be the only one who will suffer.
However, if you are the one who ghosted the other person, the come back is up to you. It is not good to leave someone without explanation and come back to them like nothing happened. Think about whether you are already sure with someone before coming back to them because if not, you will be repeating the same cycle of come and go. This might confuse the other person and hurt him/her.
Gen Zs want to have closure rather than ghost the other person. They also want to have a peace of mind after all. Ghosting only happens in a specific situation where the person is affected by the actions of the other half and they can’t deal with the emotional distress.
Closure is not only about reaching out to the other person, seeking closure within self is also possible. Any answer from the other person could not satisfy your doubts. If you really want to heal your broken heart and move on, it starts with you accepting the things as they are.
Would you reach out to someone who ghosted you for a closure? Try reaching out. If they didn’t respond, that would be enough to answer your question. Ghosting and not responding is done intentionally, no explanation needed. But if they would explain, let them. You don’t need to reach out many times and beg for it.
