Photo by Tumisu on Pixabay
ANGEL* had just finished her high school education when she met Kelvin, 34, a seafarer.
Love came easy for the two, as Angel perceived her suitor to be someone who’s kind, gentle, and respectful. She said she had always felt safe around him because he promised he would protect her from anything that might cause her harm.
But little did she know that Kelvin’s kindness and warmth was just a facade to conceal the monster in him.
Her partner started physically hurting her one year after they had their first child. She was barely 18.
Kelvin would punch and kick her in different parts of her body. He would throw various household things at her — mugs, plates, the remote control, their baby’s milk bottle, anything that catches his eye.
Angel said that at first, she thought he did it because he was frustrated as he still hadn’t received a call from his agency. Because the moment Kelvin was called in again for work, the abuse stopped.
“Hindi kasi siya maka-akyat noon ng barko kaya sa akin niya siguro binubunton. Nung natawagan na siya, nagging mabait na ulit siya sa akin,” she told republicasia.
Angel’s case shows that domestic abuse, regardless of laws that penalize this horrible crime, is still prevalent in society.
Many still fall victim to this violence perpetrated inside the household where one is supposed to feel the safest.
Netizens have been sharing their stories on various social media platforms to raise awareness regarding domestic abuse cases in the country.
This also serves as a way for victims to warn the public by revealing their abusers, in order to prevent other women from experiencing this atrocity.
The United Nations (UN) defines domestic abuse as a “pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.”
Dr. Angelo Base, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the BCIPD Law Group Philippines, said domestic abuse can fall under several different types: physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, economic, and psychological.
This means domestic abuse, also called intimate partner violence, may include any action or behavior that frightens, intimidates, terrorizes, manipulates, hurts, humiliates, blames, injures, or wounds someone.
The UN also stressed that anyone, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith, or social class, can be a victim of domestic violence.
From January to December 2022, there were at least 7,284 recorded cases of violence against women, according to data shared by the Philippine Commission on Women (PCW) from the Philippine National Police Crime Information Reporting and Analysis System (PNP-CIRAS).
Kristine Balmes, PCW’s Deputy Executive Director for Operations, said women aged 15 to 40 years old experience domestic violence in the Philippines.
At least 20.1 percent of women in the country suffered physical violence in 2008, 19.6 percent in 2013, and 17 percent in 2017. In 2022, 12.5 percent fell victims to physical abuse.
Meanwhile, 8.7 percent of women experienced sexual abuse in 2008, 6.3 percent in 2013, 5 percent in 2017, and 4.2 percent in 2022.
Data from the Philippine Statistics Authority’s national demographic and health survey in 2022 also showed that 18 percent of women have faced any form of physical, sexual, or emotional violence by their current or most recent husband or intimate partner. This means 1 in 5 women experience domestic violence, said Balmes.
PNP data also show that it received 8,430 reports of violations of the Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children of 2004 or Republic Act 9262 in 2021. It received 11,184 reports in 2020, 15,712 reports in 2019, and 16,089 reports in 2019.
The law covers acts of violence committed against women and their children, including those in dating or common-law relationships, as well as former spouses or partners.
The VAWC law allows victims to seek protection orders from the court regarding cases of violence, including physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. It also covers acts of harassment, stalking, and cybercrime.
Perpetrators found guilty of violating the VAWC law may face imprisonment, fines, or both. The law also ensures that victims receive support services such as counseling, medical treatment, and temporary shelter.
While the numbers have decreased over the years, the total number of cases of maltreatment of women is still considerably high.
Balmes said the decrease in the cases of violence against women might just be due to the limited access to authorities and anti-VAWC desks during the onslaught of the COVID-19 pandemic.
“We had prolonged lockdowns, quarantine protocols, redirection of government facilities and resources, and marami pang iba which also hindered women and children’s access to services, especially in geographically isolated and/or conflict-laden areas in the country,” she said.
She said others may also have chosen not to report the incidents to proper authorities and instead opted for alternative means of dispute resolution, such as settlement, posting online, or media exposure.
Dr. Mythel De Paula, a Supreme Court accredited mediator and co-founder of the BCIDP Law Group Philippines, said domestic violence is often a result of unresolved issues within a marriage or a cohabitation.
This is based on the studies she conducted in the Philippine Women’s University, which note that the abuse comes from smaller issues that have grown and developed into something more serious.
“Nag-pile up na yung nga issues nila before and then it keeps coming back since it hasn’t been resolved yet,” she told republicasia.
This pushes individuals to hurt their partners, whether physically, emotionally, or verbally.
Photo by MART PRODUCTION on Pexels
She also said a previous history of abuse, such as childhood or relationship trauma, can cause people to hurt their partners because they think this is normal.
“Whenever a child would experience some violence, kagaya ng pananakit sa bahay, they would grow into thinking that it is normal to hurt or harm someone,” she said.
Aside from this, trauma induced from previous relationships could also lead to domestic violence.
Customer service representative Danica, 27, told republicasia that the cheating incident her former partner experienced with his ex was one of the driving forces behind the verbal abuse she endured from him for four years.
Her ex accused her of infidelity, which led to a series of manipulation and insults.
Emotional and economical crises could also lead to abuse.
But not all causes are internal. De Paula said abuse of substances such as illegal drugs and alcohol could also influence people to inflict harm on their partners.
This was also the case for Danica. She said that whenever her partner would come home drunk, he would force her to sleep with him. And then he would mock her whenever she turned down his request.
“Kapag tumatanggi ako, aawayin nya ako kasi baka raw kaya ayaw kong gawin kasi may ibang gumagalaw sakin. Na baka raw kaya ayaw kong magka-anak kami eh dahil mahihinto raw yung pagpopokpok ko,” she recalled.
Base underscored the importance of addressing one’s underlying psychological issues before settling down in a relationship to ensure a balanced and harmonious union.
“They would continue to carry on kung ano yung kinalakihan nila and they would continue to create the same abusive environment,” he said.
Danica had experienced intense verbal abuse from her previous partner. She was constantly accused of cheating with one of her colleagues at work and received harsh criticisms from him for a sin she did not commit.
“Niloloko ko raw sya, na nagpapabuntis daw ako sa iba, which is hindi naman totoo kasi bahay-office lang naman ako,” the 27-year-old said.
“Pinagmumura nya rin ako tapos sinabi pa nya na baka kaya raw ako ganitong klase ng babae eh dahil parehas kami ng mama ko,” she added.
Because of the violence she experienced, Danica said she felt so little, to the extent that she felt the need to isolate because of the shame she was experiencing.
The abuse also forced her to quit her job and withdraw from any communication with her friends.
De Paula said the most common emotional effects of domestic abuse are depression, anxiety, and social isolation.
“They don’t want to be involved in any social parties and they want to separate themselves from other people because of the trauma that they had. So they would think that, if they involve themselves with other people, baka masaktan lang din sila,” she said.
Victims also tend to have lower self-worth. Their daily life and work can also be affected, she noted.
Due to this, they tend to believe nobody will accept them because of their history. Hence, they face difficulties in finding jobs that would sustain them and their children, she said.
This is similar to Angel’s case. Unable to complete her education, she tends to heavily depend on her partner for finances.
Kelvin was the only one working in their family to support their two children. Because of this, she found it difficult to end their relationship.
De Paula noted that the fear of not being able to tend to their children is one of the reasons women still choose to stay inside a toxic relationship.
But she also said children who witness abuse may also suffer physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically from such incidents.
“Kahit yung school activities nila, performance nila in school, bumababa po yan,” she said.
These children can also be victims of bullies due to low self-esteem, she said. On the other hand, they can become bullies, too, in an attempt to protect themselves from abuse.
Base said that the first action that needs to be done is to make one’s partner aware of the violence they inflict.
He said some people are unaware of such cruel acts because of some mental health issues.
This will give them the opportunity to rectify their behavior. This will also be a good chance to resolve the issue, he added.
However, if the abuse persists, Base and De Paula said victims should seek help from the authorities to end the violence.
De Paula also recommends seeking legal assistance.
“Ipaalam mo sa barangay and sa VAWC desk na may nangyayari sa inyo,” she said.“Humingi ka ng tulong sa mga trusted talaga na expert sa paghandle nito, not from ordinary friends na walang alam dito para hindi lumala yung problema.”
She also advises victims of abuse to create a safety plan, which includes emergency contacts that can help them to transport themselves to a safer environment.
Moreso, she said it is crucial to collect evidence and other documents.
For more assistance, victims may contact the following VAWC hotlines:
The PCW also accepts referral through the inter-agency council on violence against women and their children secretariat.
Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash
Having gone through abuse herself, Danica advises her fellow victims to stand up for themselves and their children.
She said violence should not be tolerated and it should end after the first time.
“Hindi talaga dapat nag-iipon pa ng mga atraso. Kailangan laging i-prioritize sarili natin, na kapag nag-start na yung abuse, itry natin hangga’t maaari na makaalis don at wag na nating antaying lumala pa,” she said.
Angel, on the other hand, said women should choose their partners wisely, not just for themselves, but also for their children.
“Yung mga anak natin, hindi sila makakapili kung sinong magiging tatay nila, pero tayo, mayroon tayong choice na pumili ng disenteng taong makakasama natin sa pagtanda at magiging mabuting ama sa mga anak natin,” she said.
*Names have been changed for privacy
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