ONCE proclaimed husband and wife, a man and woman start to build their castle of dreams hoping they would spend their mortal time there together.
But life has its own volition. If a planned future ceases to exist the moment the husband faces an untimely departure from life, what happens to the other who is left behind the promise of forever? The wife carries the responsibilities alone, more than that, losing a husband strips the family of its completeness and demolishes a home of its firm foundation.
Hearts Losing Their Other Halves
There is a great pain in losing someone dearest to you.
Marites Roldan, 58, was widowed for eight years now after her husband passed away due to a chronic disease.
“Malambing, mabait, maunawain, at mapagmahal na asawa,” her description of her late husband lingering still on her fondest memories.
Accepting that a person she once shared bittersweet moments of life is now a lifeless vessel comes as difficult as losing him. “Kalungkutan, sakit at pighati. Hindi [ko] matanggap na wala na siya,” she uttered bitterly.
Her life swiveled into a voided path. The same man who promised her a happy life became the same reason she lost the spark to continue. “Nawalan [ako] ng gana sa buhay. Hinahanap ko pa rin sa araw-araw ang presensya niya,” she said.
Although time had already passed since his death, the future she was supposed to share with his husband still appeals to her imagination. “May araw na napapanaginipan ko siya na magkasama pa rin kami,” she added.
Moving on from the experience of losing a husband appears like an impossible journey. However, being a believer, she held onto her faith to strengthen her wavering spirit. “Pinatatag [ako] ng pananampalataya ko sa Panginoon.”
Rather than regretting the experience for how devastating it was, she chose to look at it from a positive perspective— something to remind that love neither surrenders nor ceases but persists even from a fight against life and death. “To love unconditionally for better or for worse, in sickness and in good health. To be patient and understanding in love,” she reminded.
Photo Courtesy: Shiela Tabat
While for Shiela Tabat, 41, a liver disease took away her partner of almost three years.
Their romance was a comfort after failed relationships. “Masaya, maayos, tahimik,” she described as she reminisced about their relationship.
“Syempre malungkot at nanghihinayang,” she said. It was almost the perfect story that was unfortunately cut short. Being the provider of the family, his death caused a massive loss in her heart and life. “Malaking kawalan dahil siya ang naghahanap buhay para sa pamilya,” she added.
But for her, the most disheartening reality of his death was knowing that he neither had the long opportunity to witness his young daughter grow into a woman nor would she remember her father. “Oo naman siyempre,” she said, implying that not a day that he does not cross her mind. “Lalo na pag nakikita ko yung anak namin. Iniisip ko na na hindi man lang niya nakasama nang matagal,” she imagined.
But Shiela, burdened with the pain of losing her significant other, was forced to accept the reality and move forward to work for the family that remains after the foundation collapsed. She works as an Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) to support her children.
The hopeful thought that he will always be watching her and their children from the afterlife somehow eases her mind from the pain. “Iniisip ko na lang ang kapakanan ng mga anak ko dahil alam kong magiging masaya siya lalo na sa anak niya.”
From this darkest heartbreak shines a lesson from their love story. She learned to become vulnerable, opening her heart to trust and be trusted by the right person. “Ang magkaroon ng tiwala sa isa’t isa at matutong magsabi ng kung ano ang problemang meron ka,” she recounted.
Next Chapter: The Widow’s Purpose
For widows like Marites and Shiela, it has become clear that the responsibilities to the family were for them to continue and endure alone. It was not just them that lost their partners but their children that lost their fathers. The shift in their lives and priorities were redirected to their children’s welfare.
“Sinisikap na maging magulang sa aking mga anak. Patuloy na ginagabayan ang aking mga anak. Sila ang aking kalusugan at ang aking prayoridad sa ngayon,” Marites said.
As for Shiela, “Ang kumayod para sa mga anak. Syempre priorities ko mga anak ko ngayon, ang makapagtapos sila ng pag-aaral.”
The Strength Of A Widow
While losing a loved one comes at an unimaginable pain, it is also important to remember that life continues no matter the circumstances. It is cruel yet the face of reality. That’s how these women lived after bearing the loss of their partners.
They cried, mourned, and regretted some things. But at the end of the day, they understand the obligations they have to fulfil to their children. Like for Shiela who’s daughter barely had the consciousness to grasp death as a concept, it becomes a challenging task to make her understand why her father suddenly is missing in her life.
Raising their children alone without a father figure also carries its own issues. But they made sure that they guide their children at every step from their own motherly way. The love of a mother, although could not replace that of the presence of a father, can somehow relieve them of the loss— that there is still a parent to support and love them unconditionally.
Their cases highlight the strength of will and resilience. Rather than letting themselves drown in devastation and focus only on their pain, they used these as their motivations to continue. Losing the primary provider of the family whom they depended on, they stepped up for the job and worked tirelessly.
The pain of losing a husband or partner does not stop; it lingers until the one that is left behind slowly gets used to the feeling. But against recurring loneliness and questions, they focused on the reasons to keep fighting in life— to give their children a chance at a comfortable life and to find happiness within themselves even as a widow.
