10 Lessons from the book ‘Don’t Sweat Over Small Stuff for Teens’

IN my teenage years, I never really had the opportunity to buy books that I found interesting due to financial constraints. It was only then in my early years of adulthood that I have finally become capable of doing so. 

One afternoon, I passed by a book store and checked the books that were on sale. Many of them were fictional, but I know I am less likely to invest my time reading fictional books. Then I saw Richard Carlson’s, “Don’t Over Small Stuff for Teens.” At first, I was hesitant if the book will be worth it given that I am no longer a teenager. Then it hit me, I did not have the privilege to learn about this book when I was a teen, maybe it is never too late to do that now. Afterall, I have certainly not learned everything that I should be learning as a teenager

The following are the remarkable excerpts from the book:.

1. Walk Away

“Many people think it’s weak to walk away. I disagree. Anyone can fight, argue, bicker or battle. That’s easy, and most people do it. It takes a strong, and I believe, a wise person, however, to be willing to walk away.

I am not only talking about walking away from physical confrontations, although that’s part of it. I’m talking about being able to walk away from arguments and conflicts that are likely to lead to stress, heartache, agony, anxiety, or hassle. “

There’s a saying that you should no longer sit at a table when respect is no longer being served. Engaging yourself in a conversation or places where you are made to feel that you are unwelcome or unwanted, gives them the power over you. Whereas, if you walk away, you strip them of an access to your life.

2. Don’t Keep Your Pain a Secret

“Some people keep the pain to themselves because they feel that they are being a burden to friends or family members. That’s usually not the case.Think of how readily available you would be if a good friend, a parent, or a sibling came to you in pain. I’ll bet you’d drop everything to lend a loving ear.”

Isn’t it ironic how we freely offer ourselves to others at the lowest point of other people’s lives when we hesitate to seek a hand when we are at our lowest too? It wouldn’t hurt to open up a little, to let someone know that there’s a weight you’re carrying behind your smile. We are all trying to live despite having battles we don’t always talk about. In order to be someone’s safe space, let’s allow ourselves to find a comfort from others too. 

3. Read a Minimum of Eight Pages per Day

“Becoming smart doesn’t happen overnight. Read just eight pages a day, and you’ll get through this stack in less than three years.”

Reading is such an underrated habit. Through reading, we learn and develop perspectives that oftentimes determine us as a person. Although 8 pages seem to be a few pages to some people, for as long as there is progress, then we must consider doing so.

4. Let People Talk

“For whatever reasons, human beings seem to have an instinctual need to be heard. When that need isn’t met, people feel as if something is missing. There is emptiness of some kind. When that need is met, however, people often feel nourished and satisfied.”

Being able to speak is nice. However, the feeling that you are heard and not invalidated is more special than any talking. Listening allows us to make people feel that there is indeed, a safe space in us. Listening also allows us to know more about people we may have not learned about for the longest time. If most people can invest their time to listen as they do when they speak, then many people will not be compelled to share their stories. 

5. Embrace the Attitude—This too shall pass

“You can take great comfort in knowing that everything passes. Since there are no exceptions—none—it means that if you feel sad ,, you won’t always be sad. If you’re angry, your anger will fade. If you fail, you’ll bounce back. If someone has hurt you, that feeling will change. If you lose a love, there will be another. Indeed, there is something very reassuring in knowing that, whatever it is, however hard it seems, it too will pass. You can count on it. 

When things get tough, it is inevitable that some people feel hopeless and begin to doubt how long their struggles will hold them back. However, one must embrace the attitude of not dwelling. Change is the only constant thing in this world. One second you’re feeling like the weight of this world is on your shoulders. The next thing you’ll know, everything is working in your favor. It is crucial to remain optimistic and believe that you are capable of surpassing the trials in life. Only by the moment you believe, is the moment you’ll realize as you look back that you’ve survived many challenges in life. 

6. Admit that You’re Wrong—or that You’ve made a mistake

Consider for a moment,  all the energy we spend defending ourselves and proving our positions when someone thinks we’re wrong. Think about all the arguing, correcting, and trying to get to people to see our innocence or our rationale for doing something. Consider the pressure associated with having to convince people we are right when they think we are wrong, or the stress of having to change someone’s point of view. Think of the hundreds of times we’ve had to explain ourselves—our reasons and justifications for our actions—when someone accuses us of making a mistake. If that doesn’t cause one to “sweat,” what does?

“Now imagine how easier your life would be if you eliminate a good percentage of all that. Wouldn’t it be a relief that when you are wrong or when you do make a mistake, rather than compounding the stress for additional hours, days, or weeks by constantly having to think about it and defend yourself, the issue would fade away, and you could get on with your life?”

There is nothing wrong with fighting for what is right. What’s inappropriate is when we are too eager to dismiss the calls for accountability instead of simply acknowledging our lapses by apologizing. There are many people who unnecessarily exhaust themselves by wasting too much energy on how they can defend themselves. Those who live an easier life are those who recognize their mistakes and that they have caused pain to others too. 

7. Remind Yourself that No One is Out There to Get You

“Acknowledging the fact that no one is out there to get us assists our creativity, persistence, responsibility, and willingness to take change of our own lives. It will help you become a happier and more productive individual.”

Oftentimes, we expect people to reciprocate the kindness and humility that we give—only to be disappointed each time they fail to do so. Recognizing early on and honing yourself to be non-dependent on anyone will save yourself from disappointments. It will also teach you the art of bouncing back by being strategic everytime you fall short.

8. Put it On Paper

“The simple act of writing down my feelings got them off my chest—and allowed me to let go of them. Even as I threw the letter in the trash, I felt loads better. There was no need to take the next step and actually send it; writing it was enough.”

Most people prefer to talk to their friends or loved ones during the most difficult times of their lives. Sadly, not everyone gets the courage to share in detail what causes them pain or what thoughts overwhelms them. If you are one of them, you may consider writing everything on paper. Most people overlook or even underestimate the power of journaling, 

But having an outlet to ease one’s mind and free them from many thoughts is certainly helpful too. In times of hesitation to speak up about your pain, just grab your pen and paper, and let the blank spaces be filled with what bothers you. . 

9. Check Out the Space Between Your Thoughts

“Have you ever experienced being just about ready (on the edge) of making a decision, or doing something, but then at the very last instant, you decided against it? If so, you’ve experienced the space in between your thoughts. There was a very tiny moment of space, a moment of quiet—that allowed you to see the fork in the road. In a split second, you saw another option, or had an insight of a change of heart.”

When you are deciding out of pressure or impulse, taking a moment to think and reevaluate yourself can be beneficial. It helps you assess the weight of your decisions, seeing with clarity what matters truly and what doesn’t. Coming up with the best decision in life isn’t just about excellence in decision-making, sometimes it comes from a much needed pause.

10. Avoid the Words “I know” When Someone is Talking

“ When you automatically respond to someone by saying “I know,” what you’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you.” You’re minimizing their comments. It’s as if you stop listening, because you think you already know all there is to know about something, or you simply don’t want to know something, or you’re waiting for your turn to talk, or you’re not interested in listening or unwilling to take time to listen.Whatever the reason, this response prevents you from hearing things that may be important and drives a deep wedge between yourself and the person you’re talking to.”

Living our lives for years may have exposed us to different environments where we obtain knowledge ahead of others—as others obtain an edge too. Simply because you know any better, it doesn’t mean you are entitled to cut  someone off who might have discovered newly what you already know. That is upfront disrespect. That is you depriving them a chance to become a learner who happily shares what they just learned.

Overall, “Don’t Sweat Over Small Stuff—for teens”, is a guide on how to live life without overthinking about things. It teaches teens—or perhaps, readers in their early adulthood who have missed the chance to read, how to navigate a world that is constantly challenging by being humane and by acknowledging human weaknesses. 

With reports from Danielle Barredo