YOUR high school love story is one of the most memorable romances you could ever experience. 

It’s the kind of love that sets the pace of your next romance, the starting line of many more love stories that you’ll experience. It might even be your deciding factor on standards to set when you actually start looking for a serious relationship. 

But what’s more memorable and gut-wrenching than romantic love (and breakups) in high school, is friendship break-ups. High school friendship is the kind of friendship you will never recover from — it will seep into your being and become something that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

The trend on TikTok of how several girls were ‘girls together’ is a clear indication of how a friendship molds you. 

You get to have this person who you get to grow up with and experience things with. It’s a magical occurrence where you meet that person who fits oh-so-perfectly with you.

Having to let them go? It’s the most painful encounter you could ever have. 

Elijah Espiritu, a 23-year-old language and literature student, has encountered a friendship break-up because of both his and his friend’s bad mental health. Due to their messy mental headspace, they weren’t good friends to each other anymore. 

“Our behavior was slowly devolving, and I wasn’t self-aware enough to realize that I was already toxic,” he said.

In everyone’s life, there are times wherein turning toxic is the only option someone may have. To be able to self-destruct and self-sabotage, everyone around them will be pulled into this toxic behavior. And that can happen a lot in high school.

Sometimes, when you transition to having to build up your identity in a place where everyone is just as confused as you, you tend to have a lot of self-doubts, pushing the people around you out of your life. 

Or sometimes, you pull them down with you because you just can’t let them go. 

There are also instances wherein there are factors that might go between you and your friend. 

Raf Santiago, a 22-year-old graduate in finance, has experienced a friendship breakup because he drifted away from his friend group due to having a girlfriend who took up most of his time. 

He said: “She liked to spend a lot of time with me, which was okay, but we should have been mature enough to know that it was important to spend time with friends too. I could feel myself drifting apart from my friends, but I just let it sort of happen. To this day, we remain somewhat friends, but it was never like the old times.” 

Friendship, like any other relationship, requires, some factors that make it work, such as understanding each other, spending time with each other, being honest, patient, and compassionate—all these are needed in a platonic relationship too. 

But then again, when priorities clash and there are instances where someone might lose control of what to do first or what to ‘choose’, then it gets harder to keep the relationship alive. 

Personally, I’ve experienced this kind of friendship break-up. 

It was a long sob story, but to make it short, they just didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. And growing apart is something that happens so often that I’ve come to accept it.

But the thing is, at that time, I didn’t have a reason. All of a sudden, they just didn’t want me anymore. 

I think what pained me the most was the fact that I deserved a reason: if it was a bad thing about me, if I was overbearing, anything at all.

I needed it. I deserved it. Because that’s how I would know they cared. Cared enough to want me to be a better person. 

Either way, it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced — it changed me from an extrovert into an introvert with social anxiety and attachment issues. It felt like the world wouldn’t like me anymore; the thought of people leaving me all the time plagued my entire being. 

Elijah and Raf share the same sentiments as well. 

“It’s a mix of emotions: anger, regret, sadness, frustration, and more all melting in the pot,” he said. 

I’ve always understood that people come and go, but it hurts, nonetheless. Friendship break-ups are incredibly painful.” 

He realized people come and go, but everyone has the responsibility to make an effort if you want people to stay in your lives. 

More than this, he realized not to take friendships for granted. 

For those currently going through a friendship breakup, he said: “If that friend was a really good friend and the breakup was over a silly fight, then it would be best to try and fix it. But sometimes, some friendships must be let go. You’ll know deep inside whether a friendship can still be salvaged or not.”

And if you do believe that the friendship should indeed go through a breakup, Elijah advises you to mourn, as well as to take your time to grieve. 

“Understand that it will take time to heal but look forward anyway because you’ll meet more people along the way,” he shared.

“Who knows? Maybe they’ll understand you better than your old friends could.”

The world is a vast space, and one breakup doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have friends again. 

Even if there’s no guarantee that they will stay and be better than your previous experience — because people do come and go — you’ll never find the right people that you deserve to surround yourself with even if you don’t try.  

When Elijah and Raf were asked if there was something they wished to say to their ex-friends, Elijah answered: “I’ve changed a lot now, and I hope you have as well. I sincerely hope you’re doing great in all your endeavors.” 

Raf’s message, on the other hand, was an apology filled with hope. 

“I wish to tell them how thankful I am for their presence during my high school time,” he said.

“I would also apologize that I slowly weaseled my way out of the group since I met some girl in high school. If life permits, I’d want to be close with them again.”

For me, I would tell my ex-friends that I’m glad they left me. 

The version of the person I was when I was with them was the one who didn’t know how to live nor how to be true to herself. Thanks to the way they crippled me with the pain of being left behind without a word is what made me the woman I am today. 

They made me grow into the person I’ve always wished to be. 

That’s what that the worst breakup in high school gives you: a sense of identity, a standard of the person you’ll let into your life again, and an image of a stronger individual. 

The pain that this break-up will give you is what’ll make you look ahead in your life and love it with all your might, knowing that everything can change in a snap. 

With reports from Ashley Kristieanne Ignacio