(part 2 of 2)
“Bawal ma-fall ah, sex lang.”
Sheena agreed to these no-commitment terms when his longtime friend asked him to be his f**k buddy of fubu.
To keep emotions and feelings at bay, they had set some rules.
Both agreed to keep their relationship a secret. But they aren’t the typical fubus who don’t exist on each other’s worlds. In fact they do. They know each other’s families, they have very close mutual friends and are friends on all social media platforms.
Unfortunately, for Sheena, she fell in love with her fubu.
So are rules really effective in blocking off feelings?
“Walang assurance. Syempre you’re just a human being, you’re not perfect,” clinical psychologist Riyan Portuguez told republicasia.
“Kaya nga yung iba, nag-sex kayo tapos bigla ka napa-I love you, sunod non, next na, di na kami mag-meet. I ghost ko na siya, yun na yung next, eh nag-i love you sa sakin during sex, eh malinaw sa rules natin wag ka ma-fall, eh nadulas kang ganon so,” she said.
Can lust turn into love?
Could it really be possible to create love out of physical intimacy?
“May possibility pero rare ‘yun, especially kung sinet na talaga nung person yung rule niya eh, mahirap ichange yun kapag siya mismo sa sarili niya sinet niya yun, this one is for fubu lang,” Portuguez said.
She explained that if fubu trysts are very clear with their boundaries, chances are their minds are hardwired with just the idea of sex and nothing more. However, if genuine connection develops, yes, love could follow.
What to do?
So did you just fall in love with your fubu?
It’s gonna be a long journey to untangle your feelings, especially if the relationship has lasted long. If love is unrequited, Portuguez suggested for the relationship to end.
If you are like Sheena, start the healing journey by assessing your situation. Who am I? Why am I in this relationship? Why should I leave this relationship? There is no other way to heal from things that broke you, but to start from within.
Here are a few psychologist-approved things you can do to get yourself out of your shaky situation.
- Increase emotional and social support.
Create genuine connections but spend more time with yourself first. You have to be comfortable being alone. You have to find solace in solitude.
- Be reflective about the kind of relationship you desire.
Ask yourself what kind of relationship you like to have. Picture a happy, committed, loving , loyal and passionate relationship in your head and stick to it. Anything less is unacceptable.
Identify what you value and create standards as to the type of partner you want to have.
- Be patient in finding the right person.
Do not feel pressured to have a partner. Before you find your ideal mate, be your ideal self first.
- Find genuine connection with non-romantic relationships.
Basically if your point is to feel a sense of association, it can also be found outside of a f**k buddy, especially with family and friends.
Always remember that whatever is being pushed out is attracted back. If you are showing value through having standards and boundaries, you will attract the right people.
This way, anyone who doesn’t align with your ideals will soon fade.
And sometimes, having standards might actually influence fubu partners to raise their games and get serious..
