TRANSITIONING from teenage years to one’s twenties is tough. It’s a time when your decisions are torn between holding onto youth and meeting your own expectations as well as society’s.
This is a story of breaking free from society’s chains.
Examples of unhealthy societal standards
- How to look and behave according to our gender
“Boys shouldn’t show any weakness,” “Females should live with compliance,” and more.
Oftentimes, the word “should” is what introduces people to an identity crisis, a period of not knowing which part of you is truly you.
If you have experienced toning yourself down, or the opposite in any manner, just so you could fit into a standard, you are becoming someone shaped by a vessel that does not fit your very being.
- What profitable careers one should take
“Walang pera sa ganiyan, sa ganito meron.”
In a study conducted by Stanford University’s Center for Social Innovation, it was found that “societal pressure could dissuade people from choosing careers that align with their passions if they aren’t seen as traditionally prestigious or profitable.”
Choosing your career isn’t a game of eeny, meeny, miny, moe, nor are you required to pick among the few industries that society deems acceptable. In the long run, an individual who’s forced to land a job entirely out of pressure from society may experience a very unhealthy work environment.
- What a relationship should look like
“A man for a woman, a woman for a man”, and “Marriage should be about procreation.”
In situations when a man and a woman finally wed, society instantly demands a child.
Proving beyond doubt that societal rules and standards’ purpose is to forcefully throw everyone into a continuous pattern that some prefer to avoid.
As for homosexuality, although it still isn’t wholly accepted by society, the number of people embracing it is rising. As it still is an existing issue, many people from the community still hide their gender identity.
- What types of success are acceptable
Unhealthy societal rule: “Money, fame, and power are three things successful people possess.”
It is time that we acknowledge that success is not defined by material possessions alone, but by progress and triumphs in other life aspects as well. Physical, emotional, spiritual success and more are just as important.
Regrets can be exhausting due to their association with obsessive thinking and preoccupation about what one might have done wrong. This self-criticism often worsens anxiety and depression.
But if one’s story can come to the aid of many, sharing it helps a handful of people from Generation Z. Catch the stories from individuals who, amid society’s expectations, have found liberation on their terms.
Stories of Millennials: How can Gen Zs relate?
Before turning 20, Jgence Parcon thought that life would make sense.
Jgence graduated at the top of his class in high school, so his friends and families were expecting a person whose future would be bright.
He said: “Andoon yung pressure, na ‘ay, wait lang, they are expecting me to be this great.”
While it’s important to have people who believe in you, one cannot ignore the pressure brought by it.
“It’s nerve-wracking knowing na they’re there, not necessarily judging but somehow anticipating,” he added.
Once he turned 20, he wasn’t able to avoid asking himself the question of doubt, “What if hindi ko magawa?”
Your career is as important as your well-being
Jgence studied at the University of the Philippines, Los Baños, one of the hardest universities to enter in the country. However, when he was there, he didn’t feel like himself.
The pressure to meet expectations made him afraid of making mistakes which hindered his exploration of possibilities. He added that in his 20s, life made sense and didn’t make sense at the same time.
He then graduated from another university with an education degree which he never saw himself doing, “Naka-graduate ako pero why do I feel unsatisfied?”
Pursuing a career that is nonaligned with your passion may just create a gap within you. He added that he had wanted to be a writer but things didn’t go as planned.
Your gender identity is as important as career building
When 20-year-old Cherry Bautista is asked about her 20s, she says: “Ito ang stage ng buhay ko na napaka aggressive ko lumaban sa buhay kasi akala ko madali ang lahat.”
Her story revolves around a very intense battle she fought for financial stability and her gender identity.
She worked three days after her college graduation, took multiple jobs, and hustled overseas. In essence, she poured all she had to provide for her mother and to fulfill her expectations for herself.
While building her career from scratch, she suppressed her gender identity. Hiding it with the disguise of being attracted to her opposite sex.
In a 2019 study by the Yale School of Public Health published in Yale School of Medicine’s article, it was revealed that “an estimated 83 percent of those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual — keep their orientation hidden from all or most of the people in their lives.”
Cherry was able not to tell her mother until her 30s, what she didn’t know was that her mother knew about it all along. According to her, she and her mother have a close relationship.
Societal expectations are often introduced to us from a young age, and it is initially by people closest to us. Lucky for Cherry, her gender identity was accepted by her mother long before she admitted it. However, a lot from the same community lacks that kind of support.
How they conquered it
“If there’s one thing that helped me manage a difficult situation is admitting that I was in one kasi from that point onwards, I’ll know what to do and I’ll learn to avoid what caused it,” said Jgence.
He stressed that, “I tried my best para mabuo ako para kung gustuhin ko man makamit yung expectations ng iba, kaya ko, and kung hindi, I’m still doing it for myself.”
For Cherry, in the pursuit of her successful career, she sourced her strength from her mother’s prayers.
As for her problems with embracing her gender identity, aside from her mother, she found herself in circles of friends and a partner who accepted every bit of her.
Jgence is now a successful educator, while Cherry has a booming career in a government agency. Both emerged from the burden of these expectations, continuing to fight through them until that chapter of their lives eventually ended.
With reports from Naomi Viehl D. Politico
