LAST WEEK, artist Chappell Roan posted a video on her TikTok telling people that she didn’t care if it were selfish to decline photos or hugs from fans.
@chappellroan Do not assume this is directed at someone or a specific encounter. This is just my side of the story and my feelings.
♬ original sound – chappell roan
Before this, she’d posted a video asking viewers: “Just answer my questions for a second. If you saw a random woman on the street, would you yell at her from the car window? Would you harass her in public? Would you go up to a random lady and say, ‘Can I get a photo you with you?’ And she’s like, ‘No, what the f—?’ And then you get mad at this random lady?”
@chappellroan ♬ original sound – chappell roan
She went on to say: “Would you be offended if she says no to your time because she has her own time? Would you stalk her family? Would you follow her around? Would you try to dissect her life and bully her online? This is a lady you don’t know, and she doesn’t know you at all.”
She also shared a post on Instagram on this same topic, saying that she’s always wanted to be an artist, and has been building her project up for the past 10 years.
Roan explained that she’d been in several non-consensual physical and social interactions and, about this, she reminded people that women don’t owe you sh*t.
“I chose this career path because I love music and art and honoring my inner child. I do not accept harassment of any kind because I chose this path, nor do I deserve it,” her post read.
The singer said that when she was performing or at events, she was at work, but outside of that, she was clocked out, and thus did not owe anyone her energy or attention.
“Women do not owe you a reason why they don’t want to be touched or talked to,” she said.
“This has nothing to do with the gratitude and love I feel for my community, for the people who respect my boundaries, and for the love I feel from every person who lifts me up and has stuck with me to help the project get to where it is now.”
Roan specified that she was talking about predatory behavior toward women that has been normalized today, likening what she’s gone through to a woman being catcalled and being told it’s her fault for wearing a short skirt in the first place.
In the second to the last slide of her post, she wrote: “Please stop touching me. Please stop being weird to my family and friends. Please stop assuming things about me. There is always more to the story.”
This has been a topic of much debate on the Internet since then. Despite the fact that all the 26-year-old did was set some much-needed boundaries between her and her fans, many have since been shocked by her attitude, as if this is the first time an artist has ever done this.
In reality, Roan isn’t the first celebrity to talk about this, nor is she the first to ask for fans to respect her boundaries and privacy.
Artists have had enough
When rapper and singer Doja Cat told her fans she didn’t love them, the Internet was outraged.
Specifically, she replied to a fan asking her to say she loved them, to which Doja replied: “I don’t though [‘cause] I don’t even know y’all.”
Another fan replied to this saying: “And we don’t know you[,] but we have supported you through thick and thin. Mind you you’d be NOTHING without us. You’d be working at a grocery store making songs on f*cking GarageBand Miss High School Dropout.”
“Nobody forced you[, I don’t know] why you’re talking to me like you’re my mother b*tch you sound like a crazy person,” Doja replied.
Many called Doja out for being rude and ungrateful to her fans, saying that she should appreciate the people who have supported her.
While Doja could’ve been nicer with her wording, the fact of the matter is that she had a point: she didn’t know these people. The artists you love don’t know you, nor did they force you to be their fans in the first place. Why act as if they did?
This doesn’t just happen with international celebrities, either. Look at BINI, one of the most popular girl groups in the Philippines at the moment, which has called out their fans on numerous occasions due to their privacy constantly being dismissed solely because they’re famous.
One member, Gwen, said on X (formerly Twitter): “I really hope everyone respect[s] people’s privacy. Yung personal time we’re trying to adjust eh kase wala ganon na talaga, pero kahit privacy na lang, we appreciate your love and support and we always try na mapagbigyan kayo sa pagpa[-]picture but please… not to the point [that] you’ll go knock our rooms just for [a] picture.”
Often, whenever celebrities try to set any form of boundaries with their fans, people start calling them every horrible name in the book. They’re told that they’re entitled, that they owe doing these things for their fans given that said fans are the reason why they’re successful, and that it’s all just a part of the job that they need to get used to.
I don’t know why we keep forgetting that celebrities are human. If I were being mobbed by hundreds of people every day, screaming and touching me without my consent, following me when I’m just trying to live my life, I sure as hell wouldn’t be happy about it either.
Forming parasocial relationships with people you don’t know
At present, since it’s so easy for fans to interact with and get updates on their favorite celebrities, it’s become much easier to feel as if they’re our friends and not people we, realistically, know nothing about.
Today, the number of people getting into parasocial relationships with their favorite celebrities grows each day.
When we talk about parasocial relationships, these are essentially one-sided relationships, particularly with a celebrity or media persona.
While these aren’t just limited to celebrities – you can have them with animated or television show characters as well, for example – it is with celebrities that they are arguably most dangerous. Because in the formation of these relationships, you disregard the actual identity of this person; you don’t view them for who they are, but instead see them through a distorted lens of who you want them to be.
The website Very Well Mind explains that there are positive sides to this form of relationship, such as helping one deal with loneliness or form stronger social connections with others. It has its downsides too, though, such as neglecting the boundaries of those we form these relationships with or putting them on pedestals and not viewing them to be the flawed human beings they are.
Stop putting celebrities on a pedestal
As Roan wrote in the caption of her Instagram post: “If you see me as a b*tch or ungrateful or my entire statement upsets you, baby that’s you. You got to look inward and ask yourself, “Wait, why am I so upset by this? Why is a girl expressing her fears and boundaries so infuriating?”
It’s perfectly healthy to love the people you watch on TV or listen to on your daily commute. Hell, Very Well Mind even says that it’s common to form parasocial relationships. But just because this is what’s normal doesn’t mean it’s right.
At the end of the day, you don’t know these people, and these people don’t know you. Of course, they love you in a way that a celebrity loves any fan, but this love doesn’t make them obligated to be at your beck and call just because you watched their concert or bought their merch.
You can say that these celebrities are being too harsh or should be nicer to their fans, sure. But imagine working a job that you can, realistically, never clock out of. Wouldn’t that make you angry, too?
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