DO you still remember your first friend? Or even your first group of friends?

Believe it or not, we have memories of them from the silly to the memorable things we did together that we still remember.

Meeting them and becoming friends with them is a blessing since we have that someone who will listen to our daily rants, a person who would offer a shoulder to cry on when we get emotional, and even our potential love items.

However, there’s no such thing as permanent in our life; people—especially, come and go. And it is sad to see that the bonds with those we have come to know as friends come to an end.

But is it valid to cut people off from our life? What does it mean to outgrow a person?

For Sophia, a 22-year-old college student, cutting off her old friends and acquaintances is okay.

“Mostly it’s for my mental health and maybe it just didn’t work out for us,” she stated in an interview.

Sophia shared that she and her friends gradually stopped talking. As the “once in a blue moon” check ups on each other became awkward, they eventually lost their connection. 

According to her, things didn’t end well.

“May onting misunderstandings na kahit we talked through and try to understand our sides, in the end parang may lamat na. So kahit gusto naming maging friends pa rin ulit, nahihirapan kami i-continue yung connection kasi alam namin nasaktan namin ang isa’t isa,” she narrated.

Kenneth, a senior college student who was a victim of bullying as a child, also made the decision to cut ties with his friends from his elementary days as he learned the value of “quality over quantity”.

In an interview, he shared that he was “never on the same wavelength when it came to values in life” with his childhood friends.

“So I think it’s alright to cut off our connections. Growing up being bullied, I craved privacy and trust. So, if a person doesn’t contribute to my well-being, I cut off connections with them.” he added.

Most of the connections that Kenneth cut off were people he gradually grew apart from as they chose different paths in life. But there were a few people he confronted for breaking his trust.

For Kenneth, cutting off connections is both sad and liberating.

“[It’s] sad because you wish you don’t have to cut them off, but realize that it’s natural for people to come and go out of your life. And it’s freeing to know that you’ve learned something from that connection and you helped each other grow,” he explained.

Moreover, he believes that you can’t completely cut off a person because they’ve also become a part of who you are. Rather, it’s only the connection, their access to your life, that you can remove.

“Sometimes, you have to think of your peace of mind,” is Skaila’s, a student leader, perception on cutting off friends.

She elaborated that if it’s not healthy to have a connection between you and them, it’s best to cut them off. “What help will they give you anyway? Better run than stick around, especially if they are problematic already.” 

According to Skaila, she tried to reconcile but her friend did not entertain her, which Skaila now sees as an advantage. 

She also shared that while she and her ex-partner were initially friends, she still decided to cut them off totally. “Kasi she makes me uncomfy and uneasy to the point na kapag nagchat siya nanginginig ako sa takot cuz of trauma. So it’s a case to case basis.”

Sophia, Kenneth, and Skaila have left a final message to their former friends.

Sophia hopes to let her previous friends know that she’s sorry that they are no longer speaking. “I hope you know na I truly treasure our memories especially at magkasama tayo mula elementary hanggang high school. Sadyang lumipas ang panahon sa atin and kahit na we stopped talking, know that I am proud of you and what you have achieved so far. 

“For my old friends that we truly stopped talking and only talked about certain circumstances, know that I am truly proud of what you are achieving and I’m sorry truly sorry for what had happened between us in the past. I hope we can talk again someday na hindi lang for formal things and work related topics,” Sophia wrote.

Kenneth, meanwhile, hopes that wherever his childhood friends are now, they “continue to strive to be a better person everyday. Not because they’ve been the worst, but because you never cease to learn as long as you live.”

“Message to L, grabe yung trauma na binigay mo sakin na up until now dala-dala ko pa din and still healing it for me to be better, still remember vividly kung [paano] mo ko sinaktan physically, emotionally, and all,” Skaila left as a final note.

People grow and continuously learn from other people we meet in our lives. Some are meant to stay, while others don’t.

In order to lessen the baggage you carry, understand that letting go of the people who caused you trauma, heartache, and pain is normal and the best thing you can do for yourself. It is absolutely normal to choose yourself and your inner peace.

With reports from Marvin Cabalhin