“Grief casts a shadow that seems unyielding, yet within its depths, humor can emerge like a fragile ray of light after the storm—a rainbow that whispers of healing and resilience.”
GRIEF is a universal human experience. When faced with loss, individuals may turn to various coping strategies to manage their emotions. One such approach is humor—a method that, despite its seeming irreverence, can provide solace and healing in unexpected ways.
Humor, often regarded as a lighthearted and enjoyable aspect of life, may seem incongruent with the somberness of grief. However, humor can play a significant role in helping individuals cope with the emotional turmoil of grief. It can serve as a temporary escape from pain, a means of connecting with others, and a way to find moments of levity amidst the heaviness of loss. Humor in grief is not about dismissing or trivializing the experience of loss, but rather about finding moments of relief and connection amid sorrow.
Ivan, grieving after losing his father, has found humor to be an integral part of his coping mechanism; humor has unexpectedly become a powerful tool in coping with his grief.
“Nahirapan ako i-navigate ang napakabigat na experience na ‘to (At first, dealing with my dad’s death felt incredibly heavy),” Ivan explains. “Kinailangan kong dumaan sa proseso ng pagdurusa, iyak, pagtanggi, at iba pa. Tapos no’ng na-realize ko na lagi kong bitbit yung sakit na ‘to, na parang keychain sa bag ko, naisip ko na bakit hindi ko na lang dalhin ito as someone na hindi siniseryoso ang lahat? (I went through all the stages—sadness, denial, and more. But then I realized, this pain is going to be with me like a keychain on my bag. So, why not carry it lightly, with a smile and laughter?)”
Humor has played a crucial role in Ivan’s healing process. Instead of avoiding the topic or feeling overwhelmed by sadness, he found that joking about his father actually helped him feel closer to him. “Making jokes lightened the heavy feelings,” Ivan said.
“Napag-uusapan siya na para lang siyang buhay at napapagaan nito ang bigat na nararamdaman ko (It gave me a way to talk about my dad without feeling so sad. It made me feel like I was honoring his memory in a way that felt right for me),” he added.
Ivan, known as Ibayan (@ivnpsn) on X (formerly Twitter) used his creativity to express his grief in a unique way. He designed a sticker that says ‘Walang Tatay Club’ (Fatherless Club), which he shares with others who have lost their fathers. “Bilang isang artist, isa na rin ang art sa coping mechanism ko; isa sa mga anak ng pagluluksa ko ay ang ginawa kong sticker na “walang tatay club” na pinamimigay/binebenta ko (As an artist, art has become one of my ways to cope. One of the products of my grieving process is a sticker that says “walang tatay club”, which I give away or sell).” Ivan then stated. “It’s a symbol of our shared experience,” Ivan explains. “It’s a way for me to connect with people who understand what I’m going through.”
According to an article titled “Humor and grief” humor can serve as a coping mechanism in the face of grief. The release of laughter and positive emotions through humor can provide temporary relief from the intense emotions associated with loss. Additionally, Humor and laughter are also noted for their immune-balancing effects, as discussed by Klein (1989). Maintaining a balanced immune system is crucial during periods of emotional strain, such as grief, where stress levels can impact overall health.
Reflecting on how humor has changed his perspective on grief, Ivan admits that the pain of losing his dad is still there. “Losing someone you love is always hard,” he says. “But humor has helped me see it differently. It’s not just about feeling sad—it’s also about remembering the good times and celebrating the love we shared.”
Laughter has long been recognized for its healing properties, and its role in the context of grief is no exception. The release of endorphins and the sense of connection fostered through shared laughter can contribute to emotional well-being and resilience in the face of grief. Exploring the healing power of laughter can offer a deeper appreciation for how humor can be a source of strength and comfort during times of mourning.
When asked what advice he would give to others struggling with grief, Ivan encourages people to find what works best for them. “Everyone grieves differently,” he says. “For me, humor has been a lifeline. But for others, it might be something else—like art, music, or talking with friends. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.”
For Ivan, using humor to talk about his dad has become a way to keep his memory alive in a positive and meaningful way. “I think naging sort-of running gag sakin at sa mga kaibigan ko ang pagkawala ng ama, at ewan, kada chance na nakukuha namin na i-joke ang kawalan ng ama namin, nanatili silang buhay kasi nababanggit namin sila. (My friends and I joke about my dad sometimes. It’s a way to remember him with joy and laughter, instead of just tears).”
In the end, humor is a profound yet often underestimated coping mechanism for grief. It allows for moments of levity in the darkest times, creating a space where joy and sorrow can coexist. Embracing humor doesn’t negate the pain of loss but offers a way to honor and remember loved ones with a smile. As we navigate our paths through grief, finding and cherishing those moments of laughter can be a powerful testament to our resilience and the enduring spirit of those we’ve lost.
