AH, love. It’s a beautiful thing; as per that old saying, it’s what makes the world go round. 

If you’re lucky enough, you may be one of the people who’s managed to find someone to help you face the stresses of everyday life – someone who makes waking up in the morning seem worth it, no matter the nuisances that may happen before you get to see them. 

If you’re comfortable with the person you’re dating, and if your schedules align with one another, you’re going to find yourself spending more and more time with them. 

How can you not? When you’re with them, all the bad things in the world seem to fade away. Colors seem brighter, and overall, the world just feels like a happier place. Whether your dates consist of eating out at fancy restaurants or enjoying a burger by the side of the road, they feel magical all the same.

But if you’re anything like me, who’s only ever been in crappy relationships in the past, you may find that you’re not used to this change – that you suddenly have a person willing to spend time with you no matter the time, day, or distance. 

You may find yourself spending less time with your friends or with your family compared to before and may start to feel anxious or worried about such a predicament (if you can call it that, anyway.)

You might find yourself feeling like your friends are mad at you because you spend all your time with your partner, or might even worry that you’re not spending enough time with yourself, instead becoming one of those people who have no discernible personality aside from having a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Admittedly, I felt that way for quite some time in my current relationship. Not because I had a bad partner, but because I was feeling insecure and worried about what others thought of me. At the same time, I didn’t feel that I was deserving of all the love and time that I’d been receiving. 

If you’ve recently gotten into a relationship, or have been in one in quite some time, and are currently feeling like this, I can reassure you: there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

When I was struggling with my inner demons about my relationship, something that helped me immensely was remembering that communication being important applied not only to relationships but to friendships, as well.

When I felt that I had been spending too much time with my partner, I confided in some of my close friends, asking them: Is it wrong to be spending all my time with them? Am I doing enough to maintain the other relationships in my life? 

The answer was simple: my friend sent me a TikTok from Julian de Medeiros, who focuses on advising about love and relationships, among a number of other things. 

In this video sent to me, de Medeiros says a beautiful thing: that one sign that you’ve found true love is when you become the guardians of each other’s solitude. 

“Love is when you enjoy being with that other person so much, you don’t need to be with anyone else, you relish in each other’s conversation,” he stated, which he believes is a sign that you’re in a happy, healthy relationship.

“You enjoy each other’s conversation and each other’s company so much that you don’t feel like you have to be with other people.”

De Medeiros reassures viewers that this behavior doesn’t automatically mean that you’re codependent on one another. If anything, it just means you’re in love – specifically, that you’re in love with someone whom you find interesting, who makes you feel happy and safe, so nurtured, loved, and respected, that you want to be around them all the time. 

Because with them, you feel good not just about them but yourself all the time. And you know deep down that that’s something you don’t feel very often.

He continues to say that when you’re in this kind of relationship, suddenly things are so much better, regardless of how simple they may be. Movies are better, food more delicious, books more interesting, all because you share these experiences with your special person. If anything, they are all elevated because you are with said person.

He ends the video by saying: “To be in love is to have found someone who is a constant companion, somebody you relish each and every moment with.”

It’s not always gonna be balanced

An article by Korey Lane and Corinne Sullivan from Elite Daily notes that it’s perfectly normal for couples to spend a lot of time with one another. However, it’s important to remember that this may not be for everyone.

Some may feel suffocated by spending all their time with just one person, and others may think that the time spent with their partner is still not enough. The case varies based on several factors. 

As per their interview with Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life Coaching: “The key to determining if too much time is a bad sign is to measure the amount of time couples spend arguing together, and how they feel once they do get some separation.” 

If you find that you’re happier without your partner around all the time, then maybe space is the answer. But if you find that all the time spent with them is smooth sailing with little to no arguments involved, then why feel the need to distance yourself? 

On this issue, I spoke to a close friend: MK Sto. Tomas, 21, who’s been in a healthy, happy relationship for the past year. 

Almost immediately, she told me there’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending too much time with your partner. She further explained that when you’re in a relationship, your partner often takes up more than one role in your life: they are not just your partner, but your friend as well. 

So on some level, you do spend less time with your friends when you get a partner, but that’s only because you consider your partner your best friend. With them, you’re able to do anything and everything you want to do – to gossip about the snooty thing your co-worker said, or to cry when your family feels like they’re being too much once again. 

“It’s okay to feel guilty, [it’s] totally valid, but at the same time, as long as your partner isn’t controlling you na “Wag ka sumama sa friends mo,” then no worries,” she explained. 

“As long as you have time for yourself and others, it’s okay. Balance doesn’t matter, ‘di naman laging 50-50.” 

To those who may think that time spent together means codependency, Sto. Tomas states that ultimately, only you get to decide if too much is too much.

“You know to yourself [that] you’re not dependent, [that] your world is not revolving around him, and your decision is not made behind him, and that’s enough,” she reassured.

And if you’re still having doubts, remember: at the end of the day, the relationship you are in belongs to you and your partner – no one else. If you’re happy and you aren’t hurting anyone, then there’s no need for you to worry.