WE were all children once. Growing up, we had many different fears: ghosts, clowns, perhaps even the dark. But as we grew older, many of us found these fears turn into other things: the fear of being rejected, of being alone, of being left behind, of being even vulnerable enough to discuss these fears out loud. 

Camila Sunn, a non-binary 22-year-old freelance artist and student at the UP Online University, encapsulates these fears through their series Revisiting Childhood. It is a collection of illustrations depicting faceless figures with our beloved cartoon characters from youth giving advice on how to deal with adulthood and the challenges of growing up. 

Sunn started making these drawings as she faced the realities of growing up.

“I had a lot of pressure from all the responsibilities being an adult would bring,” said Sunn, who made the series as a terrified 19-year-old living in America. 

They found “rolling with the punches” to be an extremely difficult task, and as an attempt to cope, they started re-watching their childhood comfort shows and films.

“I started thinking about my childhood, ‘cause I was facing a problem when I was transitioning from a teenager to an adult. I just circled back and went to the beginning of things,” she said.

In an attempt to address their loneliness and pressure by instead holding onto nostalgia, they then had this thought: “I wonder what these comfort characters would tell me right now as a teenager.” 

It was then that Sunn started creating the Revisiting Childhood series as a means of expressing the feelings they’d been keeping bottled up for so long. What started as a simple means to vent eventually ended up touching the hearts of many people; they found adults of all ages telling them how much their work helped them get through rough times.

“Friends and strangers ended up finding comfort in them,” they said. 

“I’d have friends that were 30 or strangers that were 30 onwards reaching out to me, telling me that it was comforting and bittersweet,” she added. 

republicasia got the chance to sit down and talk with Sunn on the deeper meanings found within their art, the creative process that went into each one, and of course, the future of their art page, pusangkalat.

Dissecting the art

Can you tell us about the first installment of the series?

Photo courtesy: Camila Sunn

Pooh was one of my favorite characters from my childhood. At the time, I just wanted to envision how the character would talk to me. How Pooh would respond to me as an adult. Would the way he’ll speak and his traits still be the same?

So I tried to draw Pooh comforting an adult, or the adult was me, but I just drew it as a formless scribble, so anyone could relate to it. 

I was dealing with loneliness in a different country, so I just wanted to think about what would Pooh tell me right now as I’m feeling scared, feeling a lot of external and internal pressure. How would he tell me that he’s still there?

Throughout the whole series, I tried to copy how the characters would talk and stay close to how they’d talk to people in that world–to people as adults. I know I’m an adult, but sometimes I feel like a grown child. 

How would you choose the characters for each piece?

Aside from [them] having a special place in my heart, I wanted to touch [on] different fears I felt as an adult. It’s not just loneliness, it’s also being afraid, being scared of change, being scared of saying goodbye. 

‘Cause when I was a teenager and a kid, I was very, very comfortable. I thought everything would stay the same, and I’ve just grown and aged.

But then I realized at that age, and even now, it’s not always gonna be the same, and a lot of things are always easier said than done. 

Photo courtesy: Camila Sunn

When I did the Untalkative Bunny one, I always wondered how they made a bunny to not speak but still be heard. So at that time I wanted to touch [on] things every person feels but is left unsaid.

Photo courtesy: Camila Sunn

For Hobbes: a lot of kids end up being ambitious and wanting to fulfill and reach their dreams, but as adults, we realize we have to cut those dreams short to make way for priorities. 

I’ve also reached out to some friends, ‘cause at the time, everything I knew about being an adult was still limited, so I’d ask my older friends, “What are your comfort characters? Why?”

Photo courtesy: Camila Sunn

I have a friend [who] told me one of his favorite characters was named Garfield. And that was challenging, ‘cause we know Garfield is very straight to the point. How do I make it as if Garfield was talking to someone who’s going through things?

At the time that I made this, I was faced with a lot of expectations from people around me. Everyone wants to be significant at one point. I just felt like I was so scared of change that I wanted to feel secure. I didn’t want to be significant, I just wanted to feel that everything was enough.

For most of my illustrations that I made for these characters, I would cry or tear up just because it was really, really bittersweet. As if I was hearing them talk as I was illustrating them.

Photo courtesy: Camila Sunn

The whole series was also heavily inspired by the Little Prince. ‘[He] thought that a lot of things that adults worried about were pointless. 

I found a lot of bliss in that, ‘cause at the moment, I’m 22. When I did the series I was 19. I thought I knew a lot, but apparently I didn’t. 

I just really wanted to touch on a lot of feelings and fears that adults have but don’t often say out loud out of fear.

It doesn’t make you any less of an adult; in fact, it just makes you human. 

Which ones are your favorites in the series?

It would have to be the Winnie the Pooh and the Courage the Cowardly Dog, and the Bear in the Big Blue House.

Photo courtesy: Camila Sunn

With Courage the Cowardly Dog, it was one of my favorite series growing up. At the time, I didn’t know how to explain that I was scared of the changes that I was experiencing, ‘cause you know how fears are as a kid: it’s always shadows, ghosts, monsters. 

But as you grow up, the fears you experience, sometimes [they] happen in your head. I didn’t know I’d be scared of my own feelings, I’d be scared of change. They’re not exactly monsters per se, but they are very scary. 

Looking back on the series

Do you have any pieces in the series you wish you did differently?

I’m happy with everything I did in the series. Revisiting that series, it made me understand myself more. And just seeing how teenager me thought of the world that adult me is living in right now, it made me both sad and happy. 

At the time I kept talking about so many fears, only to realize I’m here now and I’m happy. If I could tell my old self that it’s gonna be fine and it does get better, I would. 

What‘s been your favorite part about releasing the series?

I didn’t expect a lot of people would resonate with it. I thought [that] if I talk about my fears, it would make me appear lonely, [or] silly and childish.

Back then, I was just doodling my feelings ‘cause I had a hard time communicating it to people around me, especially at the time, I was in America. The time difference was so big, so I had a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to myself ‘cause I couldn’t really message my friends, ‘cause they were all back in the Philippines, either asleep or working.

I felt seen and heard by something that I did very absentmindedly. Some of my friends told me they read it during work and they were crying, or the whole series came across their timeline at the perfect time [when] they were trying to reminisce about their childhood and teenage years.

As adults, we have this fear of being vulnerable. A lot of people have told me they felt vulnerable after reading or just seeing my series. And being vulnerable’s okay, it’s actually one of the bravest things someone could do. It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable–to just let down your walls for a bit.

How have you grown as an artist compared to when you first released the series?

I’ve grown in terms of accepting changes more instead of trying so hard to fight them.

Back then, I was so young. I felt like the world was so big, I felt a lot of shock. I didn’t know the world could be so big. All the while I was feeling that, I felt so small.

I still feel like I’m so small, but not as often as I did before. I still have that fear, [but] I find things that ground me. Whenever change happens in my life, I try to adapt to it instead of fighting it. And I’ve seen myself grow through problems I face, or just finding ways on how I can healthily cope throughout everything being thrown at me. 

I try not to dwell on the past too much. And if I do think about the past, I try to not stay there.

What would you like to say to the people who were touched by your series?

It’s okay to be vulnerable. I thought being an adult was so scary, ‘cause I thought that I have to know everything right away, but you only ever know what it’s like to be 20 when you reach 20.

No one gives you a handbook, and it’s alright to feel pressure and fear and longingness. I don’t wanna be faux positive that it gets better, ‘cause sometimes it doesn’t, and it’s alright if it’s not alright. It’s okay if it’s just a little okay.

Being an adult is scary, but if we see adults more as kids that grew up, that they’re human, and not as people that have to emerge out of their early adult years or teenage years with [as] minimal mistakes as possible, then things would’ve been easier to deal with. 

You’re meant to make mistakes, to learn from them, and learn how to adapt to your environment.

Do you plan to continue the series in the future? What characters are you thinking of adding, if ever?

I actually do wanna continue the series in the future, I wanted to make this longer.

I wanted to ask people about their comfort characters and fears and experiences–make it really mixed and not just have it come from my own. ‘Cause that’s what my favorite part of the series is: the storytelling aspect.

As of now, I don’t have any characters I have in mind yet. Maybe a couple, just Barney or Elmo.

I do plan on continuing this series, maybe this year. I plan on making it a zine. [And] the series is actually open if ever people want to have it tattooed. I don’t think I’ve been very public about that.

I plan to focus on this series more, ‘cause I’m still just 22. I still have a long way to go.

Do you have any upcoming events or releases people can look forward to?

Currently, I have a collab with Siningtinta that I did at the beginning of the year or the end of last year. 

And in terms of future plans, I do plan on focusing on pusangkalat more because I’ve kind of been on hiatus since the pandemic. But I’m really excited ‘cause I’ve learned so much, and I have so many plans to do. 

Nothing specific yet, but the most I can plug is to keep posted on the releases I have this year. I plan to put out more merch and more tattoo designs and to hopefully do more collabs with people, especially more artists and musicians.